Undisclosed Desires
by And.Your.Point
Summary: Out of everything I want to do, I just want to understand her. I know there is so much more to her than being adorable. There is more to an ocean than its name.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own anything in this chapter or any chapters to come.**

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Adorable. Literally, if you had to explain Cat, that would be the only word that's fitting. Yeah so she's a little spacey and… ditzy… strange, spontaneous, sensitive- anyway, she's adorable.

The way her eyebrows furrow when she's confused. Or that huge smile she gets when you show her something shiny. Or her laugh. God her laugh. I've never actually heard someone laugh like "hehe". It's not annoying or anything it's… adorable.

I'm not sure if she's on medication, or needs it. Most people are convinced that she's a crazed bipolar overly dramatic mad woman. I'm a little sold on that myself. However, I think she's just misunderstood. And I really, _really_ want to get her. Understand her. Find out why she is the way she is. I'm not one for judging people but with Cat… it's kind of hard not to. I mean, the girls got hair like a fire hydrant. Well, not red but magenta. Ya know, if adorable was a color, I think it would be magenta. Seriously doesn't it seem like it would be?

So, why am I ranting about Cat? Because she happens to be leaning against my locker trying to explain rainbows to me right now. I haven't really been paying attention but I'm pretty sure she said it has something to do with unicorns.

She's got these big brown eyes that you could just drown in. I'm like a lost sailor every time I look into them. Trying to navigate through choppy emotions with a map of thoughts that I just don't seem to understand. Wow… Tori that was beautiful. I never knew you were so poetic.

Anyway, sometimes I have to look away or avert my eyes to another part of her face because I get so lost in her eyes. I have a take a moment to get my bearings then I can resume my search. Like now for instance, averting my eyes to her lips. Those full, glossed, pink lips. She forms each word so carefully. Like it's a sin to mispronounce or stutter. Which is quite impressive considering how fast she talks.

Her smile. Bright though sometimes I feel it's forced. It makes you wanna smile too. You have no idea what she's happy about but it makes you wanna be happy too. Like today, I forgot my lunch money so I'm running on zero energy. I _was _in a pissy mood but now, I feel like I wanna hug a puppy. I'm happy as a clam. I've never understood that saying. How do we know that clams are happy? And now I'm sounding like cat.

And the dimples, really, now God's just showing off.

She has this perky high pitched voice. Sometimes it's really annoying. But then again, it's nice to see that someone can still find the good in a crappy day. Every once in a while, it'll drop to a low tone when she's being serious, and by 'every once in a while', I mean it never happens. I've only heard it once. Right after some kid called her stupid. She didn't understand a blond joke (go figure) and he loudly exploited that she was stupid. Through all the laughter from other students, I almost missed it, her voice dropped low and she said "I'm not stupid". It was actually kind of scary. Though she said it more to herself, it hit me hard. Maybe, just maybe, there's a whole part of Cat that we haven't found yet. I'm not convinced that this person in front of me is all that there is.

"But I'm almost positive they don't contain skittles." She says finally finishing. Jeeze this girl just babbled on about rainbows for ten minutes and she's not even a little out of breath.

"Well that's… interesting Cat." I say.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she yells offended.

"It means I thought it was… insightful… uh… how do you feel about the term "happy as a clam"?" I ask trying to change the subject. She instantly explains how living underwater is fun and joyful but that it's wrong to assume things.

Jesus I swear she's as sensitive as a doctor's prescribed toothpaste.

"Talking to her can't be good for your health." We hear someone say coldly as she walks by, dragging Beck behind her. Then there's Jade, whose about as sensitive as a toothbrush. I'm not sure if either of those metaphors made sense, but you get the gist of what I'm saying.

I swear I see hurt for a brief moment but it's quickly discarded by a smile and a wave.

"Ya know you don't have to pretend. If she hurt you… you don't have to act like its ok." I say.

"What are you talking about? Jade's such a kidder! She just loves messing with me." She says grinning. She was almost tempted… almost… to say something not so happy. I know there's something in there that's deeper then she'll admit.

She has this strange sort of pull on me. She makes me want to know her. To really know her and understand her. Like I want to sit at her feet while she tells me stories about her life. What a younger Cat was like. What adventures play out in her head. Why she is the way she is.

"Tell me a story" I let slip by mistake. She gives me a "WTF" look and I quickly think up something to cover. "Uh, the weather's looking… stormy." I say.

"Aww I hate it when it storms." She says pouting. At least she bought it. Aww… she's so adorable when she pouts. "Wait… how did you see the sky? We aren't near any windows." She asks with her head tilted slightly.

"Uh, news report. I watched it this morning so I'm taking a guess?" I say. Convincing Vega, real convincing.

"Oh… ok then. Bye!" She says as the bell rings.

There she goes. Skipping off to God knows where. I don't even think the word 'cute' puts her into perspective. I know I've said it a billion times but 'adorable' is just perfect.

I've always sort of admired her bold choices and ability to smile through anything. And I might even have a slight crush on her. I get butterflies when I see her sometimes. After I talk with her for a bit they go away though. I get kind of excited too. Not like, "I wanna rip your clothes off and make you scream" excited but that, "slightly anxious/nervous, I'm glad your around me" excited. No, I'm not gay. I know that in the sense of that I don't want to love her or kiss her. I'm just intrigued by her.

And I'm totally walking home today. If I had spent the time that I had been thinking, walking to Trina's car, then I would be driven home. I know she's my sister and somewhere in our hearts, we love each other. But if I'm not at her car five minutes after the bell rings, she leaves. Yeah, I may love her, but she can be a bitch. Not saying that I don't have an attitude every once in a while but it's nothing compared to Trina.

Sometimes I think it would be more fun to be shot then spend a day with her. And by shot, I mean in the face. And then explode.

I head out of the school and begin walking on the side walk to my house. It's a pretty nice day out today. Not too hot, not too cold. Perfect walking conditions.

"Hi Tori!" I hear explode from behind me. I jump and nearly fall over.

"Jesus Cat! Don't do that." I say catching my breath.

"Oops, sorry. Hey you rhymed! Fancy meeting you here" She says walking along side me.

"We just spoke less than ten minutes ago." I say slowly.

"Yeah, but I'm still glad to see you." She says grinning.

Yupp. A thousand butterflies just decided to show up in my stomach. She's glad to see me the same way I'm glad to see her too. At least I think… it could just be Cat's "normal" self.

"So you don't have a ride either?" I ask. She shakes her head no.

"I guess we're walking buddies today!" She says throwing an arm over my shoulders.

"Yeah… I guess so" I say quietly trying to lower my heart rate. Who am I kidding, slightly? I have a full out crush on this girl.

"So do you think that Jade and Beck have "done it"" She says randomly.

"What?" I say almost choking on the air I just sucked profusely. There's this filter that most people have that tells them things that are ok to say and not ok to say before you say them, Cat does not have this filter. And the whole being random thing is just a bonus.

"Do you think they've "done it"" She says nonchalantly.

"Uh, well, knowing Jade they've probably already made a few hardcore porno's" I say. She giggles and smiles to herself.

"What about you Tori?" She asks looking right past my eyes and strait into my soul.

"What about me?"

"Have you ever done it?" She says anticipating my answer.

"Oh… no. I haven't. Not yet at least." I say swallowing hard.

"Yay, maybe we'll both lose it together then!" she says with a huge smile. Wow Cat, think about what you just implied, then rephrase. I know she didn't mean it like that, but… part of me wishes she did.

Just a little.

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**Hello everyone. A.Y.P. here. So, a new story for ya. I know I normally hang around the Hannah Montana crew but I just **_**had **_**to watch Victorious and get addicted. So now I'm shipping Cat/Tori as well as the others you already know about. I love how I always end up supporting sinking ships. Or at least at this point they are. Anyway, enough about me, let's talk about you, what do you think about me? Chill, kidding.**

**But seriously, what do you think about the story so far? It came to me because of youtube. God bless youtube. I realized how ridiculously adorable Ariana Grande is, and I just couldn't resist. Gah, cute, I can take. Hot, I can roll with that. But adorable? My brain is reconfiguring its settings so I'll stop spazzing out. **

**Also, this will be a multi-chaptered story, BUT unfortunately I won't be updating for a little bit. I made myself promise that I would have no more than two stories going at once so I wouldn't be one of those people with a bajillion stories and none finished. So… I have to finish another up first. **

**Leave your thoughts. Reviews = love. So spread it around. Thick. **

**A.Y.P.**


	2. The More I'm With Her

Did you know that forty percent of Americans pee in the shower? Yeah, if you don't have your own bathroom, try thinking of that every time you take a bath.

It's actually where I am right now. In the shower. The perfect thing to wake me up on a Saturday. It's around twelve or so, so it's not like its early. Either or, I'm enjoying it.

"Tori!" Well, I _was_ enjoying it.

"Ugh, what Trina?" I say annoyed.

"What are you doing?" She asks through the door. Is she serious? Hearing the shower isn't enough for her?

"Taking a shower" I say with a sigh. I hear the door unlock followed by the sound of heels against the tile. Did she just unlock the door… and walk in?

"Cool" she says.

"Trina, get out, what do you want?" I ask.

"Chill I'm just fixing my make-up"

"And your bathroom wouldn't have worked?" I ask.

"Nope" She says sliding the curtain over quickly. I jump and immediately hunch over to cover myself.

"Trina!" I yell clearly pissed off and slightly confused.

"Relax I've seen you naked before" She says nonchalantly.

"Yeah, and a lots changed since then" I say trying to grab the curtain.

"Cat's here" she says smirking.

"WHAT!" I yell standing up straight. Trina left the door wide open! I scramble out of the shower and slam the bathroom door.

"What the hell is your problem?" I whisper-yell.

"Jesus Tori, relax. She's downstairs babbling on about bunnies with antlers or cupcakes with eyes or something." She says looking in the mirror again. "And you right, a lot had has changed" She says pursing her lips and looking at me. She'd better learn to sleep with one eye open.

She taps my nose then struts out of the bathroom. Great so Cat's here unannounced and I'm naked. As appealing as that may sound, I'm freaking out. Why on earth would she come over randomly on a Saturday? Poor girl must be delusional.

Well then, better get dressed.

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I can't do it. One step left. The last step to officially being downstairs and in Cat's view. It's that fight or flight moment, when you need to do it but you just don't. I wish someone would just push me so I wouldn't have to make the decision.

Right on cue, as if the universe heard me, I feel a rough hand on my back. I said push, not launch. I completely clear the last step and superman into the living room. My face easily meets the hardwood and I grunt at the impact. As I start to push myself up my beloved sister steps on my back to get to the kitchen. Does she know she's wearing heels? And that she may have just severed my spinal cord?

"Ew Tori get off the floor. That's unsanitary" she says. What I would do to kick her in the face right now.

I roll over and am met by Cat's bright eyes looking into mine. She's just standing over me, bent over, with a smile.

"Hi Cat." I say forcing a smile.

"Hi Tori" She says excitedly. She's wearing a brightly colored dress today… I know this because she's bending over and I can slightly see down it. Her boobs are a lot bigger than they seem. Just in case you didn't know…

"So… you wanna help me up?" I say extending my hand. She gladly accepts it and pulls me up. Ouch. I wince as my back proves to be suffering from Trina's high heels.

"Aww, is your back ok?" She says genuinely concerned. She looks like she just saw a kitten get kicked.

"Yeah… I'm fine" I say. I guess my face didn't match my statement because by the looks of it, she doesn't believe it at all.

"Come here. I've been told I'm amazing at this." She says leading me to the couch. That statement was totally innocent… but my mind… is totally _not_.

She sits down and I sit in front of her. She slowly presses her fingers into my back and I instantly drop my head. She _is _amazing at this.

"Oh my god…" I moan.

"Feel good?"

"Mhmm" I barely get out. Ya know… getting a massage sounds a lot like sex. Jesus where is my mind today?

I groan as she hits a sore spot and she eases up a bit. "So what brings you here today?" I ask.

"Oh nothing. I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out." She says.

"Just us?"

I don't think I've ever hung out with Cat just one on one. It'll be nice to see what she's like without any distractions… then again, Cat just being Cat is already a huge distraction.

"Yeah" She answers.

"Ok… what do you want to do?"

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Not a bad day. Cat and I went to the mall and just hung out there for a while. My brain is tired. I swear there is never a pause with this girl. One thought interrupting the next, can't stay focused on one thing for very long, and very, _very_ touchy feely. Our arms were always touching when we walked, we were always touching when we were sitting, and she hugged me like twenty times today for no reason.

Just like now for instance. She's about to go home. We're on my door step and she's hugging me.

"Cat?" I say.

"Yeah?" She says stepping back with a huge smile. I want to smack her so she'll frown for real for once. Seriously, she's always smiling or pouting. It makes me want to punch a baby. Wrong on so many levels but true.

"Why are you so… touchy feely?" I ask. Please don't get all offended and make me pull out something sparkly again.

"Well, I was just born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it." She says. Well said. She sounded almost normal there… and she had a real smile on. Like serious smile, if that makes sense.

"Well… I'm gonna go inside" I say. She nods eagerly and watches me the whole way in. When I get the door closed I turn around and lean back on it. Not a bad day. She literally talked the whole day and I got very little in. But it was still good I guess.

She can't sit still either. She's always moving around or changing positions. Or she'll just be jittery. She's almost more fun to watch then TV.

So how did day 1 of trying to understand her go? Horrible. I didn't understand anything. The closer you get the more she shuts down and when you feel you're finally getting through, she resorts to confusion. Maybe I'll never get her. Maybe she doesn't want me to. I don't see why she wouldn't want to be. Everybody needs someone who just gets them. Someone who's on the same level.

I wonder if anyone's ever even tried for her.

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Found it. The only time she's calm. Peaceful. The only time you can't tell that there are a million things going through her head.

When she's asleep.

I woke up about ten minutes ago and can't help but watch as she sleeps. Creepy? Call it want you want. But it's adorable. It makes me want to hold her… well, more than I already am. Her head is on my chest and her arm is thrown over my waist. You know how cute cats are when they sleep? I'm beginning to think Cat is more than an ironic name for her. But I'm still enjoying it.

Wait…

I specifically remember saying goodnight to her last night, and falling asleep **alone**. Her creeper factor… just skyrocketed.

"Cat" I say shaking her. She groans and cuddles closer. Any closer and she'll be inside of me. Not a bad thing really… Gah, Tori, focus. "Cat" I say shaking her again.

"Ten more minutes" She mumbles. Ok. I can do ten more minutes- Tori, no.

"Cat, why are you here" I say slowly. She mumbles something else.

I sigh. "Wait… is that the ice-cream truck I hear?" I say with fake enthusiasm. She immediately jolts awake and strains to listen.

"I don't hear him" She says pouting.

"Yeah, neither do I. What are you doing here?" I say. She slowly sits up then rubs her eyes.

"I came over earlier and your mom let me in, I wanted to see if you were awake. I tripped when I was walking up the stairs but don't worry, I didn't cry. So anyway you weren't awake, so I decided to wait till you were but I guess I fell asleep but now your awake and so am I. So what's up?" She says easily in one breath.

"Uh… nothing. How long have you been here?" I say. I am so confused.

"Since six" She says with a huge smile. It is way too early for my face to make any sort of expression. Yes, it may be 1:00Pm on a Sunday afternoon but just try to tell my face that.

"Six a.m.?" I ask. She nods eagerly. Wow. I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I'm weirded out but I'm also happy she's here. "Ok…" I trail off.

"Well I'm gonna go home. See you tomorrow" She says getting up.

"What? But you just got here"

"I've been here seven hours. I'm gonna go make cookies. Bye!" She says prancing out of my room.

Did you understand any of that? I didn't either. The more I'm with her, the more impossible it gets.

However, the experience alone was nice. So that's what it's like waking up next to Cat. Pleasant but also confusing.

She came over at six a.m. then slept next to me until 1 just to ask "what's up". She is not making this easy for me in any way whatsoever.

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Why on earth have I made this my mission? What's my motivation? Maybe she just intrigues me. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Whatever this hold she has on me is, this pull, I guess it's the motivation. So either way I have no idea why I'm doing this.

"Hey Tori!" I hear explode from behind me. My books fly out of my arms and I jump so hi I swear my head hit the ceiling. Honestly, her voice can explode. All is quiet then BOOM! I'm pretty sure there's even a shockwave.

I turn around and am blinded by her bright smile. "Hi… Cat" I say trying to lower my heart rate. It's now that I notice that Robbie is right behind her.

"Wanna come to lunch with us?" he asks.

"Uh yeah. Let me just find my books and I'll be right there." I say scanning the floor for my poor books.

"Ok well, we'll see you out there. Come on Cat" he says gazing at her with a dreamy smile.

Everyone knows that he has a thing for her. You'd have to be blind not to see it. Well… blind or Cat. The poor girl has no idea that he's head over heels for her. He won't admit it but with all the ridicules things he's been doing for her or just by the way he looks at her, you can tell this boy's in love. Even Rex knows. Rex is actually the other reason everyone else knows. Damn thing couldn't keep its mouth shut.

"No, we can help her find her books. Come on it'll be fun!" Cat says belting out this random song about Zebras and searching for my books. Robbie's smile drops and a look of disappointment makes its way to his face. Sorry bro, didn't mean to take your moment.

Robbie stopped bringing Rex to school ya know. Yeah, that's big. He blames it on already having too many things to carry, but we all know that it's because Rex doesn't like Cat. If Robbie was willing to give up Rex for Cat, then he's serious about her.

I can't help that little surge of jealousy that rushes through me when he flirts with her however. Sometimes he makes her laugh and I wish it was me who brought that smile to her face. Robbie's the only person who's close with Cat. I would say that he understands her but… I know he doesn't. I think he sees it as more of a turn on than anything. He likes how eccentric she is and how sarcasm just flies over her head.

Personally I don't think he gets it. I honestly believe that there's this unfathomable girl that Cat trapped inside and she won't let her out. I mean, Cat _seems_ so sweet and innocent, but I want to get to the real girl who has seen and lived things that she doesn't wanna talk about. It sounds cruel but… I guess I'm just sick of it. I hate hearing people say that she's crazy, or stupid, or weird. I want to prove that she's more than that. I still don't know why I do.

And I don't know why she doesn't either.

"Hey!" Cat says making me jump again. "I found your books, and your script of "They're Not Gonna Get Us". Did you know I'm auditioning too?" She asks. I think she's vibrating.

"Really? That's awesome Cat" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. She never gets the lead. She always tries but never gets it. Even through the harsh words of the critical teachers, she just smiles and tries again.

"Yeah. Wait… we can help each other practice for the roles! I'm not busy ever and I can bring brownies and I can-" She goes babbling on.

Robbie just looks defeated. Again sorry, but a chance to spend time with Cat, one on one, practicing for a play all about romance, yeah I'm not gonna pass that up.

I tune back in to what Cat's saying so I can answer.

"… then my Dad started yelling at me but it wasn't my fault because I specifically told him that if we could all fly-"

"I'd love to" I say cutting her off.

"Really? Cuz I think it would be awesome to fly too. Like we wouldn't have to walk." She says excitedly.

"No Cat, I meant about helping each other memorize lines and stuff" I say.

"Oh" she says dazed. "Well that too. But I think flying is the top priority" She says furrowing her eyebrows.

"Can we eat now" Robbie says a little impatiently.

"Yay food!" She says grabbing my hand and dragging me behind her.

Oh Cat, what am I gonna do with you?

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**Hello everyone. Ok, let my just start off by saying that I know this chapter is literally full of nothing. Sorry I jumped around so much. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going with all this. I just kind of wrote out of anticipation. So… now I'm finding a cause. Bear with me. Hopefully it didn't suck too badly. I promise I can and will do better. **

**Thanks to all three of you who reviewed… yeah, so not feeling the love. **

**Also, for now this is going to be in Tori's POV. I may add someone else's later. Not sure yet.**

**I'm a filthy liar and a heathen for bringing you this chapter when I was clearly not supposed to. Shhh, don't tell anyone. **

**Till we meet again, review. Tell me what you think. **

**A.Y.P. **


	3. I Would Keep Her

"I don't understand" Cat says.

"I don't expect you to, just drop it" I say.

"No, tell me what you're so afraid of?"

"That. I love you but we can never be together." I say turning the page.

"Tori you missed a part." Cat says turning the page back.

"What? No I didn't that was the next line." I say inspecting the page.

I think I'd know if I missed a line. We've been rehearsing lines for an hour, pretty sure I've got reading down.

Crazy right? She's actually pretty focused right now. It was a little awkward when we showed up at my house earlier but we got over that when she started talking about unicorns. So we've been here, in my living room, practicing. I'm actually enjoying it. She's had her chin on my shoulder pretty much since she got here, reading along with me. It's nice being this close. Then there's the fact that we're acting out a romance we're playing as the male and female leads.

"Cat I didn't miss anything." I say.

"Yes you did, you don't say that yet." She retorts.

"The only other thing that happens before that line is when Neil kisses Jenna." I say confused.

"Exactly" She says as innocent as ever.

"So…?" I ask.

"So what?"

"What exactly are you implying?" I ask. She can't mean that I should kiss her… could she? I mean why? I'm obviously not a dude and you'd think something like that would bother Cat. That rhymed…

"I'm implying that you kiss me." She says nonchalantly. And I'm mind blown. She meant _exactly_ what I thought.

"Cat… you do realize I'm a girl right? And so are you." I say. Maybe she is _that_ crazy. She doesn't realize that we're of the same sex.

"I know that. Sikowits told me to practice everything, line for line." She says taking her chin off my shoulder to look at me.

"Yeah but I'm sure he thought you were rehearsing with a guy" I say trying to make sense of it all.

"He didn't specify. Why don't you wanna kiss me?" She asks genuinely curious.

There is no stopping this girl. She's blunt and so freaking innocent. You know that filter in your head that tells you what to say and what not to say? Cat, does not have this filter. She just says what she's thinking regardless how it's gonna sound. I've always liked that about her up until about ten seconds ago.

"I didn't say I didn't want to kiss you, well… I mean… shouldn't you be against something as absurd as this?" I ask.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She says freaking out.

"Nothing! I just figured… ugh never mind. Fine I'll… I'll kiss you." I say to shut her up.

Something else I momentarily forgot about Cat, she doesn't judge. With someone as peculiar as she is, how can you? Like Sinjin, the dude's creepy but she acts like he's just your average Joe. I love that about her but now it's working against me.

"Yay!" She says clapping and turning sideways on the couch to face me. I swallow hard. How the hell am I gonna do this? "Get into character" She says handing me the book. Right, maybe that'll help.

"I don't understand" Cat starts.

"I don't expect you to, just drop it" I say again.

"No, tell me what you're so afraid of" She says. I look back at the book, _Neil leans in and captures Jenna's lips in a heated, passionate kiss_, it says. I take a deep breath and Cat leans in to encourage me.

I can't do this. Why did I agree? I quickly pick up a pillow and smash it into her face.

What am I thinking? What is she thinking? We can't kiss! I don't even think of her in that way… well… sort of. But I definitely haven't planned on acting on it.

"Tori what's wrong?" she asks through the pillow.

"I can't do it." I say putting the pillow back down.

"Why not? It's simple. See?" She says. Before I can get a chance to be confused again, she leans all the way in and her lips are pressed against mine.

I'm not gonna lie in my own head, it took me 2.5 seconds to respond. How can I not? Sweet jesus Cat's kissing me! Her lips are ten times softer than I imagined. I place my hands on her waist and pull her closer. It said heated right?

Six… seven… what, I'm female, of course I'm counting. Her arms snake up around my neck and she leans into me more. Jeez she's really putting herself into this.

Our kiss breaks for only a second before our lips reconnect a little more desperately. Her lips part and I follow her lead. I'm a little timid with sliding my tongue into her mouth but it's gone as soon as she attacks it with her own. Kiss? What kiss? This is a full on make-out session, in my living room! Victoria you rock.

17… 18… 19… I don't even know why I'm trying.

22 seconds before our lips separate do to her cell phone ringing. She doesn't even look at me, she just reaches over to the coffee table and answers her phone. I literally feel like the wind was knocked out of me. Not because of the lack of air I got, but because I'm blown away.

She's ridiculously good at that. Too good. Like, how many lips have hers been on before mine, that kind of too good. I mean, sure I've kissed guys plenty of times for plays or just because, but it was nowhere near _that. _Seriously, she is really good. I hope I didn't suck…

I return from my thoughts and Cat is hanging up. She turns around to face me and a bright smile appears. I want to talk but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say.

"We'll thanks for helping me practice, we should do it again sometime" She says. Yes we should… wait… what?

"Uh-no problem. Are… are you okay?" I ask.

"Absolutely positively. Why?" She says tilting her head to the side. Because you're acting like 22 seconds of your face plastered to mine didn't happen.

"Just wondering" I say shrugging it off.

"Well, that was my mom, she wants me to come home because she found my brother shaving the next door neighbors cat-" She continues babbling on. Maybe that's why she's so good at kissing. She talks constantly so her mouth is already trained in everything. I feel weird. I guess it's because I just got done kissing another girl but I'm surprised that Cat isn't at least a little bit hot and bothered… hot and bothered?

"Then he fell down some stairs and now needs stitches. So now she's afraid that I'll wake up bald" She says finishing.

"Ok…" I say trying to connect the dots.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" she asks.

"Yeah… sure"

"Ok great!" She says leaning forward again. Please kiss me.

She wraps her arms around me and squeals in a bone crushing hug. "K bye" she says grabbing her stuff and sprinting out the door.

"Huh?" I say out loud.

… …**.. …. … …. ….. …. … ….. … …. … ….. …. … …. … **

I've been very cautious today. Always looking over my shoulder, never staying in one place for more than a few minutes. I'm not avoiding Cat, I'm actually looking for her. It's just that this time, I want to be the one to scare the sh-crap out of her.

Why am I doing this? Well, Cat's always the one to find you. So if I find her first, it might like, destroy her whole logic and way of thinking then she'll just break down in my arms and tell me everything about her. So farfetched Cujo couldn't find it but it's the best thing I could come up with.

Ah, there's my read headed beauty… I mean… Cat.

I walk up quietly behind her and inhale deeply.

"Hey Cat!" I blast. I earn a yelp from her and to my delight, her books fly out of her arms. Success! Suck. On. That. So many graphic things flew through my head just now…

"H-hi Tori" She says completely caught off guard. Win!

"What's up?" I ask with a huge smile.

"Uh nothing. Just looking for my books I guess." She says glancing around with a lost expression. Aww, she's so adorable. If she followed me home, I would keep her.

"Well you're in luck, because I happen to be a pro at finding books" I say. Seriously, you've scared me so many times that its not even fun to look for my books anymore. She giggles and begins her search.

I hear her start humming something while we search for her books.

Huh, The Princess and the Pea, yeah that's definitely Cat's book. … … ah… Cinderella, another one of Cat's books. As random as she can be, she can also be very predictable.

As weirded as I was about her intense humming, I now find myself humming along with her. I don't know the song… I don't even think she does really either, but whatever it is we're humming it together. That is, until Robbie decided to come along and destroy our little melody.

"Hey guys… Tori did you lose your books again?" He asks scanning the floor.

"Nope, this time they're Cat's" I say with a proud smile. His face instantly brightens.

"Well I should help you look." He says walking over to where Cat is. Jerk.

I feel so childish. For some bizarre reason I look at him as a challenge. Like he's trying to steal my woman and I need to fight for her. Yeah… ignore that last statement. But she's already more mine than his.

"No no, it's my treat" I hear Robbie say as he and Cat walk up.

"Thanks" She says. I hand her, her books and she offers a smile as a thank you. What's he treating her to? I bet I could top it…

"Robbie was just saying how he's gonna buy me lunch. You wanna join?" She asks. Join and kill Robbie's operation to steal you? Of course, I would love to come.

"Uh, you don't have to Tori, I mean I'm sure you have tons a people who want you to sit with them." Robbie chimes in as smooth as possible. As much as I want to go with them, something is telling me to let him have his moment. Ugh, why am I so damn nice?

"Sorry Cat, maybe next time. I promised Andre I'd sit with him at lunch today." I lie through my teeth.

"You did?" I hear Andre's voice behind me. Perfect… just, perfect.

I quickly turn around and give him every facial expression I own to tell him to play along.

"Oh yeah… you… did." He says cracking a smile. That's the best he can do? Now we know why playing instruments is his major.

"Oh well… I'll see you later then." She says turning to walk away.

When Cat and Robbie are gone I turn to Andre. "Thanks for being obvious." I say.

"No problem. Does she seem a little different to you?" He asks.

"Who, Cat? Not really. She hasn't been quite as moody lately, maybe that's it."

"Maybe." He says thinking about it.

"So does this mean you're buying my lunch?" I say randomly. Andre gives a confused look.

"Good. Let's go." I say. He shrugs his shoulders than follows me out.

Hmmm this confusion thing might actually have a point to it

**... …. …. …. … … ….. ….. ….. …. …. … ….. ….. …. ….. …..**

"Hi Tori!" I hear yet another explosion from behind me.

And there goes my bagel, flew right through the parking lot. Dangit! I was doing so good today. I almost made it through the whole day without being spotted by her. I rarely cuss and if I do, it's in my head, but I am so tempted to say "damnit" out loud right now.

"Hey Cat…" I say, mentally saying a prayer for my fallen bagel.

"What's up?" She asks smiling brightly at me. "Oh nothing just… hungry" I say smiling back.

"Oh… well how was your day?" She asks.

"Good. How was your lunch with Robbie?" I say raising an eyebrow.

"It was actually very nice" She says grinning. Right there, instant jealousy.

"How was your lunch with Andre?" She asks.

"It was fine" I say mentally stabbing Robbie.

"Do you like him?" She asks out of nowhere. Whoa I was so not prepared for that. I actually almost choked on air. We all know that I would've choked on my bagel had I still been eating it… wow, maybe Cat saved my life.

"What? Andre? No we're just friends." I rush to get out. Really, I've thought about it, but Andre is a brother.

"I think you would be good together. Like grapefruits and milk. You know the way grapefruits are-" I drift from her words into my own thoughts. Andre and I? I could see myself more with Beck before Andre. And we know that would never happen with Jade around.

"But it doesn't actually harm the cows." She finishes. How on earth did she segway into that?

We walk through the school parking lot and start on our way home. Yeah Trina left me, again. Surprisingly, Cat's actually being kind of quiet. She's gazing up at the afternoon clouds and every once in a while she'll smile or frown. I can only imagine what's going on in that head of hers. I wonder if it's about that make-out session yesterday… in which I still need to bring up.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I say pulling a penny out of my pocket. Oh yeah, I rock. She smiles and takes the penny but her smile fades shortly after.

"I don't understand why people do things." She says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I don't get why people do things. Why they hurt each other. Why they're so cold hearted and mean. Like it doesn't even bother them that they're messing with someone's life." She says glaring at the ground. Now we're getting somewhere.

"Explain" I say urging her to continue.

"Sometimes people say hurtful things or do things that… I don't know." She says.

I can tell there's something behind all this, but she doesn't know how to express it. "That what Cat?" I ask.

"That… make me not want to smile. I don't feel happy." She says staring at the ground hard. I can tell there are two meanings to that statement "I'm not happy". She doesn't just mean momentarily… I think she means overall. She's just generally not happy.

"Why aren't you happy?" I pry.

"Because… Oh my gosh a squirrel!" She squeals in delight. Annnnd I lost her.

There she goes running off to make friends with the squirrel. I stand back and wait. Maybe she _is_ that innocent. Pain is something she doesn't understand, but I know she's felt a lot of it. It doesn't make sense to her. Why do we deliberately hurt each other? You don't mess with someone's life. It's not right and you can't undo it. Why can't people see that? Is that so hard to understand?

I can understand that.

… I can understand that.

…**. …. … … … …. … … …. … … … …. … … …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter for you. **

**Yay! You finally get to see a bit into Cat's head. Just so you know, I finally found where I'm gonna go with this story. And, I might change the name… the story is taking a different direction then the title. So I'll keep you posted.**

**I have shout outs because you guys are so awesome.**

**K9GM3: I believe I can consider this making up for the last chapter, haha.**

**Artheart: Always ;)**

**MysteryGirl: You flatter me. Personally I'm still trying to get the groove of things. **

**Farmerg1214: What on earth am I gonna do with you? I don't know if I could write without my number 1 fangirl. **

**Croaker001: You make my face hurt. Wanna know why? Because I'm always smiling when I read your reviews. Who would have thought your face could have muscle cramps?**

**Because I'm excited about it, I'll share. I wrote Ariana Grande the other day like "eh she probably won't get it". Dude, she wrote back. I almost cried. And now I have an inside joke with a famous person. I love life.**

**Ok, till chapter 4, Reviews = love. **

**A.Y.P.**


	4. See you there Cutie

Every night this week. Every. Single. Night. The same dream. I can't stop thinking about it. Sure the first two days after I was fine but now… it's like it's all caught up with me. Cat and I kissed a week ago. Made-out. Just thinking about that makes my ovaries clench.

Ok, I know I'm a teenager and all and being horny is a natural part of my life. But I honestly have never had a problem with that until now. I have great self control… normally. Right now, I feel like an animal. Like this fire has been lit inside my body and I can't extinguish it. Thinking about Cat just fuels it.

I took a cold shower this morning and it worked for the most part… until I got to school and Cat said hi to me. Masturbation is out of the question. It's something that I've never done and never will do. I wonder if Cat does…

Shit! Why did I just think that? Now I'm gonna be hot all day. Just thinking about the possibility… Cat laying on her bed naked… door locked, curtains closed… her hands wandering all over her creamy skin…

"Hi Tory!" Like a bomb exploding. Hey look, there goes my math book. Man that thing is sailing.

"Hi Cat" I say turning to face her. Well that was stupid. Now all I want to do is… bad things with her. Jesus Tori calm down.

"What's up" She says with a huge grin.

"Just… standing here." I say.

"Fun! Why aren't you in class?" She asks. Class? I arch an eyebrow. "Class started ten minutes ago" She says with a worried expression. It did? Wow I must be really out of it…

"Oh…" I trail off focusing on her lips.

"Tori… are you ok?" she asks shifting uncomfortably.

"Wha- yeah. Why?" I ask my eyes trailing lower.

"Because you've been staring at every body part except my eyes since I started talking." She says. My eyes snap to hers.

"Oh…" I say again.

"Tori… are you sure you're ok? I could take you to the nurse. You know she gives out popsicles! This one time I got a paper cut from this random piece of paper I found on-"

"Cat" I cut her off. "I need to talk to you about something." I say. She nods. "Well, not here. I mean like after school" I say.

"Oh, ok. We can go to your house. Sounds great. Well I better go. I'm supposed to be peeing right now." She says then skips off.

My house? As in the place where we'll both be alone? Unsupervised? I wonder if I told her that I needed a nude model for art if she'd do it… TORI… no.

Something… is seriously wrong with me.

… …**. ….. ….. … … …. ….. …. … … … … …. ….. ….**

She knocked on the door exactly 43 seconds ago. Yes, I counted. Honestly I don't know how I'm gonna control myself.

Another knock. What am I gonna do? "Tori answer the door" I hear sharply behind me. I jump and turn around.

"Jesus Trina! Don't scare me like that. Wait… I thought I was alone today." I say.

"Yeah well my audition was cancelled. Why? Is that a boy at the door?" She says with a grin.

"No. It's Cat." I say ignoring whatever thoughts I know are flying through her head.

"Oh." She says dropping her smile.

I turn around and twist the doorknob. I slowly open the door and there stands Cat. Looking as innocent as ever, oblivious to all those not so innocent thoughts that have been running through my heat- HEAD all day. Ugh…

"Hi Tori. Hi Trina." She says with a smile.

"Hey Cat" I say stepping aside to let her in. She walks into the living room then runs and jumps onto the couch. What a strange girl. I close the door and go sit down next to her. Then Trina sits right between us with the remote.

"Trina… can you go somewhere… like other then here?" I ask.

"No" She says flatly.

"Cat and I were gonna talk and-"

"I wanna watch TV. Just go up to your room." Trina cuts me off.

She does know that she has a TV in her room right?

"Yeah come on Tori." Cat says standing up. My room? As in where I sleep? My personal space? Where there's a bed…

"Tori!" Trina yells snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Jeez fine, we're going." I say taking Cat up to my… room.

"Aww it's so pretty in here!" She says delighted. Then, wait for it… she runs and jumps on my bed. Great the exact place I was trying to keep us from. "So what did you want to talk about?" She asks patting the spot next to her. I swallow hard and sit down next to her.

"Well… remember that day you came over to rehearse lines?" I ask. She nods vigorously. "Well… remember when we… kissed." I say suddenly feeling very, _very, _uncomfortable.

"Oh, yeah. Well, actually I believe it's classified as a make-out. What about it?" She asks nonchalantly. She's trying to kill me.

"It's been bothering me lately." I say.

She furrows her eyebrows. "Why? Was I not good" She says panicking.

"No! You were great." I say. Way to freaking go… it just kind of flew out.

"Yay! You were good too." She says grinning.

"Really?" I ask. Good. I was so scared I sucked.

"Yeah. It felt like you actually wanted to kiss me." She says. Right… because it was a stage kiss.

"So why was it bothering you?" She asks bright eyed.

"Uh…" I stutter. Honestly what am I gonna say? I can't just go "Well I've been extremely horny since then and can't stop thinking about it". Seriously, how would she react?

Cat's face is somewhere between worried and horrified.

… sh…shit. For the love of god… tell me I didn't just think that… OUT LOUD.

"That… that was supposed to stay inside my head." I say. She nods slowly. I drop my face into my hands and sigh. How on earth am I gonna recover from that?

"Tori… are you… are you _gay_" She whispers the last part. My head shoots up and she jumps a bit.

"What? No." I say like she's crazy… which isn't hard…

"Then why did you say that…? Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked for getting someone horny and all, but I just never thought it would be you…" she says with faces to match each part of her statement.

"Uh… I don't know" I say not really knowing how to reply.

"You know… there are ways to… fix it." She says with a deep blush.

"Tell me you aren't suggesting what I think you're suggesting." I say astonished.

"It's a completely normal part of a teenagers life." She says confidently.

"Not mine" I say just as confidently.

"Really?" She asks surprised.

"Yeah… is it a part of yours?" I ask curious.

Her face literally is stone walled. I can tell she's trying really hard to give an answer that dances around my question. "Ugh, we shouldn't even be talking about this. We're talking about you here" She says irritated.

"Touchy subject I see. You brought it up." I say. Seriously, I've never seen her get all bothered like this before.

"Touchy subject?" She says giving me a look. Oh.

"Heh heh… no pun intended?" I say with a sheepish smile. She giggles and rolls her eyes.

"You look very pretty today Tori" She says randomly. Jeans and a hoodie? I think not.

"Uh thanks, you look cute too." I say being polite. I'm not lying, she does look cute today. A bright yellow skirt and black top with yellow writing on it, along with bright red sneakers. Her bold fashion statements match her personality perfectly.

"So… what exactly do you want me to do?" She asks.

"About what? Oh. Uh… nothing. I guess just telling you, whether I wanted to or not, was all I needed." I say rubbing the back of my neck. I mean, I do feel quite a bit better.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to kiss you again?" She asks. YES. GOD YES.

"What? No…" I say.

"Well… sorry if I freaked you out. I freak people out sometimes." She says looking down.

"You didn't. And it's ok. You don't freak me out Cat." I say with a slight smile. Her eyes come back to mine and she smiles. A real smile. Not the obnoxious one she normally has plastered to her face.

"Do you think I'm weird?" She says turning to sit facing me.

"No. you're… well, you're you. One of a kind." I say honestly.

"So I'm different." She says frowning.

"Yes. But in a good way. The kind of different where… I wouldn't change a thing." I say. Another real smile.

"You're the only one who thinks so. I don't like being different." She says after her smile fades.

"Why? Being like everyone else is stupid Cat. The things you see in life, the different colors, the stories you tell, no one can do that but you. You have a gift, if you will, that no one else has. You see a completely different world that no one else can see. We can only dream of a place like that. A beautiful, colorful world. What on earth is bad about that?" I say looking deep into her eyes.

She looks at me hard. "Sometimes I think you're the only one that gets it." She whispers. I'm in. I'm there. If I'm not than I am _so _close. I just need her to trust me and know that I will understand. The crazy part… I _do _understand.

Getting weird looks from people who don't understand. Yeah I'm different, when did that become bad?

Why is different bad? You can't get mad or pick on someone because they're more creative than you are. We stare because she's different, she stares because we're all the same. I get it… I can understand that.

…**.. … ….. …. ….. … … …. … …. … ….. …..**

She feels close to me now I guess. She asked if she could stay. As in stay the night. I don't mind at all, I'm glad she wants to be near to me. Not sure what the sleeping arrangements are gonna be… but none the less, I'm happy she's staying.

Right now we're in the living room on the couch watching some movie Cat picked out. I'm not really paying attention to it though. I'm more focused on the shy tickle that Cat's breath is making on my neck. Her head is on my shoulder but she's slowly inching towards my chest.

Right there. Another inch.

"Cat, we have school tomorrow" I say. She lifts her head and looks at me.

"We should go to bed" I say. A blinding smile makes its way to her face and she nods. Does she really enjoy _everything_? I'm about to ask where she wants to sleep when her small figure springs over the back of the couch and she's up the stairs. How does she move that fast? Must be the little-to-no wind resistance she has.

I walk up the stairs and to my bedroom door. It's opened just a hair and I hear Cat fumbling around inside. What on earth is she doing…

I open the door a little bit more and am met with her bare back. I… guess she wanted to change into some of my PJ's…

This is wrong on so many levels. Sure, I've changed in front of friends before, and they've changed in front of me. But when you watch… that's a smidge on the creeper side… maybe more than a smidge…. Smidge is an odd word…

She's beautiful. I know I'm only looking at her back, but she's flawless. Ok Tori, stop being a perv.

She starts to turn around and I quickly back up from my door… unfortunately I didn't pay attention to how far and… well, I found the stairs. After rolling down them every which of ways, I finally hit the floor with an "Oof".

"Tori?" I hear Cat say worried. I groan in response. She appears on the top stair looking down at me. She gasps then quickly runs down them and kneels at my side. "Are you ok?" She asks.

"Yeah… my spine will never be the same… but I'm ok." I say cracking a smile. I deserved every bit of that.

Cat helps me up and when I go to thank her, yet again, I'm amazed by her boldness. Heaven help me. Well, at least I know she really likes pink.

"Cat…" I trail off.

"Yeah" She answers.

"You uh… don't have any pants on." I say. She looks down then back up and her cheeks burn crimson.

"I… wanted to make sure you were ok… " She says cracking an embarrassed smile.

"Hey Tori have you seen my-" Trina starts but freezes at the top of the stairs. Why do these things happen to me?

If Cat's face gets any redder, it might get stuck that way. "What exactly were you two… doing again?" She asks.

"Talking" Cat says quietly.

"Right. Have either one of you seen my camera?" She asks. We both shake our head no. Trina nods slowly looking us both up and down. "Well have fun" She says walking back to her room. Just as Trina's door closes we both have a short lived sigh of relief because my front door opens.

Why? Why does the universe hate me so? My parentals walk in the door and immediately stop and stare Cat and I. Cat is stiff as a bored with a petrified look on her face. I don't really know what my face is doing, but my Mom and Dad's faces know exactly what to do.

"Hey… girls" My dad says with the most awkward smile in the world.

"Hey dad" I say back. Really, how do you get out of a situation like this, much less explain it. I look back to Cat and it looks like she's counting.

She hits seven, I believe, and then sprints up the stairs. Cutie? That's what it says, right across the butt of her bright pink panties. Seems fitting. And why she ran at seven beats me.

I turn back to my parents and they both fix their eyes on me. Maybe I should count to seven. "Is there a reason…" They start.

"Cat's staying the night and I told her she could borrow my clothes but when she couldn't find any she came down here to find the laundry room not knowing that I was down here but the laundry room isn't even down here but she hasn't been here much so she doesn't know where it is and I was just telling her where it is when you two walked in" I say all in one breath. Wow. I never knew I could do that. Lying on the spot is easy, doing it all so fast and in one breath, now that is just amazing. Cat just got a ton more cool points.

They both nod reluctantly then I smile, count to seven, and sprint up the stairs.

**. … …. ….. …. …. ….. … … ….. … …. ….. … ….. ….. …**

Falling asleep wasn't too hard last night. I was a little nervous when she climbed into my bed next to me, but I got over it when she started talking about frogs. She actually fell asleep halfway through her explanation of why they're green. I didn't mind though.

She loves to cuddle in her sleep. If I was on my back, hear head was on my chest, arm around my waist. If I was on my side, she'd be spooning me, so on and so forth. I enjoyed it thoroughly. She's such a peaceful sleeper. It's like watching a kitten sleep. You just wanna go curl up next to her and relax.

I'm also a lot better that I was. Dirty images of her and I aren't flying through my head anymore. Well… at least not as often.

"… because apparently they don't have any eyes. But I like your eyes Tori." Cat finishes.

"Thanks Cat, I like your eyes too." I say catching the end of her story.

"Yay! We could be like, eye buddies!" She says smiling. Uhh… sure we can…

"Well, we should get to lunch." I say. She nods. "I'll be there in a minute. See you there _cutie_" I say with a grin. Her face instantly goes red and she forces a smile. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone" I say still grinning. She nods shyly then walks away. She is so adorable.

"Hey" I hear behind me.

"Oh, hey Beck" I say putting things into my locker.

"You wanna do lunch?" He asks.

"Yeah sure… wait, is Jade gonna kill me?" I ask.

"Nah, she'll be there to supervise" He says as she walks up behind him.

"But I can still kill you if you'd like" She says.

"Great..." I say putting on a fake smile. Jade returns one as equally as fake and we start off to lunch.

Right as we reach the outside door we spot Cat and Robbie talking. "…Yeah I was thinking the same so, we should go out…" We hear Robbie say. Huh? Go out? Like to the store… please be to the store.

"Uh… sure. I would love to go on a date with you" Cat says smiling. A date? Like a date date? Like they're dating….

"They're both equally annoying in their own ways. Match made in heaven if you ask me" Jade says.

Jealousy surges through every part of my body. Not just like, oh hey I want those shoes, but the kind of jealousy that Jade feels when someone hits on Beck. Like I will shave Robbie's head in his sleep and make him eat his glasses whole, without chewing.

"Well, congratulations to the new couple" Beck says. A couple. Cat and Robbie are a couple. Cat and Robbie are dating. Ok, I'll admit it Robbie, Cat is now more yours then mine. You win.

This round, that is.

… …**.. …. … …. ….. …. … …. ….. …. …. ….. … ….. …**

**There you are, another chapter up for you. Not much went on in this chapter, but without it we can't move forward. Oh well, I guess every story has a few right?**

**Anyway, I promise there will be better chapters on the way. I'm still getting the ground work, foundation if you will, of this story down. So bear with me. **

**Well, until the next much better chapter, review. Tell me what you're thinking so far. I don't even think I know what I'm thinking yet… but I prefer your thoughts over mine anyway. Reviews = Love.**

**A.Y.P.**


	5. She wants him to love her

I gave them a week. And they are happily at a month. Yeah, I'm happy for them, but only because I have to be. They're my friends… I'm supposed to be supportive of their relationship. And I am… but god I would kill break Robbie's face in.

Yes of course I'm talking about Cat and Robbie. Hollywood Arts hottest couple and number one on my cut list.

I hate it. Seeing them hold hands when they walk down the hall. When they kiss, I want to tear his lips off. Mine were plastered to hers before his were! Well… that's only half true. But is she even happy? I get that he's ecstatic about it but what about Cat? I've hardly talked to her the past month because of Robbie. I don't care if this relationship was a mutual decision, I still blame him. She's just this innocent little flower that Robbie wants to… he's a teenage boy what else would he want?

"Tori" I hear snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I answer.

"You've been glaring holes into Robbie's face for fifteen minutes… are you ok?" Beck asks.

"Yeah I'm… peachy" I force out.

"I love peaches!" we both hear explode from behind us.

Cat…? IT'S CAT!

"Hey Cat" I say excitedly. It's taking everything in me not to just hug her and twirl her around. Beck is looking around for the soda that was in his hand completely ignoring her.

"Have you guys seen Robbie?" She asks concerned. That douche bag! He left her all alone and worried. I would never do that to you Cat.

"Oh… no" I lie through my teeth.

"Oh… well if you see him can you tell him I was looking for him?" She asks smiling.

"Yeah, of course" No I won't.

"Um… Tori… do you think I can come over tonight?" She says a bit timidly. That's weird… she's never timid… ever.

"Yeah of course" I rush out. Did that sound desperate? I am but I don't want it to sound like I am.

"Great, I'll come over after school" She says with a huge smile.

"Yeah-" I'm cut off by none other than, Robbie. Stupid dou-

"Hey guys. Hey Cat" He says gazing at her lovingly. Cat giggles and hides her face in her hands. I roll my eyes and cross my arms. I hate him.

Sure he was my friend. But the moment Cat became his girlfriend I was willing throw him. Not throw him into something or under something or off something, just throw him in general. You know what, it's whatever, Cat's coming over tonight and I can talk her out of dating him then.

Jeez… I've become a total bitch this past month. Oh god… no…

I've become Trina.

…. … … ….. ….. …. ….. ….. … … …. …. … …..

"Tori, you do this every time she comes over" Tina says from the couch. I ignore her and continue staring at the doorknob. Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four… "You stare at the door and count to forty-three, then open it." She continues. I ignore her again. Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two… "She rings the doorbell at least seventeen times and… Tori answer the door!" She finishes. It may seem stupid but I have my reasons. It actually… sounds like something Cat would do… weird. Forty-two, ah, forty-three.

I slowly twist the knob and open the door. There she is, my red headed beauty. What? There's no point in denying it anymore.

"Hi Tori" She says at normal volume. That's very un-catlike.

"Hey Cat" I say stepping aside and letting her in. "How are you?" I ask.

"Can… can we go to your room?" She says avoiding my question.

Another thing that's not like Cat… her smile isn't there… at all.

"Uh… yeah. Sure, come on." I say leading the way to my room. Once in my room I close the door behind us. "What wrong Cat?" I ask. She turns around to face me and keeps her eyes on the floor.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" She asks looking up at me.

Well that came out of nowhere. "Of course I think you're pretty Cat. Why?" I ask.

"Do think I look pretty in skirts or pants?" She asks.

"Uh- both. Why are you asking?" I ask.

"Do you think-"

"Cat. Why are you asking me these things?" I say cutting her off.

"Robbie said... that I didn't look pretty today." She says, obvious hurt in her voice.

"He said what?" I say monotone.

"Well… it's not the first time… but I figured that today you can tell me what I'm doing wrong." She says looking at me with hope. Oh hell no. He did not say that. I swear… I'm gonna kill him. How can you say something like that to someone like her?

"Cat… you're not doing anything wrong." I assure her.

"Yes I am, or he wouldn't say that. He's my boyfriend, he wouldn't say that if there wasn't something wrong with me." She says, her eyes started to fill with tears."Just tell me what's wrong with me so I can fix it." She her voice cracks. She starts to tremble and I do the only thing I know to do. I might not be good at it, but I'm willing to try for her. I wrap my arms around her and she sinks into me. Her face buried into my neck and her hands gripping onto my shirt. She's not crying but I know she wants too.

"Cat… you're beautiful" I say softly. "You are one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. Cat when people look at you they know for a fact that there's a God. Because there is no way that beauty like yours, just happened. You are so, so beautiful" I finish.

And that's what starts her tears. Hopefully good ones.

I can't believe he said that to her. He's not the best looking guy out there either. Who is he to judge? Everyone has their own opinion on what beauty is. Some people see beauty where others are disgusted. Just because someone doesn't look the way you think they should, doesn't make them ugly. Someone might not think you're attractive but that doesn't mean that no one does. You are someone's beautiful. Even if you don't see it… they do. I do.

"You're my beautiful, Cat. Even if you don't see it… I do." I whisper. I'm not sure if she heard me or not but by the sobs that are wracking her body I'm guessing she did. I move us to my bed and continue to hold her while she cries.

He's not ever saying that to her again. I'll make sure of it.

… …. …. …. …. … ….. …. ….. ….. … …. ….. …

Cat stayed with me last night. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy about it, but this morning I woke up with rage shooting through every part of my being. Today, I'm gonna tear Robbie's throat out so he can never say anything like that to Cat again. Even the blind could see her beauty. That's how obvious it is.

Speaking of the mother fu- "Hey Tori, have you seen Cat? She bailed on our date last night." He says scanning the hallway.

"How dare you" I say. He gives me a "WTF" look. I know it seems random to him, but it hasn't left my mind since I woke up this morning.

"How stupid do you have to be to tell someone as gorgeous Cat that she's not pretty?" I say as the bell rings. I'm not leaving. I'm not going to class or anywhere until he comes up with an excuse that I won't accept.

"Ugh she told you about that? Look it wasn't how she said it. You know how she gets emotional and over exaggerates." He says shrugging it off. Why is it that I don't believe that? Oh that's right, because I was up half the night holding his crying girlfriend.

"Did you tell her she wasn't pretty? " I snap.

"Well, yeah but it's not what you think" He exclaims.

"So, what? You just said it to see how'd she react? She's not some science project Robbie. She's your girlfriend and she deserves better." I say glaring at him.

"It's not like that" He says a little more sternly. "I'm helping her." He finishes.

"By what? Making her cry and feel like something's wrong with her?" I yell. We're the only two in the halls right now so I can scream if I want.

"Tori there _is_ something wrong with her. I'm just trying to fix her. I'm helping her. If I don't think she looks pretty then I tell her that" He says loudly.

"God Robbie, she doesn't need fixing, she needs to be understood. And who are you to judge if she's pretty or not?" I yell. This guy is seriously pissing me off. Helping her? Fixing her? Bullshit.

"I'm her boyfriend, I get to judge. I think I would know what's best for her. She's not dating you Tori." He yells back at me.

"Maybe she should be" I say under my breath.

"What?" He says not hearing me.

"That's not what a boyfriend does Robbie. You aren't supposed to fix her, you're supposed to love her." I say quieter.

"Tori, I'm not trying to fight with you, but you wouldn't know. You aren't Cat's boyfriend. This is our relationship and I don't appreciate you butting in. If Cat has a problem with it then she can tell me herself, but I know what I'm doing" He says then storms off.

I hate him. I hate him so much. He hurts her and then justifies it as being right. She just wants him to love her and all he does is tell her that he will _if_ she changes. She's so innocent that she doesn't get it. She doesn't see that he's not helping her, he's hurting her. This has to stop before she does something that she's gonna regret.

Just because she wants him to love her.

… …. … …. … ….. … …. …. … … …. …

"Are you gonna eat that?" Beck asks.

"Go ahead" I say pushing my sandwich towards him.

"So what's up with you? You've been acting weird the past few… weeks." He says taking a bite.

"Have I?" I ask already knowing the answer.

"Ever since Robbie and Cat started going out." He says with his mouth full.

"I've noticed too. You seem down" Andre says sitting down on the other side of me.

"It's just… a girl thing." I say knowing it'll immediately lose attention.

"Hey guys" Robbie says as he and Cat sit down. Everyone mumbles a hello and continues to not pay attention to them.

Throughout lunch they're in their own little world feeding each other french fries while I glare at Robbie. "Ok, just one of them was annoying, now that they're a couple… well, who wants to shoot me first." Jade says looking between Beck, Andre, and I. I open my mouth to answer. "Shut it Vega" Jade cuts me off.

We all hear the bell go off and we get up to leave. As we're walking back into the school I feel a rough hand on my arm that stops me in my tracks. Man they are strong. I turn around to see Beck, Jade-less thank god, with a knowing smile on his face.

"You're jealous." He says.

"I'm not jealous. I'm pissed off" I say crossing my arms.

"Right, because of Cat and Robbie's relationship. So you're jealous" He says.

"I'm not jealous. He just treats her like crap and she deserves better" I defend.

His eyebrows shoot up and his mouth opens a little.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh… I thought you were jealous of Cat… but, you're jealous of Robbie." He says slowly. Damn you Beck and your smartness.

"What? No I'm not. It's just a friend looking out for another." I say.

"Tori, jealousy itself _is_ my girlfriend. Trust me, I know it when I see it." He says. He makes a good point. But there's no way I'm admitting that I like her to him. I've barely admitted it to myself.

"Beck it's not like that. And we're gonna be late to class" I say.

"Whatever you say. But when she breaks you're gonna wish you had said something." He says turning to leave.

"Wait wait, what?" I ask.

"Tori, I know Robbie's our friend but, if this keeps going on he might actually break Cat. He doesn't know what he's doing and she's too fragile for experiments. I care about her too ya know? Not as deeply as you do, but we used to be best friends once upon a time." He says.

Beck and Cat used to be best friends? I didn't see that one coming.

"Then why don't you say anything?" I ask.

"Because that's come and gone. I don't get her anymore… I don't think I ever really did. She doesn't trust anyone like she trusts you. I'm already doing what I can, which is talking to you. I think she trusts you Tori and I don't want to see her get hurt." He says.

The sincerity in what he said rings out in my head like a fire alarm. Is this really that serious? Am I really the only one who can save her from heartache? Is she worth looking like an idiot if we're wrong?

Of course she is.

Beck turns again to leave and starts off towards his next class. "It's not jealousy" I say stopping him.

"It's desire."

…**.. ….. … …. ….. … …. …. … ….. … … …. …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter for you.**

**I know, I'm sorry it's still super duper slow but I'm still working out the kinks. Twas definitely an important chapter however. You see more of Robbie's motives and how Cat's feeling about them.**

**ParadoxMoonlight: I know, it sucks, but it's all part of my master plan.**

**Farmerg1214: Felt the love. And it was epic… see what I did there too?**

**Freudian Slips Cause Problems: I will take it into consideration. I'm deciding not to be my defensive self today so I mulled it over. Sorry that it bugs you, it's just the formatting I like, otherwise I figured there were too many spaces. Damn my defenses… anyway, let's talk about it.**

**Annnnnnd yay! This story is now officially Titled "Adorable". **

**Sorry for the long wait. Due to lack of inspiration I've had trouble writing lately. No idea when I can get the next one up. Inspire me. Review.**

**A.Y.P.**


	6. Like a Butterfly

Desire. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe that's why I'm trying to figure her out. Maybe that's why I kissed her boyfriend. Maybe that's why I threw a rock at Robbie today. Poor guy didn't even see it coming. But on the bright side, I found out I have great aim.

"Hey Tori"

It wasn't even loud like she normally is but I guess just out of habit I jump anyway.

"Hey Cat" I say turning to look at her. She's not really smiling today. I mean she's smiling but it's not nearly as big and bright as it normally is. That actually worries me. I swear to god, if Robbie so much as-

"How are you?" She asks calmly.

"Uh… great. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Haven't seen you in a while."

Wow… am I actually having a normal conversation with Cat? No unicorns, no sparkles, no rainbows? That's… amazing. She's being normal. Like a normal person.

"Yeah it's been a while. How are you and Robbie?" I ask.

"We're great. It's officially been two months as of last Saturday."

"That's great Cat. You two are happy huh?" I ask. It's mostly directed towards her lack of smile.

"Oh yeah definitely. Well, I should get going to class." She says then walks off.

That… was surprisingly pleasant. Maybe Robbie really is helping her. Don't get me wrong, I still view him as an asshole but maybe he's actually doing something right. Gah, I still want to punch him in the face.

Wait… wasn't I holding a cupcake?

…. … … … …. ….. …. … ….. …. ….. … …. …

"So have you told her yet?

"Told her what?"

"That you like her"

"For the thirty second time today, no" I say.

Ever since I told Beck about how I'm so hopelessly falling for Cat, he won't leave it alone. To be quite honest _I_ didn't even know how strongly I felt about her till I said what I said to Beck. It kind of just came out and I realized how true it was. At this point I'm not concerned if she feels the same way or not, if it's happens then it happens, all I really care about is her well being with Robbie.

"As much as I hate to bad mouth a friend, face it Tori, the guys a douche."

"You're not bad mouthing, you're stating a fact."

"Either way, do you honestly thing she's happy?" He says as we walk out of the school.

"I don't know. Beck I had an actual conversation with her today. Like the ones that normal people have. I'd say that that's a good thing."

"But is she happy?"

I shrug. I honestly don't know. I should know but I guess being selfish was my priority today.

"Do you need a ride?" Beck asks.

"No, I'll walk. It's nice out today. Plus Jade would kill me." He nods and walks off in the direction of what I guess is his car.

Hmm… is Cat happy? I'm pretty sure that's the only setting she really has. Well, besides sad. She didn't seem sad today though… just, not happy. I don't know why I'm talking about it like it's a problem, Cat's finally acting normal, I should be happy about that.

"Hey Tori" All my books immediately fly out of my hands. I think it's just my natural response to her.

"Hey… Cat"

"Walking today too?"

"Yeah, I think Trina just hates me" I say picking up my books. That's weird. She didn't giggle like she normally does when I say things like that. Then again, this is normal Cat.

When I stand back up with my books I notice her looking at a butterfly. She watches as it flutters around and the corners of her lips just barely turn up. Come on Cat, you love butterflies. Go chase it. Go go. Run. Sprint. Leap. Frolic.

"It must be great" She says keeping her eyes focused on the butterfly.

"What's great?"

"Being free like that. Free to spread you wings no matter how little they are. Just being a butterfly. No one telling you to be a ladybug. Because that's not what you are, you're a butterfly." I'm not sure if she was talking to me, the butterfly, or just thinking out loud.

"Are you ok Cat?"

"Of course" She says looking back at me.

"Are you sure? You seem… different today"

"I'm still Cat, Tori. Just… a better Cat."

"A better Cat? How do you figure?" I know I shouldn't pry, but maybe that's what she needs.

"People like me better this way… Robbie likes me better this way" She says looking at the ground.

That stupid son of a b-"And besides, maybe I even like me this way. It's kind of funny actually" She finishes.

"How so?"

"You spend your whole life trying to find out who you are, at times you feel that you know so little. But when you lose yourself completely, you realize how much of yourself you really had." She says with a far off look in her eyes. Wow. That… was deep.

It's not worth it. Whether she's finally being normal or not, it's not worth losing yourself. No one should to be lost in their own life. Screw what we want her to be. There's a difference between constructive criticism and being controlling. No one can tell you who to be and you can only be happy when you're you. I guess it's just up to you to decide what you'll be.

"Cat… are you happy?" I ask.

"Robbie's happy, everyone else is happy."

"Are you happy?" I repeat.

She looks up at me for a moment then back at the ground. "No, I'm not"

"Good. Because neither am I" I say. Her attention immediately snaps to me and her eyes are searching mine.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks.

"No, not you."

"Is there anything I can do you make you happy?" She asks.

Well we could go back to my house and tear each other's clothes off, then proceed to- "No, but I think I can make you happy" I say cutting of my previous thought. She arches an eyebrow. "It's a surprise" I say. She trying so hard not to smile but at the mention of a surprise her lips twitched.

"It starts with an 'ice'…" I trail off.

"Ice…" She lets herself smile.

"And ends in cream" I say with a smile

Ah, there it is, that shrill squeal and blinding smile. She immediately starts vibrating then envelops me in a bone crushing hug. Well, that wasn't hard.

….. … …. …. ….. ….. …. ….. …. …. ….. ….. ….. ….

What have I become? I'm stuck between pervert and horndog. I'm not sure what to call it just yet. We've been sitting here with ice cream cones for the past twenty minutes and I can't keep my eyes off her mouth. The way her tongue swirls around the top of the ice cream… to those full lips curving into a smile after every lick… why don't I just kill myself now, save my hormones the hassle.

She's also talking a mile a minute. I guess she's making up for lost time. Maybe I should actually try to listen to her for once "And then I slipped on some bubbles but instead of crying I started laughing because what if a zombie had actually-" well that was hard. This girl intrigues me.

"I missed this."

Well I definitely heard that. "What?"

"This. Being with you. It makes me feel like…" She trails off pondering her thought.

"Like what?"

"Like… a butterfly." She smiles. She is so adorable.

"Good. I like you as a butterfly."

"You do?" She asks with a real smile (finally).

"Yeah. I wouldn't want you any other way." I say. Her smile falters at that. Funny, I thought she'd be happy to hear that I like her the way she is.

"You like me the way I am?"

"Of course"

"Why doesn't everyone else?" She asks. She's being genuinely sincere here. The way her face is completely serious. The way her eyes search mine. Like her whole view of life hangs on every word I say.

"Because they don't get it. They don't see what they should see."

A small smile appears on her face and she nods slightly, telling me she understands. "They don't see what you see." She says. They don't see what I see? Cat… I'm not even sure what I see. And I wish I could tell you that I won't stop fighting till I _can_ see it.

She has this weird look in her eyes. It's kind of the way I picture myself looking at her. And now I'm lost again… in those big beautiful eyes. I'm searching again only this time, I think she's trying to help me find what I'm looking for.

We both hear thunder and it snaps us out of our little trance. Dark spots start appearing on the pavement outside the ice cream shop. I find it oddly comforting. Like I want to go out and touch it. Feel it.

When I look back at Cat she has a smile plastered to her face and like she read my mind, she bolts out the door. I don't think I've ever seen Cat not finish ice cream. Oh well. I leave mine as well and take off after her.

It's pouring. Thank God I'm not wearing white today.

We probably look crazy. Running around, twirling in circles, jumping in puddles. The weirdest part about all this, I don't care. It's worth seeing that gigantic smile on her face. It's also kind of fun. And well… she's hot when she's wet. Not that I can really be turned on in the freezing cold rain anyway… but I can try…

"Cat?" We both hear startling us.

"Robbie! Hey… what happened to your forehead" Cat says spinning around.

"I don't know this rock… forget it. Cat, what are you doing? People are watching" He says moving close to her. I honestly wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't of pointed it out. Now I feel self conscious. But Cat, she doesn't feel like that at all. She simply looks around at the few people on the street and in the ice cream shop, then shrugs it off.

"Cat you can't do that. What have we been talking about?" he says sternly.

"You're… you're right. I'm sorry." Her smile drops. What? She didn't do anything wrong.

"Robbie it's not like she's hurting anyone. We're just having some fun"

"Stay out of this Tori. Come on Cat, you've had enough fun today" he says wrapping his coat around her and taking her away. Taking her away from me.

What the hell is his problem? Is it so wrong to let her be herself for five minutes? Jesus this kids trying to control every moment. How can he be such an idiot? Why doesn't he see that she's not a ladybug… she's a butterfly.

… … ….. ….. …. …. …. …. … …. … ….. ….

I haven't seen Cat yet today. I'm worried about her… about whatever Robbie might've done to her. I don't think he gets that I will not hesitate to kick his scrawny ass. I honestly thought that Normal Cat was my aim. That I would be able to decode and decipher her and then she'd be normal. But these past few days have shown me that I don't want Normal Cat. I want Cat's "Normal Cat". Not our "normal", but hers. If Cat's normal is unicorns and rainbows, then let's have it. Not this front that everyone likes seeing.

"Hi Tori!" explodes behind me. Normally, I'd have a heart attack, but this time I don't. I quickly turn around, wrap my arms around her, and spin us around a few times. She squeals and giggles when I put her down. I also find myself mirroring her giant smile. I love seeing this side of her. Her normal side.

She looks over her shoulder for a moment then back to me. "He's not around" I say.

"Good. I want to be me today."

"You should be you everyday Cat"

"I think I should be new Cat as much as possible. It's still me. Just… another side. A better side" She says. And we're back to that again.

"I wonder why unicorns don't have wings… or do they?" She asks randomly.

"I… have no idea"

"Are you really that stupid?" Jade says as she walks by.

Cat's eyes immediately get dark. Something I've never seen before and I never wanna see again.

"I'm not stupid." She says in that dark tone I've only heard once.

"You're right. I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking, _retard_." Jade spits.

Cat's jaw clenches and she her eyes glaze over. Not because she's about to cry… no no… this is far worse than any temper tantrum we've seen her throw. It's like she's not looking at me anymore, but through me. Her fists clench and her face goes completely blank. Now I've never thought of Cat as an intimidating person… but right now… I'm really, really, scared.

"What did you call me?" She says still holding her tone.

"Retard… point proven" Jade says looking Cat up and down. All hell breaks loose with her emotions. I can see it in her eyes.

In a split second, Cat lunges, and the punches fly.

…**. … ….. …. … …. … ….. … ….. ….. ….. …. ….**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Sorry it took five years to update. I've had a serious lack of inspiration lately. Anyway, I hope it made up for the long wait. I left you on a cliff here because I wanted to be mean. What a horrible tour guide I am. **

**Someone mentioned to me that "Anyone** **can name a story '****Adorable****', but it takes skill for 'After Dark All Cats Are Leopards' ". I agree with this, but this story is going in a completely different direction then 'After Dark All Cats Are Leopards'. Thus I had to change the name. It wouldn't have fit just right like 'Adorable' does.**

**As for my shout outs:**

**ImthePelican: I like you. I don't know why, but I do. **

**E-Rose37: You enthusiasm actually helped me update. **

**Farmerg1214: What on earth would I do without you?**

**Midnight Ghost: You said it all.**

**Samijo: They're in high school. Just like the show, at Hollywood Arts. **

**Crazier: You make my heart smile. Is that even possible…**

**Review loves. Lots of reviews. Inspire me. **

**A.Y.P.**


	7. Shipwrecked

_**Previously**_

"_What did you call me?" She says still holding her tone._

"_Retard… point proven" Jade says looking Cat up and down. All hell breaks loose with her emotions. I can see it in her eyes. _

_In a split second, Cat lunges, and the punches fly._

_**Present**_

It happened so fast… too fast. One second she's standing in front of me, the next she straddling Jade, smashing her fists into any part of Jade she can. I'm too stunned to move. Paralyzed. So I watch as Jade, for the first time in her life, is helpless to defend herself. At this point, I am so glad everyone is already in class. I don't want anyone seeing her like this. _I_ don't even wanna be seeing her like this.

I hear a gut-wrenching plea for help from Jade and that tears me from my paralyzed state. "Cat… stop!" I yell. She doesn't. Like she didn't even hear me, she just continues punching, scratching, and god knows what. She's like an animal. If I'm gonna stop Cat, it's gonna have to be physically… not a bad thing really- TORI so not the time!

"Cat!" I make one last attempt at yelling. Screw this.

I lung forward and manage to get my arms wrapped around cat from behind, pinning her arms to her sides. She twists and fights me but it just makes me hold her tighter. "Let go!" She growls, her eyes full of hatred.

"Cat calm down" I say trying to keep my cool. I'm honestly scared out of my mind, but I can't let her know that. She's a lot stronger than she looks.

"Cat it's ok… it's ok" I'm not sure why I'm comforting her while she's trying to kill someone, but I know if I snapped like this, all I'd want is for someone to hold me and tell me I'm gonna be fine.

I'm amazed at how strong she is. She's manages to completely wear me out and keep fighting. But there's still no way in hell I'm letting go.

"No it's not" She struggles to get out. It's now I realize that she's crying. This is nowhere near a tantrum, it's a _meltdown_.

She manages to elbow me in the ribs pretty nicely, sending all the air that was in my body, quickly out of it. As much as it hurt I pull her closer to me, her back pressed tightly to the front of me. I take deep breaths and keep repeating "It's ok, it's alright".

She's completely breaking down. Sobs racking her body as she still struggles to get out of my grasp. They're more vein attempts now though. Giving me mixed signals to let go but hold on. "It's ok Cat… I got ya"

Hearing that, she crumbles in my arms in a crying heap, hunching forward as if to hide her tears. Don't hide from me Cat…

The only thing I can get from her sobs are "I'm sorry". Granted, she just beat the hell out of Jade, but in my book Jade deserved a punch to the face… or two… or ten. I just didn't expect Cat to be the one to do it.

"We need to get out of here" I say with a bit of urgency. As much as I want to stay here and hold her, if anyone walks through the hallway right now and sees this, we're dead. The only place I can think of to go would be my house. Both my parents are at work and Trina's here till three. And God knows what Cat's house is like. So my house it is.

"Cat we need to go" I say as I hear the sound of footsteps not far off.

She nods but doesn't move. She just continues sobbing and shaking. If I have to carry her out of this school I will.

"I'm sorry" she sobs again. Well then, I guess I have my answer.

I slowly let go of her and all the muscles in my arms protest. I'm not sure if it's because they like being around Cat or because they've been straining for the past ten minutes.

I crawl around in front of her and this is where I really get to see the damage. She looks so broken. Her eyes are red and puffy and she's whimpering a bunch of things I can't understand. Her eyes meet mine and I can instantly see the storm in the usually calm waters. No way I can navigate that in this state. Then again… maybe being shipwrecked isn't such a bad thing.

I'm pretty sure Jade is unconscious. Doesn't matter, whoever is walking down the hall will help her, right now, my focus is Cat.

Her sobs have slowed to sniffles and a quivering lip. I think she's searching my eyes as well. The strong urge to hold her hits me again but I fight it off (one of the hardest fights I've ever won).

"Come on" I say softly. I take her hands in mine and bring her up with me. As I turn towards the exit she glues herself to my side, arms around me and hands clasped on my side, and leans her head on my shoulder. I wrap an arm around her too as we leave the school. I expected to carry her out but… she's stronger than she seems. Maybe that's what I learned about her today. She doesn't need someone to carry her, just someone to lean on and pick her up when she needs it.

….. ….. …. … ….. ….. … …. …. ….. ….. ….. … ….. …

I know I always say this… but she's adorable.

We've been sitting on my bed for the last half hour. Haven't said a word to each other. She's in one of my oversized sweatshirts curled up on me and I'm leaning against my headboard. Her head is on my chest and my arms are wrapped securely around her. It's pitiful but also adorable in its own way.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this… like that." She says breaking the silence.

That's… the most normal thing I've ever heard her say.

She gets up into a sitting position across from me and wraps her arms around her legs. I've never seen her so… serious? Normal? Stable? She normally always has that blank kind of look when she talks… but now… she's brimming with emotions. I don't even…

"What happened back there Cat?"

"Me. I happened." She says suddenly finding my sheets very interesting.

"Explain" I say. I'm at a point where I can't search for it anymore. She has to draw me map through this stuff.

"What happened… that was just… me. It's what happenes when I can't control me." She says quietly.

"Yeah…" I encourage her to continue.

"Normally I'm happy. Sometimes I'm sad but most of the time I'm happy. I have to be because if I'm anything else… that happens."

So let me see if I have this right. Cat always forces herself to be this exploding ball of sunshine because she can't control any other emotion? That actually makes sense. She exerts all of her emotions into one emotion… happy.

"But… why?" I pry. Her eyes snap to mine and get very dark. Another storm rolling in. Please don't punch me in the face…

"I can't help it… no one can."

"Cat you've gotta give me more than that. As long as I've known you and as close as we've gotten lately… you know you can trust me." Full steam ahead, right through the eye of this thing.

She pauses for a moment, searching my eyes for honesty, when she finds it she continues. "ADD, ADHD, Split personalities, Character disorder, all the above and more. One doctor even went as far as Autism." she says with a far off look in her eyes.

That explains why she went berserk about Jade's comment. It actually… explains a lot.

"All of them?" I ask.

"Nothing is for sure. Every doctor has a different diagnoses. I've seen more doctors than movies, all with a different conclusions." She says. It is so weird seeing her… normal. Like… a normal tone, straight face, calm… I don't know if I like it.

"Are you taking anything for them?"

"Every prescription out there" She says nodding.

"I see" I say finally breaking eye contact to look at the floor.

"I understand if this is weird now… like around me. It's a social turn off so I get it if you-"

"I'm not weirded out. I'm actually … relieved." I say cutting her off.

"How so?" She asks completely confused. Her confused face is so cute.

"Now I don't have to wonder why you are the way you are."

She smirks and shakes her head as if I know so little. "There's a lot more to a sea then its names." She says.

Whoa… that came out of nowhere… it makes complete and perfect sense, but definitely took me by surprise.

Perfect sense… there's more to a sea then its name. Water, salt, and sand are what someone said it was. You know that… but you'll never truly see all of it unless you dive in.

Cat is her name. All those diagnosis's are what someone told her she had. What she just told me isn't even the surface. I'll never understand her, unless I dive in. I'm shipwrecked. Absolutely shipwrecked… and she's right there with me.

Guess I'm getting out my scuba gear.

…. ….. …. … ….. ….. …. ….. …. … … … … … … …

Every wonder why the sky is blue? Everyone says it's the reflection of the ocean… but… reflecting off what? There's a thought, next time someone tells you that, ask them what it's reflecting off of.

"Tori?" I hear snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You've been zoning out the entire lunch period… what are you thinking about?" Andre asks.

"Oh, the sky and why it's blue" I say nonchalantly. He looks at me weird then shrugs it off.

"Hey guys" Robbie says as he and Cat sit down at our table. I only pry my instant glare off of Robbie to see Cat give me a sweet smile. I easily return it. Last night was pretty awesome for us so I know we're not faking the smiles today.

Robbie started babbling about some sort of play being put on but Cat and I are both ignoring him. We decide to make better use of our time and gaze er… stare at each other…

It doesn't take long for Andre to see this and after a bit Robbie finally shuts his stupid face and notices too.

"Are you two… ok?" Robbie asks skeptically.

"You ever wonder why 'bra' is singular but 'panties' are plural?" I ask Cat completely ignoring Robbie's question.

"Or why no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?" She asks with a huge smile.

"Well Cat. I can actually answer that, you see…" Robbie goes off on that. Cat just gets confused but nods anyway and I'm glaring daggers into Robbie's face.

"Tori what's up with you today?" Andre asks.

"Nothing… I'm gonna go… do this thing for Trina" I lie. He just holds his confused look as I get up and walk back into the school.

Stupid Robbie with his stupid face and his stupid glasses with his stupid face and his stupid hair with his stupid shirt and his stupid face.

As I pass by the janitors closet a hand pops out of it, grabs my arm, and pulls me in. Before I can even assess what's happening my mouth just starts spitting words.

"I swear to god I'll scream rape!" I rush out. Not a bad first line when something like this happens. High five Vega.

"Right…" I hear as I finally get a good look at my aggressor.

"Jade?"

"I prefer the grim reaper but Jade will do" She says sarcastically. And… now I can see the damage. She as a pretty darn nice black eye and fat lip. Wow, go Cat.

"I take it you didn't drag me in here for some cover up. Unfortunately my skin isn't that pale." I say with a smirk.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up Vega. Look, I didn't come here to be insulted." She says.

"Then why?"

"I need a favor"

Instantly I'm on high alert… what on God's green earth could I do for Jade? I mean yeah I helped her out with her play that one time but… now I'm scared she wants me to assassinate Cat.

"A favor…?" I ask making sure I know where the door handle is.

"Yeah, it's about Cat." OH DEAR GOD SHE WANTS ME TO KILL HER. RUN TORI, RUN LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE SET ON FIRE.

"I'm only gonna say this once, so listen close. Tell her I'm sorry… for what I said. It was out of line an… she didn't deserve that." She says with an eye roll. I know she meant it though.

"Wow… really?" I ask shocked. Since when did Jade ever feel remorse… or feel anything for that matter.

"Yeah, just… do it."

"Why don't you just tell her?" I ask. Her jaw clenches and she looks away.

"Oh my god… you're afraid of her?" I say with a huge smile.

"Shut it Vega! I'm not afraid. It would just be… unfortunate if we had to fight again. I wouldn't want to have to hurt her this time"

"Uh huh" I say not believing it.

"Would you just do it?" She asks getting impatient.

"Yes Jade, I will. But, Cat's not gonna hurt you again. Hard to believe maybe for you but she won't."

Jade has another healthy eye roll then walks past me and out of the closet. I guess Jade learned the hard way that there's more to Cat than perceived.

…. … … … …. ….. … … … …. …. …. ….. ….. …

I saw Cat one more time before school ended today. Long enough to tell her what Jade said but too short so I couldn't invite her out for ice cream. She had to get to a date she and Robbie were having tonight. I'll probably text her later and ask about it.

So last night with Cat was pretty crazy. After she told me all that stuff we just laid around and watched movies. I also found out that if you have one of those laser pointers, she chases it. I spent hours doing that. It's probably a terrible thing to do to her, but I couldn't help myself.

I feel so close to her now. She shared this huge part of her life with me that no one else, that I know of, knows about. It's like the feeling I get when I'm holding her, but all the time. I gotta say, I love that kid.

Not like romantically, but the way you'd love your best friend. I wanna tell her that constantly, it's even almost slipped a few times today, but I managed to bite it back. I don't want to freak her out or anything… then again… it's Cat, freaking her out is an almost impossible thing to do.

Either or, I'm glad we took this huge step in our friendship.

I hear a knock at the door and hop off the couch to get it. That's weird, who would be at my house at… 10:23 at night?

I open the door and to my surprise, it's Cat, looking peppy but determined.

"Hey Cat…" I trail off confused.

"I need you to do something for me." She says.

"Uh… ok" I say hesitating a bit.

"Great, I need you to take my virginity"

…**.. …. …. … … …. … ….. … ….. … … … … …..**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Ok, take a number and get in line to kick me in the face. I know it's been forever since I've updated. I've missed you all a lot. Life has been… really crazy lately. If it wasn't for my strong dentist approved teeth, I'd wonder how I've bitten so many bullets. **

**Anyway, here is your chapter. Love the ending don't ya? You know I had to make this one extra emotional then leave you one a cliff after how long it's been. **

**Ok so… I'm in a bit of a dilemma with this story. I changed the name from 'After Dark All Cats Are Leopards' to 'Adorable', but yet again this story is taking another unexpected turn. Yes, I am debating changing the name, **_**again**_**. Let us all internally groan together. **

**But really, I'm either changing it back to the original title, leaving it where it is, OR changing the name to 'Undisclosed Desires'. I'm gonna need feedback on this one. If you haven't heard the song 'Undisclosed Desires' by Muse, listen to it and pay attention to the lyrics. I listened to it today and it reminded me of this story, thus promoting my update. So between the three, if you would be so kind, tell me what you think.**

**As for my shout outs:**

**ImthePelican: I like you. I'm pretty sure I've said that before, but I just wanted to say it again.**

**HerGlassKnight: Heyo, thanks for recommending me. That kind of review makes me want to kick the ground in a bashful manner. **

**Lief62: You my friend, flatter me.**

**I love you guys. I really do. I was rereading my reviews for my shout-outs and had this huge grin on my face the entire time. Made my day.**

**Review loves, tell me what you think of the name and anything else you have to say. Motivate me. **

**A.Y.P.**


	8. I'm not him

_**Previously **_

_I open the door and to my surprise, it's Cat, looking peppy but determined. _

"_Hey Cat…" I trail off confused._

"_I need you to do something for me." She says._

"_Uh… ok" I say hesitating a bit._

"_Great, I need you to take my virginity"_

_**Present**_

"You need me to WHAT?" I yell. Tell me she didn't just say that.

"I need you to-"

"I heard you. Why on God's green earth do you want me to do that?" I ask still in a panic.

"Can I come in?" She asks.

I step aside and she walks in. Good thinking… I don't exactly want the neighbors to know why I'm freaking out like it's the zombie apocalypse. I am so glad my parents and sister aren't home right now.

"I don't see what the problem is, I trust you" she says sitting on the couch. Don't get me wrong, hearing her say that she trusts me has me thrilled, you just can't see it because it's hiding behind the 'WHAT THE FLYING FIZZUCK' in bright lights.

"Cat this is huge, it's your virginity. Once you give it away there's no getting it back. Gone, forever. It's giving a pretty big part of yourself to someone. I really thought that you'd care more about something like this." I say too mind blown to sit.

"I do, and that's why I want you to have it."

"I don't even… elaborate on that for me." I say.

"Well… Robbie and I have been together for a while now… and Jade and Beck have done it so…" She trails off.

"Wait… you wanna have sex with Robbie?" I ask monotone. I can't believe this.

"It's what couples do." She says. Oh… hell no.

"No it's not Cat. Well I mean… some do but it's not for everyone. Some people don't even do it till they're married. And you're kind of young don't you think?" I ask. Please for the love of God see my side to this Cat.

"Well… I guess I am young but Robbie said that it's something couples can do… he's not really pressuring me but I know he really wants to do it." She says. Robbie… that motherfu-

"And besides, he said he loves me" She finishes.

"Loves you? Cat, he's probably just asking for sex. Guys can do that sometimes. What about you, do you love him? Do you even want to do it?" I ask.

"I… Tori this is my decision. I want to do this."

"Then why are you here? Why aren't you with him right now asking this question? Why isn't he the one taking your virginity?" I ask lowering my voice.

"Because I want it to be you." She answers simply.

"Why?"

"Because as much as I may or may not love him… I don't want him to have it. It seems too important. I only trust **you** this way. You're the only one who would understand and be… gentle." She says the last part quietly.

Those are some loaded words. Only trusts **me** in that way. She trusts **me** with her body. She wants **me** to have her in a way that no one has before.

"Cat we shouldn't. You and Robbie shouldn't either. It should at least be with someone you love."

"Well I love you" She says looking up at me.

"Not like that though. You love me but you're not **in** love with me. And I don't think you're in love with him either. Look just… sleep on it Cat. Take a day to think about it" I say walking back to my front door.

"Tori… when Robbie and I are kissing… sometimes it's hard to stop. Sometimes I don't want to stop but I do, then I see how disappointed he is. I think it's gonna happen regardless of how I feel. So… why not have it be with someone I know I won't regret it with." She says shyly walking up behind me.

She really wants me to do this. It's an ultimatum really. If I don't, Robbie will… and the last thing I'm gonna do is let that selfish son of a bitch take her innocence. He wouldn't know what to do anyway. He would hurt her… but she knows I'll be gentle.

Am I really gonna do this?

"Wouldn't this be cheating on Robbie if you're losing your virginity to me?" I ask. Thank you logic.

"Wouldn't it be cheating myself out of what should happen if it was with Robbie?" She says matching my statement. "Look it's ok, if you don't wanna do it-"

"I wanna do it" I say cutting her off. There. Simple as that. I wanna do it and… who am I kidding, there is nothing simple about this.

"Ok… should we go to your room?" She asks. WHAT?

"You mean now?" I ask freaking out again.

"Well… yeah"

"Like right now…" I trail off.

"Yeah, isn't everyone gone?" She says looking around.

"Yeah for Trina's audition but… they'll be back early tomorrow morning."

"Right well we can just go to school together, I hear they're serving brownies!" She says randomly.

I can't do this… I mean, come on, she wants to do it tonight! I just accepted the fact that she wants me to take it but… right now? What if I don't satisfy her? Am I even supposed to satisfy her? How would I know, I've never done it either!

"You look nervous" She says snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I am nervous"

"Well don't be… I trust you Tori" She says.

It feels great to hear that, even though I'm scared out of my mind at whatever comes next.

"Cat, I'm glad you do, really I am. But this is a lot to take in, in… five minutes. Tonight we just… can't"

"Tori it has to be tonight. I can't guarantee that the next time you see me I'll still be a virgin. I feel like Robbie and I are _that_ close." She reasons.

"You have to know what you're asking of me. This is so far out of my comfort zone, no this isn't even relevant to comfort, Cat this is so far from anywhere I've ever gone that I don't think I can do it." I say.

"I get it. It's scary sailing into an uncharted territory. But I'm willing to go there with you. We'll explore it together. It's just another part of the ocean." She says. Now that… that I understand. I'm at a loss.

Then let's set sail.

Her eyes drift towards the stairs and I swallow hard. I hesitantly lead her up to my room and close the door behind us. I'm not exactly sure how to go about this… this is all coming at me so fast. Heh heh… that's what she said.

Really Tori? **Really**? You're gonna make that kind of joke right now?

"Can we… turn off the light?" She asks quietly.

"Uh yeah" I say hitting the switch on my lamp.

The light from the moon is streaming through my window and lighting up my room. I can defiantly make out her body and the nervous look on her face.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Absolutely" I don't think she's been surer about anything in her life.

"Should I take off my clothes?" She asks.

"I-if you want" I stutter. Good God… Cat is going to be naked, in my bed. Naked Cat. Cat Naked. No matter how many times and ways I say it, it will never lose its appeal.

Cat slowly peels off her shirt and I watch every movement. Yes, I am absolutely perving all over this. Even if this is scary, I'm still a teenager with hormones. And seeing her in just a bra and jeans is more of a turn on than you'll ever know.

Next goes the jeans, she slowly pulls them down and looks up at me nervously. Whatever she was looking for in my eyes, she found it because she then goes to unsnap her bra. I can't tear my eyes away… she's so beautiful.

She pauses for a moment as I quickly take off my hoodie. It's gotten quite a bit hotter in here.

Instead of unsnapping her bra like she was about to, she walks up to me and turns around. She moves her hair to the side and takes a deep breath.

"Can you get that…" She trails off.

Oh… she wants me to do it? Hell. Yes.

I reach up to the little clasp and my fingers just barely brush her back. She shivers at the contact and I can't help but wonder if she's enjoying this as much as I am or even at all. With a simple tug the clasp is undone. I slide the straps off her shoulders and am so tempted to plant kisses all over the exposed skin.

I hear her take another deep breath and she slowly turns around.

Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking. They're perfect… she's perfect. What do I call them? Breasts? Boobs? Whatever they are… they're perfectly round and full. After what feels like ages my eyes finally find hers and the unsure look she had is gone.

"You're so beautiful…" I say as my eyes trail back to her chest. Who would've thought right? That _those_… would belong to Cat.

Hearing that her movements lock up and this incredibly unsure look floods her eyes. Tori what did you just do? I swear to God if you offended her in any way-

"Maybe you're right, maybe we shouldn't do this" She says quickly. She picks up her bra and begins putting it back on.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask.

"No"

"Are you ok?" I ask, concern growing by the second.

"I'm fine… I just need to go" She says pulling her jeans on.

"Cat what's wrong?" I say putting my hand on her shoulder. She straitens and sighs. I don't even know how I upset her. And speaking of that, this is probably the first time I've ever seen her upset like a normal person. She's not flipping out like usual. "You can trust me, remember?" I finish.

"It's just that… that's what Robbie says when we get close to doing this. It doesn't feel right though." She says furrowing her eyebrows. I'm gonna kill him. I'm going to punch him in his stupid face then throw him out of a ten story building window. You know what no, a _twelve _story building window.

"I'm not him" I say.

"I know. And you can only imagine how happy that makes my heart" She says quietly with a small smile.

And just like that, she's gone. She left. I didn't stop her, I didn't even walk her to the door. I simply sat on my bed and thought about the previous events until I fell asleep.

"And you can only imagine how happy that makes my heart" constantly playing in my head.

….. ….. … … ….. ….. … …. ….. … ….. ….. ….. …

Cat left Robbie and we held each other till the end of time.

The hardest part of waking up is realizing that it was just a dream. I've had that dream every night this week. My heart hurts. My heart hurts for her. I haven't seen her but simple passing each other in the hall this entire week due to Robbie being a dick. He's worried about Cat apparently and only feels that she's "safe" with him.

I hate it.

I hate that he's being a good boyfriend to her. He shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, I want what's best for Cat, but you have to trust me when I say that I know it's not him. He's not what's best for her.

I'm currently exiting the school after a day of pointlessness when I feel a hand on my arm. I turn to face whoever interrupted my wallowing and… Cat.

"Hey" She says with a smile.

"Hey" I say matching her smile. Normally I'd be happier, but all week I've worried if she had given herself to Robbie or not. Judging by his ever present smirk lately… she has.

"I haven't seen you all week" She says.

"Yeah know, I've been busy." I lie. Yeah, I've been plenty busy waiting for you to call. Waiting for you to stop by.

"I miss you." She says letting her face get serious.

"I miss you too."

"Hey Cat, we gotta go. I just found out- Oh, hi Tori." Robbie says with his annoying voice. I nod acknowledging him.

I was about to tell them I was gonna head home when this kid, known for being a smartass, walks up to Cat with a few other kids.

"Hey kitty Cat, why is the color pink called pink and not light red?" He asks with a smirk. Cat's face lights up and she immediately starts going off about pink needing its own name because it's happier than red. When I'm sure she's almost finished, he busts out into laughter along with a few of what I guess are his friends.

"This is Allen, a new kid. I just wanted to save the best for last" He says. "Her stupidity never ceases to amaze us. Told you she was crazy." He continues and the group snickers.

"H-hey, that's not-" Robbie tries but they just wave him off. That's all you're gonna do Robbie? Really? Yeah, some boyfriend. He can't even stand up for her, much less himself.

But Cat can… and that's what scares me.

Cat's eyes get dark and her expression goes blank. He hit one nerve too many. She's about to go into another episode and judging by how the last one went, I don't know if I'll be able to stop this one.

I see Cat's jaw muscles tighten and her fists clench. Robbie notices and actually looks a little scared.

"I'm not stupid… or crazy." She says in that dark tone I'm prone to hating.

"Right, keep telling yourself that" he says and begins to walk away with his group. I should let her kill him. He's a total douche bag and I should let her, but I won't. She would hate herself for it and I love her too much to let it happen, unlike her boyfriend. She can't control it, but maybe I can.

She takes one step forward before I turn and root myself right in front of her. My expression is nothing short of love. Pure love. Her eyes avert from mine to the crowd of boys walking away, then back to mine, I'm on a horse. Get it? The old spice commercials? I know… so not the right time…

Her breathing is bit more forced and her nostrils flair a few times. Me looking at her isn't gonna do anything. I can see her grinding her teeth together, rage building by the moment.

"He's an idiot Cat. He's an idiot and an asshole and he doesn't know what he's talking about." I say. Her expression doesn't change. I'm pretty sure Robbie peed himself too.

"Cat…" I start and put my hands on her shoulders. "You're not stupid and you're not crazy. He's the crazy one. He's the stupid one. He can't see it. They can't see what you see." I rush out.

I literally pulled that out of nowhere. I kind of just said whatever came to mind to make this stop.

Whether it made sense or not, she's coming out of… well, whatever she's in. I'm not gonna lie, I was scared out of my mind that this would be her –beat-the-shit-out-of-Jade- episode all over again, but thankfully it wasn't. Don't know how I did it…

Cat unclenches her fists and her expression turns normal again. Slowly but you can definitely tell. And Robbie, well, he seems blown away. This entire time he thinks he's been protecting her. It almost makes me laugh. He has no idea what she's capable of.

"Cat… I think we need to go" Robbie says with a shaky voice. Cat looks extremely self conscious. Embarrassed even.

"Actually… I think I need to hang out with Tori today." She says facing him. This puts the biggest smile on my face that you could imagine, internally though, considering this would be a terrible time to smile. Oh what, now I have good timing?

"Cat I really think you need to be with me today, we need to talk about th-"

"I need to be with Tori." She cuts him off.

"Fine… Call me if anything comes up. Really, anything." He says then leaves.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"Yeah… I am now" She says smiling up at me.

…**. ….. … ….. … ….. … …. … … …. …. …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter for you in a timely manner this time.**

**Ok, so I know this chapter is literal crap and super duper rushed but it's like ripping of a band-aid (which I still can't do without crying), it had to be done and so it was. I'm sorry it's 3,000 words of nothingness. **

**I really haven't been in my element lately. Something really messed with my head this week so my writing just decided to suck with it. **

**The next one however is worth it I promise. It picks up right where this one left off and is actually already written. Yes, you read right. The next chapter is already done. **

**As for the title of this story, I am having the hardest time with it. I'm not at all at peace with this title. It's mainly because it's gone far deeper that just 'Adorable' but 'After Dark, All Cats are Leopards' didn't fit quite right either. Eight chapters in is a terrible time to think about this, but it's just so unsettling. **

**Anyway:**

**Winter Wish 7: That's just what I needed to hear.**

**Alright loves, review so I can get the next one up.**

**A.Y.P.**


	9. She has her reasons

**Ok guys, I'm not sure if this will work or not but this:**

http:/ stat ic . tu mblr. com/ 45v0p3a/Ycklccydl/ ariana_grande_16..jpg

**Minus the spaces is how Cat looks in this one. Absolutely gorgeous. Sorry I had to butcher the link so badly.**

…**.. … ….. …. … … … ….. … ….. … ….. ….. …..**

"Cat you don't have to hang out with me"

"I know. I _want _to. I always want to. You should know that Tori." She says with a slight smile. If that doesn't warm the heart, I don't know what will. She's just… adorable.

I smile and we walk out of the school together. I'm happy Trina forgot me today.

"Don't be sad" Cat says randomly.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You've been sad lately. No one else can tell but I can." She says looking up at me as we walk.

"And how exactly is that?"

"Because I know you. The real you. And you know the real me." She says. Know the real her? Regardless of what she's told me, I still have no idea who she really is.

"Ah, well I'm not sad" I say.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm just … frustrated I guess" I say kicking a rock.

"Ohhhh… like you were last time?" She whispers looking around.

"Last time…?"

"Yeah last time. You know… when you said you were horn-"

_**Flashback**_

"_So why was it bothering you?" She asks bright eyed. _

"_Uh…" I stutter. Honestly what am I gonna say? I can't just go "Well I've been extremely horny since then and can't stop thinking about it". Seriously, how would she react? _

_Cat's face is somewhere between worried and horrified._

… _sh…shit. For the love of god… tell me I didn't just think that… OUT LOUD._

"_That… that was supposed to stay inside my head." I say. She nods slowly. I drop my face into my hands and sigh. How on earth am I gonna recover from that? _

_**End Flashback**_

"NO. Not like that" I cut her off.

"Oh… then what's wrong?" She asks. Really what am I gonna say? I'm mad because she had sex with her boyfriend? No. You can't win here Vega. Just let it go.

"Did you sleep with Robbie?" I blurt out. What the hell? I thought we were letting this go?

Cat's eyes bug out of her beautiful face and she immediately stops walking.

"That's what this is about?" Cat asks completely taken by surprise. I'd personally like to take her more than just by surprise… TORI.

"Uh…" I trail off.

"Well I didn't. You know you'd be the first to know if I did" She says like it's obvious. Does she really feel that close to me? Because I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere and she's worlds away.

"Oh…" I trail off again.

"So are you ok now?" She asks.

"Yeah" I say. Another thing I love about Cat, she'll let some simple answers with loaded secrets slide by. I don't always have to be prepared to explain myself.

"Yay! So, yesterday I was eating a popsicle-" She starts but I immediately get lost.

I'm not sure if it's the thought of Cat and a popsicle or because it's one of Cat's stories that confused me so fast, but one thing is for sure, now I am definitely the **other** kind of frustrated. I think it helps that Cat is still as innocent as the last time I saw her.

I'm not a selfish person, or… so I'd like to think, but I want it to be with me. Even though she didn't have sex with Robbie, I'm on edge if she will or not. I mean, the night we were gonna do it she backed out, which was totally fine. But what if the next time the opportunity shows itself she doesn't back out? What if she and Robbie go all the way in the heat of the moment. I'll always wonder what I could've done differently that night. Something I could've done to make her more comfortable… to have made it happen. Would that really make a difference though? She still ends up with him anyway.

It would've totally made a difference.

And if it's anything I can notice in a deep state of thinking, it's when Cat stops talking. I didn't even catch the end of her story. I think she just stopped. She looks like she's in deep thought about something.

"You ok?" I ask stopping next to her.

"Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you" She says staring off into the distance.

Wow… she has the most random timing for making my heart clench. She doesn't know what she'd do without me…

"W-what do you mean?" I stutter.

"With what happened back there, you stopped it." She says with a warm smile. "I've never been able to stop it. Not even my parents or social aids or anyone. And out of them all… I think I like you the most." She finishes.

"I don't really know what to say" I say. Well I don't.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad you're here."

"I'm glad to be here. Couldn't imagine being anywhere else." I say with a smile. Tori, that was a great line. It's pushing the envelope, but a great line.

"Tori?" She asks with an innocent look in her eyes. I live for that.

"Yeah?"

"I want to try again tonight" She states simply.

"Try what?"

"I want to try to… give you my virginity."

At that I choke on air, and turn to bend over to catch my breath. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that we stopped in front of a tree so when I turned I smacked my face right into it causing me to flinch back in pain and fall flat on my back.

When I manage to bite back any tears that wanted to come out successfully, I pull my hands away from my face and look into Cat's worried one.

"Are you ok?" She asks reaching down to touch my forehead. Tingly.

"Yeah…" it came out as more of a whine than anything.

"Are you sure? If you want we can-" I tune out of what she's saying.

Try again tonight? She's _trying_ to kill me I swear. I mean yeah, my parents are taking Trina to another audition in Redding so they won't be back till tomorrow, but I am so not prepared. This isn't like last time. Last time we just hopped up to my room but now I have the entire walk home to talk myself in and out of it. God knows how it'll go this time around.

I know a few minutes ago I was rambling on about how it should've happened, but now that the possibility is here… I don't know if I do anymore.

Yes you do Tori. It's you, or it's Robbie. Are you really gonna let him have that?

Damn you reason. You win. Again.

….. ….. …. … …. … ….. …. … …. …. … …

We've been at my house for five minutes and I'm still freaking out.

I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I mean, I've _heard_ how two girls are supposed to have sex but it's not like I've ever seen it done. And especially to a virgin. Then there's the whole, 'popping her cherry' deal that I'm not sure if I'm grossed out by or just scared of altogether.

"Is it gonna hurt?" Cat asks as we make it up to my room.

"Uh… well from what I know it's supposed to." I shrug.

"Do you wanna wait till it's darker?" She asks sitting on my bed. I want to start hyperventilating so bad it hurts. Sure I may make a quirk here and there about doing her, but **actually **doing her is totally different.

"I don't know. Whatever you feel more comfortable with." It's sunset so we have about a half hour till it's dark. She simply nods and pats the spot next to her. Right… I'll go sit down with you while my heart tries to break my ribs it's pounding so hard.

"Cat… I'm really nervous" I admit. So, so nervous.

"Me too" she says.

"Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this? Once it's done it's done. There's no going back." I say.

"I'm sure" she says turning to face me.

She's gorgeous. I'm not sure I've said it enough. She's just in jeans and a hoodie today, very un-Cat like, but to me she's beautiful.

"You promise you'll be gentle?" she asks quietly. She looks up at with an expression that's beyond worried. I run my hand through her long wavy hair and offer a comforting smile.

"I promise. And the minute you feel uncomfortable I'll stop."

"Can you go slow?" She asks the minute my answer is out.

"We can go as slow or fast as you want." I reassure her.

"I don't know what I'd do without you" She says again after a moment. Before I can respond she leans forward and presses her lips to mine. I'm glad she didn't give me time to respond, because there is nothing better than this right here.

Nerves? Anxiety? No. It was gone the moment her lips touched mine.

At first it was a few short kisses. Then it got a little more heated.

You know what happened. But you don't need to know everything. Just know that it was intimate.

Her clothes ended up on my bedroom floor, I gazed into her eyes with one hand on the side of her face the moment it happened. There with only the pink glow of the sunset lighting the room, it was perfect. There's something about that look that will forever be burned into my brain.

She was calm, relaxed when it happened. It took her a second to gather her thoughts but when it hit her, she looked up at me with a slight smile. She has her reasons for asking me to continue, I didn't and won't question them.

I don't know what got me the most, the look of pleasure on her face when I brought her to the end, or feeling of her nails digging into my shoulders as her back arched.

I wasn't a horny teenager. I was someone she trusted doing something she needed. I don't think my eyes left hers once. This wasn't a time to think about what I was doing. This wasn't a time to ogle her body. This was a moment between me and her.

Like I said you don't need to know everything. Just that it was intimate. And that when I woke up in the morning, I was ok.

I was ok with the fact that I wasn't a virgin anymore either.

… … … … …**.. … … … …. ….. ….. … …**

**Bet you didn't see that coming huh?**

**Anyway, hello again my Lotus Blossoms. I've been biting at the bit to get this one out and now you know why. It's so weird for me to right such a vague sex scene. Where I'm from in the fanfiction universe, it's all rated M so I'm used to writing extremely detailed sex scenes. But I really felt that this fic was supposed to stay rated T till further notice.**

**As for my shout-outs:**

**Holy crap you guys are awesome. I got freakin 19 reviews on the last chapter. Blew me away. **

**xXLordOfInglipsXx: Look another update, don't die D: I loved the sheer need in your review haha.**

**Sami Jo: That my friend is what I needed to hear. It put my mind at ease for a bit. Thank you. And I hope this one lived up to your expectations. Oh yeah, just for you.**

**Dramahunny: I hear ya. I've never liked him but I don't exactly want to single him out as the main bad guy.**

**SuperGravyMan: Glad to have you on board. I try to be as original as possible, I'm not fond of the word 'cliché'. **

**Crazier: You just outright flatter me.**

**Peanutbutterpickle22: Glad to have you on board. Thanks for giving this one a chance.**

**BubblieM: Glad to have you on board as well.**

**ALSO: Kudos to Sami Jo for being my 100****th**** review for this story. I don't think any of my other stories have progressed this fast. Ever. You guys just rock. I feel like I don't say that enough.**

**Welcome to all my new readers. **

**Till the next (and already half written) chapter, review, suggest, say hi, and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	10. It was what it was

So last night was… well, it was what it was.

Remember yesterday when I was talking about how Robbie had an ever present smirk on his face, which lead me to believe that Cat had given into him? I totally get it now. I haven't been able to wipe this smirk off my face today. And every time I see Robbie and Cat in the halls, I almost smile. I would kill to shove something like this into his face, but because of Cat I won't.

Waking up this morning was probably one of the best parts.

I mean of course waking up naked in bed with Cat is like a dream, but it was the feeling that gets me the most. It just had this, sweet tone to it. It wasn't awkward or anything. We just got up, put clothes on, and went to school. After collapsing onto each other last night than almost instantly falling asleep, you'd expect it to be anything else. It was a big moment for her and… it was for me too.

Believe me, I wasn't planning on… giving her my virginity, but it did happen. I guess we just got caught up in the moment and before I knew it, we were both naked and tired beyond belief. I don't feel stupid or bad about it. I'm kind of relieved actually. Now I don't have to worry about giving it to the wrong person. I feel really good. Not like a big part of me is gone, just changed. And the same goes for Cat. We changed _together_.

I know we're just friends but that, what happened last night, it really opened my eyes to this whole intimacy thing. I don't see how people can just have casual sex… not after that. No, it is so much more than that.

I know that it doesn't change things. Cat's still with Robbie and plans to stay with him. But that doesn't cast a single shadow on how I feel right now. Our situation may not have changed, but our relationship _definitely_ has. It wasn't meaningless, we both know that. And as casual as she wanted to be about it, she knew just as well as I did that it would change us. I can see it in her too. She feels exactly like I do about this whole thing. The one emotion we're both lacking? Regret.

She knows I see it and I think she does it just to humor me. I'm talking about her smirk. It's the same one I have. Or the shy glances she'll send me from across the hall. Those automatically turn my smirk into a smile.

Maybe I just get off on it. This whole 'dirty little secret' thing. You know that wasn't my intention. It wasn't about beating Robbie to it or bragging rights. It was just about me and Cat. But having a dirty little secret is a fat bonus. I have something from her that he won't have, that he'll never have, that_ no one_ will have.

And she has something from me in the same way.

"Hey Tori!" I hear explode behind me. Dangit! There goes my history book. I thought we were past the whole scaring the heck out of me thing.

"Hi Cat" I say turning around to face her. There it is. That smirk that begs you to ask what she's hiding.

"How are you?" She tries to ask casually. She's really trying not to just burst into a fit of giggles. I kind of want to too.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Perfect. Today in science we talked about frogs and then I wondered what it was like to be a fly then-" annnnnnd she lost me.

Oh well. I had fun understanding her for all of the four seconds I did. I think that's actually a personal best. I've been understanding her stories better lately though. I think I'm finally having some sort of impact on her, even Beck and Andre laughed at a few of her stories today.

My thoughts are interrupted by warm fingers sliding through mine. I look down at Cat's and I's intertwines hands then and bite back the huge grin that wants to tear my face in half. I look back to her face and she has on a smile I've never seen before. It's like a cross between love-struck and just out right happy.

Now that, is adorable.

"What?" I ask referring to her smile and lack of talking.

"Nothing. I'm just… happy" she says. Good. I'm happy too. I'm happy for my reasons but mostly just because I'm the reason she's happy.

"Good" I say. It is really hard not to smile right now.

"I need to head to my next period… but I'll see you after?" she asks.

"You know it" I say. She nods then skips off.

…. ….. …. ….. ….. …. …. ….. … … … ….. … …

"Tori?" I hear an obnoxious voice call as I'm about to head to lunch.

"Yes Robbie?" I say annoyed. He actually looks a bit worried.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure" I say. Hey Robbie, guess what, I had sex with Cat. Suck. On. That.

"I just… I wanted to apologize." He says looking at the ground.

"For what?" I ask confused.

"For how I acted when you brought up your concerns about Cat. I was… well I was being an ass. You were right, Cat needs someone to love her and I do love her, so now I'm doing my best to show her." He says.

Ouch.

"I know this is awkward but… I know she's mentioned us going all the way to you and she really trusts you so, tell her that I don't want to push her. It's the one way I can really show her how I feel but I can wait. She's worth it. And I know if she hears that from you she'll trust it." He finishes.

He loves her and even I can believe it. The look he has in his eyes right now is the same look I get when I'm around her. How could I do this to him? Why couldn't he have told me this yesterday?

This entire time I've been seeing him as the bad guy. I blamed him for every tear that fell from Cat's eyes. Granted at times he was the bad guy but, there are two sides to every story. He loves her. He admits that I'm right and that he loves her. He loves her and is supposed to have this amazing intimate moment with her that he can't have. He can't have it because I had it.

Why is this hitting me now? Why can't it hold off for at least another day?

I can say I slept with Cat all I want and feel great about it, but as soon as I give her a title that feeling changes. She's not just Cat, she's Robbie's girlfriend and I took her innocence...

"Yeah, it's ok. And I'll tell her." I say quietly.

"Thanks Tori, I knew I could count on you." He says then walks off.

Count on me? That's the last thing he should do. He can't count on me now. Not after this.

… …. ….. …. … ….. … … ….. …. … ….. …. ….. …

What now? I have no idea. I know I'm gonna have to talk to Cat about what happened. And with every bit of regret I have I'll have to tell her it was a mistake. That could easily shatter her and I don't know any other way to put it. It was what it was. I close my locker and get ready to head to Trina's Car. She stayed late today for some sort of vocal training, like it would help, so I've been stuck here in the empty halls of the east wing since school ended.

"Tori?"

My head snaps to the direction I heard my name from and I see Cat... just barely holding it together. I have no idea what's wrong with her but her eyes are full of tears and her fists are clenched. I would ask what's wrong but I think I know what's wrong now. It's literally in her eyes, just like the day she beat the heck out of Jade. I should be scared because it's directed towards me, but I'm not scared. It's more to me then at me. You wanna know what else I see in her eyes?

Fear.

Another storm is rolling in and she's afraid she won't make it. She needs something to hold on to. Something to keep her head above water. And that's me, not Robbie, _me_.

I don't ask questions, I don't hesitate. I simply walk over to her and take her into my arms.

"T-tell me not to do it" she forces out.

"Cat," I say pulling back to look at her "Don't do it ok?"

"Why?" she whispers.

"Because you're better than them. All of them. And they know that." I say.

"You said I was pretty right?" she asks starting to come back from her almost meltdown. I swear to god If Robbie said anything...

"Yeah, you're beautiful" I say

"Kelsey Peterson, said that I wasn't. She said I was ugly and that no one would want me. I offered to help her pick up her books but... then everyone just laughed" she says.

"Did Robbie stop her or…" I trail off.

"He… he didn't do anything" She says looking down. That stupid son of a bitch. Is this really how he shows her he loves her? Lets her be publically humiliated and called things that are so far beyond untrue? What kind of boyfriend stands by and watches his girl hurt? And you know what? I take it back. Taking Cat's virginity wasn't a mistake. It's probably the only thing that's gone right in their relationship. What remorse? What guilt? I regret **nothing**. And as far as I'm concerned, Robbie can suck it.

You know if I was there I would've said something. I would've stopped it. Kelsey Peterson, that would be the school bitch. If you asked anyone they would say she was easily the prettiest girl in the school.

But I'm not anyone.

"Cat, she has nothing on you" I say softly.

At that more tears spring to hers eyes and easily start rolling down her cheeks. It doesn't take long for her to bury her head in my chest and let the rest of her tears out.

How normal is this? Cat's here crying over something that maybe even I would've cried over. So I guess the question is, how is this _not_ normal? Everyone goes through this so why is it different for her?

Me. Maybe I'm what's different for her. She's never had someone to cry to. She's never had someone to lean on. Even her boyfriend, as much as he says he loves her, can't do what I'm doing for her. Maybe that's why she's acted out so dramatically in the past. It's a heavy burden when you have to battle every emotion by yourself. Even I vent to someone every once in a while. But some people don't have that. That little factor of having someone to talk to can completely change the way an entire community views you.

There are so many like her. So many like Cat who have nowhere to put that emotion, no one to listen. It makes me want to listen to everyone, just so they can have one day at emotional ease. Maybe even peace.

If I hadn't of listened to Cat, Kelsey would probably have a hole where her face used to be. Everyone would've thought that Cat had gone completely mad and was dangerous. In the past five minutes we just avoided weeks of God knows what. That's all, five minutes.

I understand that. Sometimes we just need someone, and other times we're just needed.

"And I want you Cat, I want you"

…**. …. …. …. ….. … …. …. … … …. ….. ….. ….. ….. ….**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter there for you.**

**I meant to update on Thursday but I got slammed with assignments and weekend plans. Tis why I am updating at 3:00 a.m. It's been quite a week. But on the bright side I'm taking classes over the weekend to become the most hated person in any sport. Yes, I'm talking about the referee. But hey, they make bank.**

**I'm also exited to comment on how happy I am that my inspiration returned for this story. I'm not sure where it went but I'm glad it's back. I missed it and I have all of you to thank for helping me keep this thing alive. I still have no idea of where we're going, but hey, as long as we're going together, I'm in.**

**With that being said, I want to give out a fatty THANK YOU to all of you who reviewed. I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. I really liked it myself, probably my favorite so far.**

**As for my shout-outs:**

**Sami Jo: Haha your enthusiasm is appreciated! See what I did there? I'm starting to favor you.**

**Crazier: It's great hearing that from you. You've been on the **_**S.S. A.Y.P.**_**(yes, I just named my boat)**__**for quite a while now so I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. Also, ultimate happy dance for the 10****th**** chapter!**

**Sin-Of-Virtue: It's ok, all of us on this vessel are perving over some sort of tension in this story. And hang onto her, she's a keeper. **

**AriaSpirit: You my friend, flatter me. **

**Lovescookies: Glad to have you on board. I do my best.**

**James888: Say it loud and say it proud brother. **

**Welcome aboard to all my new readers.**

**Alright loves, the next one is already done. Review, inspire, and oh yes, spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	11. But I'm not that lucky

There it is. That annoying brightness in my eyes signaling its morning. Or well, somewhere near there. I always let the sun wake me up on Saturdays. It's nice to let the alarm clock have a day where I don't smash it.

Huh… I've never really found myself as a cuddly person but I seem to be spooning someone like my life depends on it. Yes, I went to bed **alone** last night. I'm not freaking out because I have a pretty good idea of who it is. I already have my body pressed firmly to her back and an arm around her, knowing who it is just makes me want to cuddle closer. Yes of course it's Cat. If it's not then I'm screaming rape, but I'm 99.99% sure it's her.

Yesterday was pretty crazy. Seeing her on the brink of falling apart, having her come to me to make it stop. It was actually a pretty amazing thing as well. I feel like it brought us closer. After I got done holding her I made sure she had a real smile on her face. Yes, I pulled out a piece of bubble gum I was saving for later, but it worked didn't it? That is, until Robbie came and took her away from me. That stupid idiot. He might as well have laughed at her too. I can't believe I actually felt sorry for him.

I open my eyes and see red. Literally. Lots of red. I smile knowing that hair anywhere. I lean up and look down at Cat's sleeping face. She's so peaceful. It's now that I notice that her fingers are laced with mine. Can she get any more adorable?

I slowly pull my fingers away from hers and get out of bed. I stretch and yawn as a few healthy pops come from my back. As much as I want to stay in bed with her, I think her waking up to breakfast would be better. I make my way down the stairs to see Trina walking out of the kitchen.

"Morning" I say.

"Morning, hey have you seen my cell phone?"

"You're on it" I say slowly.

"Oh… that explains why I can't find it" She says taking it away from her ear, hanging up on someone on the process. I shrug and walk past Trina when I hear her say,

"You know, at first I thought it was weird and kind of gross but now I think I'm ok with it."

"Ok with what?" I ask almost into the kitchen.

"You and Cat dating." I immediately stop where I am and turn around to face Trina with my signature 'WTF' face.

"What? Trina, Cat and I are _not_ dating."

"You aren't?"

"No, she's dating Robbie" I say, my voice growling a bit at his name.

"Are you serious?" She asks.

"Yeah she has been for a few months now. Besides we're just friends." I say turning back to the kitchen.

"Just friends? Pretty sure what I heard two nights ago was not "just friends""

Tell me I didn't just hear what I think I just heard. I turn around so fast I may as well have started a tornado.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice wavering.

"I'm talking about you and Cat going at it like banshees. And from what I heard, you could of done better" She says scowling at me. Hold on a minute, I totally satisfied Cat. Trina can't judge me just because of that one time- WHY AM I DEBATING THIS?

"Y-you heard…" I trail off. I must say, my voice has gotten a lot higher since the beginning of this conversation.

"Yep"

"I…but- you… you weren't home! Mom and dad said they were going to your audition in Redding." I try to reason.

"Tori, what is there in Redding? Nothing. Why would I waste my talent there? Mom and dad went to **Tina's** **Auction **in Redding**.** It's some annual thing old people go to. _I _was in my room taking pictures for my portfolio." She says with a smirk.

Oh. My. God. Trina was home when Cat and I… she heard… she… and…

"You heard everything?" I ask quietly.

"Everything. Hard to believe my baby sister's growing up. And I mean, you didn't do terrible, she still said your name a few times." She says patting my head. SHE HEARD THAT? Granted Cat was kind of loud, so was I, but I figured we could be because we were alone. Why couldn't I have actually listened to what my parents said? Why couldn't I have gotten Cat to hold off another night? This is Trina we're talking about here!

"Are you gonna tell anyone?"

"Tori, as sisters, most of the time we're supposed to rat each other out on things. But as sister code states, there are exceptions" she says with a slight smile. Oh thank God. I really thought she was gonna tell people. This is probably the nicest thing she's ever done for me. Seriously.

"I can't believe…" I trail off dropping my face into my hands.

"Rookie mistake, it happens to the best of us" She says looking at her phone. She almost looks bored. That's good, I think.

"But really you need to work on it, you could've done so much better" She finishes.

"Trina, so help me, if you make one more comment-"

"What? I'm just looking out for Cat" She says cutting me off.

"Looking out for me about what?" We hear from the stairs. We both look over to see Cat making her way into the living room.

"Nothing. She's doing nothing" I say glaring at Trina. She'd better not…

"Looking out for you and your future sex with my sister" She says smiling at me.

"Trina!"

"What?"

"You told her?" Cat interjects.

"What? No! She was here when it happened!" I yell.

"She was what?"

"Yeah, I was here. Personally I think Tori could've done-"

"Trina I swear to God, if you don't-"

"Stop it! Just… stop" Cat says shutting us up. I glare holes through Trina's face and she simply shrugs. "You're not gonna tell anyone are you?" Cat asks Trina.

"Luckily enough for you, I'm not that evil." Trina says. Cat lets out a sigh of relief and I let out one of frustration. "So… aren't you dating Robbie?" Trina asks Cat. I swear if she so much as…

"Uh… yeah" Cat hesitates.

"Huh, never thought you had it in you Tori. I think… I think I'm almost proud of you" She says gawking at the words that just came out of her mouth.

"No, Trina it's not like that. Tori and I are just friends. It's… it's just hard to explain" Cat says.

"So you didn't cheat on Robbie?" Trina asks slightly… disappointed? What a jerk.

"Trina, drop it" I say noticing Cat's guilty expression. This is exactly what we're trying to avoid. The regret and guilt of what happened. We just want to be happy about it and move on. But as long as Trina keeps talking about it, that's not gonna happen.

Trina opens her mouth to argue with me but I shoot her a killer glare and she closes it. She simply huffs then walks out of the living room. That's probably the only things she'll do right today.

"You ok?" I ask Cat.

"I am" She nods.

"Feeling guilty?"

"Not about what happened. Just that we got caught" She says looking up at me. I guess that's better than regretting the act right? I don't know what I'd do if she did. I mean, I can't just give it back.

"I should go" She says with a sigh.

"You don't have to"

"I know, I just should." She says.

Then, she's gone. Just like that, again. I hate this feeling. It's twice she's left abruptly with no liable excuse, leaving me here, wondering what I did or didn't do. I hate it.

….. ….. ….. …. … ….. …. … … … … … …

I find it funny how many of my thoughts include Cat.

Really, I don't think I've gone five minutes today without thinking about her. I guess it's a good thing though right? She makes me happy. And from what I know, I make her happy too. I mean, granted if you draw eyes on an eggshell she's happy but I'm talking about just happy in general.

I feel like I should be in love with her. I _feel_ like I should love her like Robbie never will. But I don't. I love her, but I'm not _in_ love with her. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I have every reason to love her, I mean, she's perfect, but I just don't. Don't get me wrong, I care for her deeply, I just don't feel the way I think I should. When I said I wanted her, I do want her. I'm just not sure how I want her. This is way too deep for a Saturday. Especially for a shower on Saturday.

I do my best thinking in the shower. I still haven't decided if that's weird or not. Cat would probably think it was normal but I'm not sure anyone else would. Oh well.

I turn off the water then get out of the shower only to find that once again, I forgot a towel. And clothes. It's a Saturday tradition I swear. Well… no point in calling Trina for it.

I open the bathroom door and stick my head out, check the hall, and walk quickly to my room. Once I get inside, I shut the door and just as I turn around I see… Cat sitting on my bed. I swear in that split second her pupils completely dilate and her eyes rake over my body. Yup, my **naked** body… in broad daylight… TORI MOVE!

I jump and glance around the area for something-_anything_ to cover myself up with. But I'm not that lucky. I can't find anything, so I settle with hunching over making the best use of my arms, kind of like when Trina walked in on me in the shower.

"Cat…" I say completely caught off guard "What are you doing here?" I barely get out.

"Well I was gonna go home, but then I saw a grasshopper and it hopped back in this direction so I figured it wanted me to come back too so I did but when I got here you were in the shower so then I was waiting and now here you are…" She trails off, her eyes barely able to stay on mine. I should be flattered right?

"Ah…" I say awkwardly. I take a few steps towards my dresser but stop midway there. This is ridicules. "Can you hand me that robe?" I say nodding at my dresser. Cat nods and rushes to over to grab it. I straighten up a bit and take a step closer to her but life hates me so when I take that step, due to being wet, I slip and as I'm falling grab the only thing that could possibly support me. Yes the robe Cat's holding. This causes me to pull her down with me, no, not just with me, **on top** of me.

She lands flush against me and somehow my robe ended up nowhere between us. She quickly pushes herself up a little but stops when her eyes meet mine. This is… this is… really nice. She doesn't seem to mind to much either. Her mouth is just barely open but I can see her running her tongue over the back of her teeth. Why is that so appealing to me right now?

I feel weird. Weird like… I really, _really_ want to flip us over and make her mine… again.

I don't know why I have this impulsive feeling to do so. I don't know much of anything right now, but what I do know, is how bad I want it. Her breathing has gotten quite a bit heavier too, guess I'm not the only one who's feeling it. If anything I thought that we'd maybe continue…

But I'm not that lucky.

I hear my doorknob click then my door opens. Dear god I hate my life.

"Hey Tori I lost my phone agaaaa- ohhh…" Trina trails off, eyes wide, jaw on the floor.

… …**. …. … …. …. …. …. … … ….. … …**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. Sorry for the wait, I wouldn't allow an update till I had the title picked. Which, speaking of, Undisclosed Desires is the official title. Now this I'm finally at peace with. **

**As for the chapter, sorry. I know we literally went nowhere and did nothing, but I already had two thousand words here so I decided to make a chapter of it. Just think of it as a really long intro to the next chapter. That's where the action is. **

**As for my shout outs:**

**Sin-Of-Virtue: If you do end up killing Robbie, I suggest making it slow. Haha.**

** eyes134: Good, I'm glad you can relate. I think it's safe to say we all can but sometimes we are so focused on our own version of that feeling, we forget that others have it too. You're not alone sister.**

**Jamsaner: I am very honored to hear er… read you say that. Thanks for giving this one a chance.**

**SuperGravyMan: You're review made me smile. Things like that are my motivation. **

**Sami Jo: Another chapter to make up for the false hope. And thanks for understanding about the title change.**

**Darkkidz28: Thanks for taking the time to review mine. It means a lot.**

**Alright loves, that's all for today. The next chapter however, is already written. Review, motivate, inspire, and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	12. The Undertow

Out of anyone on this entire planet, this _would_ happen to me.

I'm currently debating on if I should act like Cat and I were doing something or hitting Trina over the head with something heavy so she forgets this. I really favor the latter but I'm pretty sure that would end badly. Plus… maybe if I act like we were doing something it'll lead to us doing something. I mean, I'm already naked- WHAT AM I SAYING?

"Just friends?" Trina asks arching an eyebrow. Cat and I look at each other than back to Trina.

"It's really not what it looks like" I say.

"Riiiight, well I'm gonna go look for my cell phone, by all means continue" She says then leaves.

"Should you tell her it's in her hand?"

"Nah she'll see it eventually." I say. Cat and I lay in a slightly awkward silence for another minute or two before I decide to break it, "I'm sorry about her. You know how she can be"

"Yeah I know, it's fine."

"And I'm sorry that she knows…" I trail off.

"Yeah… it's not your fault. We didn't know she was home."

"I know, I'm just sorry she kind of killed your special moment."

"She didn't. It was still special Tori. The whole world could've been watching and it would still have been special." she says looking into my eyes.

"How so?" I ask.

"Because it was with you" she says simply.

I wish I could do that. I wish I could do what she does to me. I wish I could make her feel the way she makes me feel. She makes me feel like the center of the universe and it makes me wonder...

Do I do to her what she does to me?

Maybe I haven't been thinking about this the right way. I haven't been asking questions. Like why does she do the things she does to me? Why does she purposefully make me feel this way? Why does she make me feel like the universe is centered around me?

"And it was special for you too" she continues. "It was the both of us trusting each other"

"Yeah, you're right. And for what it's worth... I'm uh, I'm glad it was with you." I say. She gives a smile small to that.

"And I mean she didn't hear _everything_ right?" Cat asks. Ok Tori, it's time for you to lie to Cat and tell her Trina heard very little. Why? Because it'll make her feel better and it'll make her feel safe.

"Every breath" I say. Tori you absolute idiot.

"Oh…" Cat trails off. "Everything?" She repeats. Tori, if you so much as-

"Everything" I confirm. I hate you.

"Perfect" Cat says, her cheeks tinting pink. Awww, she's embarrassed. How adorable. I smirk at that then shiver a bit.

Oh yeah…

"Uh Cat, I'm still naked" I say causing her cheeks to burn a brighter pink.

"Oh, right" Cat says getting up. She averts her eyes away from me and suddenly finds my bed interesting. Well it is an interesting place. I'd like to show her just how interesting- Tori just get dressed.

I get up and grab a few clothes from my closet and dresser, then begin putting them on. I'm actually completely dry now. Well… in most places-Jesus Tori, where is your head today? It's just wrapped around Cat… better yet Cat should be wrapped around it…

Dear god this is gonna be a long day.

… …. ….. … ….. ….. ….. …. ….. …. … …

I hate Mondays. Then again who doesn't? But I especially hate Mondays because it's another day I have to see Robbie and Cat as a couple. Did I mention I hate him? Well I do.

We're all sitting in a row in the theatre for some class I could care less about. I'm actually pretty anxious Why you ask? Because Cat's not here. I feel like I can't focus unless she's ok. She's late for some reason which worries me. She's **never** late. I'm also unfortunate enough to be sitting next to Robbie. I'm seriously contemplating asking Jade to knock me unconscious for the next hour.

I hate this. I know I say it all the time but I do. I hate seeing him and seeing him with Cat makes it all the more worse. In my mind, every moment she's not with me is a moment with him. Whenever she walks away it's like someone takes the light out of my life. With her I'm exploring the ocean but without her I'm drowning in it. It's like my heart gains two hundred pounds and is trying to drag me to the bottom. It feels like…

The undertow.

Before I turn to Jade I see a flash of red out of the corner of my eye. My heart picks up a few beats and a smile makes its way to my lips. Robbie and I turn our heads to see Cat sneaking in through the doors while the teachers back is turned. She quickly makes it to our row and notices there isn't an available seat. Noticing this, Robbie sits up straighter and a smug smirk appears on his face. He expects her to sit in his lap but just another thing I love about Cat, she only measures up to **her** expectations.

She doesn't even glance at Robbie as she sidles past him and plants herself right into **my **lap. His smirk instantly drops and mine forms. Cat leans back into me and I wrap my arms around her waist. Yeah, I'm basically flaunting this right in front of him but hey, if he was being the boyfriend he supposed to be, she would be in his lap right now. So yeah, I'm gonna milk the hell out of this moment and smash his face into it.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Beck smirking at me. I send a wink his way then rest my chin on Cat's shoulder. I don't think I want Jade to knock me out anymore.

… …. … …. ….. …. …. … ….. … … … …..

I really expected this day to suck, but Cat's been around a lot today, so you know it was impossible. Today was actually an improvement. Cat told a few of her random stories and Beck, Andre, and I were actually able to understand and laugh at them. Who would've thought right? I really am having an effect on her.

We're just about to head back into the school actually. We had a long lunch due to Sikowits setting his stage on fire. Cat and Robbie left about mid way through. Apparently he needs to talk to her about something. Let's hope he doesn't make a mess I have to clean up.

"So, you told her?" Beck says snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Nope"

"Then what was that earlier in the theatre?"

"That would be me being better than Robbie" I say with a cocky smile.

"So you basically haven't gotten anywhere."

"I wouldn't say that exactly."

"Then what would you say?" He asks. Well Beck I would say I've gotten _much_ farther than Robbie has.

"I would say I've gotten where I need to be" Well played Tori. Beck laughs lightly then quickly walks off after seeing Jade's glare.

I laugh at that then proceed to throw away my empty water bottle. Just as I'm about to head back inside see Cat walking over to me with an unsettling look on her face. She's walking rather quickly too. What did Robbie do this time? I swear he can never get it right.

Cat doesn't say anything, she just grabs a hold of my hand and drags me back the direction she came. Of course my first thought is that she finally snapped and wants to tear me in half behind a dumpster, but then I see Robbie in a semi secluded part of the parking lot. I guess that's a relief.

"Cat I don't see why Tori has to be here, just answer the question" Robbie says annoyed.

"No" Cat says. I am so confused.

"No you won't answer the question or no you're-"

"No, I'm not a virgin" Cat says cutting him off. Jesus what the hell did she drag me into? She's not gonna tell him it was me is she? God I hope not.

"You're… you aren't? Why? I thought you said you were waiting?" He says completely surprised. Hey man I was surprised too, she may look all cute and innocent, but she is quite skilled in bed. Why did I have to think that?

"We'll I didn't wait" She says simply.

"Cat, I thought we were supposed to do this together. This was supposed to be me and you. How could you do something so stupid?" He says clearly upset. Robbie you idiot…

I quickly look at Cat to read her expression. He referred her to the word stupid and that's one of her biggest triggers. She looks calm though. Her eyes shut, she takes a deep breath, and squeezes my hand before opening them.

"I don't regret it" She says calmly.

"Well you should! It was supposed to be special Cat, between you and I."

"It was special" She says without a doubt. I take pride in that right there.

"How? How was it special if it wasn't with your boyfriend? Who was it even with?" He asks. I swallow hard at that.

"It was with someone I trust"

"Cat, I'm your **boyfriend**" He says again. By now we've started to draw a crowd. This is really starting to piss me off.

Cat doesn't even seem to hear him. She seems to be looking through him actually. Ah, a butterfly. Right behind Robbie's fat head. Robbie notices her lack of attention and turns to see what she's looking at.

"Ah, perfect example." He says pointing to the butterfly. "Cat you just don't understand, you can't be a butterfly and just do whatever you want. You have other things to focus on. Other priorities like your boyfriend. If anything you're a lady bug." He finishes. That hit one nerve too many. Not for her, for me.

_**Flashback**_

"_It must be great" She says keeping her eyes focused on the butterfly._

"_What's great?"_

"_Being free like that. Free to spread your wings no matter how little they are. Just being a butterfly. No one telling you to be a ladybug. Because that's not what you are, you're a butterfly."_

_**End Flashback**_

I'm about to step forward and tear his face off when I feel Cat squeeze my hand, signaling me not to. I don't know why. She should let me kick his scrawny ass. Granted I've never fought someone in my entire life, but I would take on a bulldozer for her.

"You wouldn't know" Cat says.

"I wouldn't know? Cat I'm your-"

"You have a funny way of showing it" She says cutting him off. At this you hear a few "Ohh's" from the crowd. Even I'm surprised. Who would've thought that Cat would stand up to someone? Especially her boyfriend. She usually a push over, also why I feel she's with Robbie.

"I know what I'm doing. Come on Cat out of anyone here I'm the only one who's even close to knowing. If you honestly think it's not me then who?"

"Tori. She knows. She gets it." She says looking back at me. Robbie's glare turns to me for a brief moment then to the small crowd of students.

"Look, we'll talk about this later" He says sternly. He storms off after that and I can physically see Cat relax. A couple of the students seem pretty shocked at what they just saw from Cat, and a few others are talking about what a good job she did. I agree. She did do a good job. I'm not sure why she wanted me here for it, but I'm glad I got to see it. Now we know Cat's not something you can push around. It's a big step for her.

A big step in a better direction.

… … …. … … …. …. …. ….. … …. …. …

We didn't see Robbie the rest of the day. I was definitely ok with that as you could imagine. The rest of our day mostly consisted of Cat's standing up to Robbie spreading around the school. Everyone we passed either high-fived Cat or just stared in awe that little innocent Cat actually did something. I'm still surprised.

And on the even brighter side of today, she's been glued to my side all day. Always wrapped around my arm, playing with my fingers, or her head is on my shoulder. I absolutely love it.

We're at my house now. At first I was confused when Cat followed me home, but you remember what I said about that.

Right now we're laying on the couch watching America's Next Top model. Yes, I said laying. I'm on my back and Cat is laying right on top of me, head on my chest. My arm is resting around her back and this is officially the best day of my life. She's actually incredibly calm right now. It's nice.

"Tori?" Cat says looking up at me.

"Yeah?" I look down at her.

"I love you" she says. If it could, my heart would tear itself out of my chest and give itself to her. As if her big brown eyes didn't do it enough.

"I love you too Cat" I say with a small smile. "Why the random heartfelt moment?" I finish.

"Today was a good day" she says.

"Yeah, it was. I think everyone has a new respect for you now."

"And that's why" she says simply.

"That's why what?"

"The heartfelt moment. I've never stood up to anyone before and today I did. Everyone thinks I'm great for that. Don't get me wrong, it's an amazing feeling… but, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you." She says.

"Cat, that was all you. I don't see how I had anything to do with it."

"You had everything to do with it. Everyone sees how big and strong I am, but it's only because you're holding me up. You're like… my anchor and my lifesaver all in one. With you I always have something to hold on to, or something to hold on to me." She says quietly.

"Wow…" I whisper. That's what I am to her? That's honestly how she sees me? I'm her rock. I'm what's keeping her sane. I'm what she takes comfort in. I'm… what she needs. You remember this is Cat we're talking to. The girl who's about as deep as pie dish.

Everyone's wrong. We were all wrong. We misjudged her profusely. She is so much more than what we thought. There's always more. There's always more to people but sometimes we don't look hard enough to see it. Maybe we're just lazy, maybe we're just arrogant. It's not hard to figure this out, so why doesn't anyone else see it? What is wrong with people? People are to blame. Everyone. Even me. I never saw it till now. There's always more.

"I don't like being with Robbie" Cat says sitting up. I sit up with her and run that sentence through my head again.

"You don't… why?" I ask. I don't want to get my hopes up just yet.

"Being with him is hard. It's like he pulls me every which of ways till I don't know which way is up. And that's the problem, he just pulls me down. It's like…" She trails off.

"Like what?" I ask.

"The undertow"

…**.. …. ….. … …. ….. …. … ….. … … … … ….**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter for you. This one was done a while ago but due to some spring break plans I haven't been able to update till today. I'd say this one makes up for the lack of anything happening in the last chapter. This one had to be semi special because 12 is my favorite number. Couldn't zero in on all the awesomeness I wanted but I hope you enjoyed it.**

**I don't have much of an author's note, I got like 2 hours of sleep last night, so how I'm even still functioning right now is beyond me.**

**On to my shout-outs:**

**xWannabe-Novelistx: I guess you somewhat got your wish. **

**SuperGravyMan: Very poetic. I like you. **

**Sami Jo: Thank you for pointing those out. I need all the help I can get. And I completely agree with your review.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this one. Review, motivate, and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	13. I Definitely Know

"I have to go" Cat says.

"Go? Why? Because you're afraid to leave him?" I retort.

"You know that's not why. I just can't be with you. It's just… complicated"

"No, it's not complicated, it's easy. Look… just one kiss. Let me kiss you just once and if you can honestly look me in the eye and say you felt nothing, then I swear to god you'll never see me again." I practically beg.

"Ok" she says quietly after a moment.

I lean in and press my lips to hers. Now this, this is _very_ nice. Her lips are just like I remembered them. This is actually a pretty ironic play we're rehearsing. It's pretty much Cat and I's real situation… only I'm not a 34 year old bartender from Nevada.

I start to pull back from our short kiss to finish the scene when Cat's arms slide around my neck. Well I'm definitely not gonna stop that. Cat's mouth opens a bit and I take advantage of that by sliding my tongue into her mouth. She lets out a soft moan I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear and pulls me closer. I feel my way with my leg to the couch (which was only about a foot away) and shuffle us over to it. I feel we should at least be sitting rather than standing in my living room making out. This was actually supposed to be a three second kiss between the characters, but hey, I am definitely not complaining.

Cat basically drops onto the couch and pulls me down on top of her. Her skin is smoldering an- skin… when did my hands go up her shirt? You'd think I'd remember something like that. Huh… then again… you'd think I'd really remember this not being her shirt, but her **skirt**. God her thighs are amazing.

Wait… ten seconds ago we were rehearsing lines… now we're on the couch in my living room making out and my hands are up her skirt. I mean… this is crazy… I don't even…

Maybe that's my problem. Just stop thinking Tori, just feel. Alright, feel… well I am definitely feeling her hands raking over my chest. That's nice. Yeah… that's nice, so forget your reasoning and just feel…

You wanna know what I feel now? My heart smashing into my throat at the sound of the front door swinging open. Why. Effing WHY? This would happen to me, again.

Cat immediately sits up and launches me off of her. My back meets the hard wood (that's what she said) and I quickly sit up and… dear god it's my parents. Both of them. Looking right at me.

"Cat… could you give us a moment" My dad says. Cat nods, counts to seven, then cautiously makes her way up to my room. When we hear the door shut I scramble onto my feet and think of any explanation possible.

"It's not what you think! It was for a play and… uh… we were rehearsing?" I barely get out.

"Rehearsing?" My dad asks, totally not believing it.

"We've noticed you being around Cat a lot more but… we didn't know that _that_ was why." My mom says mostly to herself.

"No mom, that's not why" It's totally why.

"Then what was that?"

"Rehearsing" My attempt at taking Cat on the couch.

"Tori, I think we need to talk" My dad says closing the door. Perfect. God knows what they're going to say. They might hate me, they might be cool with it, who knows? They've probably never had to think about this before. My parents sit on the couch and pat the spot between them. Well this is awkward.

"First off we're not mad. Granted we expected this to be Trina but we aren't mad" My dad says after I sit.

"We're happy you're discovering more of who you are" My mom cuts in. Yeah, that's my mom, always thinking of the positive in awkward moments.

"But I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that by what we just saw, maybe you're discovering yourself a little too fast. I don't exactly want to have to give the sex talk to my 17 year old daughter." My dad finishes. It's ok dad, you won't have to, Cat and I are already way past that.

"Ok" I say hesitantly.

"Uh, ok good." My dad says raising his eye brows at the simplicity. I guess Trina was a bit harder to talk to.

"And, I think your father will agree when I say that I think you need to lay off of Cat for a little while" My mom says. Lay off of Cat? If anything I want to lay on her... jeez maybe they're right.

"Ok" I say again.

"Good… so… pizza" My dad says hopping up and heading into the kitchen. My mom doesn't hesitate to follow him. My parents are so strange but hey, at least they aren't mad.

…. … … ….. …. …. … …. …. … … …. ….. ….

"Are you in trouble?" Cat asks as I close my room door.

"No. They just, think we should kind back off of each other for a while." I say. At that Cat gets this look. It looks like a mixture between her being confused and just being slapped.

"I-I don't wanna be away from you" She says quietly.

"Then I'm not going anywhere" Simple as that. I didn't even have to think about my response, it just came out.

"Good" She says with a small smile.

"Right. So… what happened back there?" I ask. Why am I asking her? Because she initiated it. She's the one with a boyfriend (manipulative douche bag) and yet she still made out with me. It may have even gone further if my parents hadn't of walked in.

"Oh… um, I don't know. Just got carried away I guess." She says looking at the floor.

"Right, well maybe we should at least lay off the kissing scenes from now on. Don't want it to go too far." Well that left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Oh yeah, I get it. It's been going that far for Robbie and I lately if you know what I mean" Cat says.

Yes Cat, I know exactly what you mean and I really, really wish I didn't. Granted it was bound to happen between them. As much as I hate to admit it, the only reason Cat and I "did it" was so that she and Robbie could. Yes, I just said "did it". I don't know, saying 'Cat and I had sex' just sounds so wrong to me. She's just so… innocent. You have to know that it still ticks me off though. It's such a double standard but it's like with me, she's still innocent little Cat. When she's with Robbie I feel like he's robbing her of it. It's hard to explain…

"Oh… how is that going by the way?" I ask.

"It's better. He apologized for what happened in the parking lot at school last week. So we made up and… yeah"

"Right… well, are you guys "being safe"?" I might as well make sure they're using protection. If Cat ever got pregnant, God forbid by Robbie, I would absolutely tear his head off.

"Uh… I guess" she says.

"You guess? What do you mean you guess? Cat, you're being safe right?" I say a little more direct.

"Well I mean… you're always at risk anyway right?"

"Cat! You're not using protection?" I shriek. Oh my god… oh my god…

"Well I didn't think we needed it _all_ the time!" Cat says panicking.

"Cat, you need it _every_ time!" I say jumping up. Dear god what if she's… oh god.

"Well we don't!" Cat says jumping up and gesturing to me and her.

"Cat, we're girls, of course we didn't need it! We _never_ need it!" I say pacing.

"I'm sorry I thought the same rules applied… if I had known that then I would've made sure we always had a fire extinguisher, flashlight, and water with us at all times."

"What?" I say monotone, stopping my pacing.

"I always know to be prepared for a disaster, but I had no idea there were different rules for boys and girls. What am I gonna do? What if Robbie gets set on fire" She says almost hyperventilating.

"Cat, I'm talking about protection!" I yell.

"So am I!"

"I'm talking about condoms!"

"So am- wait what?" she asks completely confused.

"Are you and Robbie having sex?"

"What? No!" she says like it's a sin.

"Then why did you say 'It's been going that far for Robbie and I lately if you know what I mean'?" I say repeating what she said.

"I don't know that's why I asked you" she says. Oh thank god.

"Jeez Cat, give me a heart attack." I say falling back against my bed. Now I know what causes heavy drinking.

"Sorry, I thought if anyone could figure out what I meant, it would be you" She says laying down… right on top of me. Why did she have to do that? Granted I've already felt every curve of her naked body once and I've definitely thought about it way more than once, but even now through her clothes, it makes me wanna do things I shouldn't.

"W-well it's all figured out… now" I stutter. Way to not be obvious Victoria.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm… perfect"

"Are you sure? Are you happy?" She asks.

"Yeah I'm all the above. Perfect, peachy, dandy, horn-happy" Nice cover you absolute idiot.

"Good. I like it when you're happy. It's like when you're happy, I'm happy ya know?" She asks resting her head on my chest. Cat, just seeing you smile makes my day. Just being around you causes me to be happy. When you aren't smiling my heart aches knowing that you should be. You deserve to be. When you hurt, I hurt. When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're upset, I promise I will do everything in my power to make it better. And when you're angry, tell me at what so I can hate it too.

So yeah Cat, I **definitely** know.

… ….. ….. …. ….. … … …. …. ….. ….. … …

"I'm surprised to this day that I'm even aloud back" Cat says finishing one of her stories. Our little group laughs and that puts a smile on her face. See what I mean? People understand her now.

Cat laughs along with us and throws an arm over my shoulder. I see Robbie stiffen up a bit and Beck wink at me. Life is so good right now.

"Cat, can I talk to you for a moment?" Robbie asks. It wasn't much of a question considering he dragged her off before she even answered him. Oh well, I'm sure Cat will tell me about it later. I turn back to Jade, Andre, and Beck who are eyeing me suspiciously.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. That was just really… normal" Andre comments.

"Believe me Andre, I know. I'm a miracle worker." I say as I head off toward my locker. Heck even I'm still surprised that Cat's being as normal as she is. You see what a little invested time does? If you had told me a few months back that _this_ would be Cat, I would've laughed and said you were crazier than she was.

Just as I hear the warning bell I see Cat walk around the corner looking incredibly pale.

"Cat?" I ask cautiously. I look down to see her hand red and starting to swell. Oh no.

"Cat what happened?" I ask as she reaches me. She looks like she's in shock.

"I… I didn't mean… I didn't mean to hit him that hard" She says as tears start rolling down her cheeks.

"Hit who?"

"Robbie" she whispers. I'm actually ok with that. She could have hit him harder actually-no, Tori, Cat needs you right now. Put your own feeling aside and help her pick up hers.

"Cat, it's ok. Just tell me where he is" I say. She glances in the direction she came as more tears come out. I hold on to her non-swollen hand tightly and walk back the way she came. I turn the corner and am greeted by an unconscious Robbie. He's still breathing which is bittersweet but he has a pretty nice bruise making up the entire left side of his face. Wow… and she only hit him once? I'm actually pretty impressed. Nice shot Cat.

I hear Cat whimper behind me which causes me to automatically turn around and face her.

"Look Cat, it'll be ok. He's still breathing see?"

"No it's not Tori. He's my boyfriend and I hit him" She sobs out. Is it really that bad? I mean, he had it coming.

"Calm down. I'll fix this ok? Don't worry. Just trust me." I say.

"I do" She sniffles.

"Good. Because I can promise you that everything is gonna be alright. Ok?" I'm trying to speak as calmly and sweetly to her as I can. I definitely don't want to set her off again or have her go into hysterics and have to drag her out of the school.

She nods then buries her head into my chest. I hold her close as she takes a few deep breathes to calm down. I have no idea how I'm gonna fix this. I mean As much as I want to I can't just throw his body down a well. And if a teacher comes and I take the blame, I'll definitely be suspended if not expelled.

But Cat's worth it. She's always worth it.

Cat pulls back a little and I can easily see the storm brewing in her eyes. She is definitely feeling this one.

"I'll fix this" whisper. She nods again then leans up and lightly presses her lips against mine. It's not an 'I want you' kiss, but a more sweet 'thank you' kiss. I live for those. Unfortunately, my living may be cut short. I should really learn to be more vigilant. There about 20 feet behind Cat stands Jade. She easily has a surprised expression. I'm guessing she witnessed all that. Perfect. God only knows what she'll do with this kind of information.

She walks towards us and I prepare for the worst. Cat notices my tension and turns to see Jade as well. She actually almost gets behind me, like I can protect her from all the bad. She has no idea how much I want to.

"Alright, get out of here" Jade says as she makes it over to us.

"What?" I ask confused.

"Go before I change my mind" She says. She can't mean she's gonna take this for us. Jade doesn't cover for people. Well, unless she's covering Beck. Naked. Oh come on, I thought that was funny.

"Jade you don't have to-"

"Just go Vega." Jade says sternly. I nod and start to walk away with Cat before stopping shortly after to look back at Jade.

"Jade" I say. She looks over at me.

"Thanks"

…**.. … …. … ….. … … …. … ….. … …. ….**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter up for you.**

**Ok, this chapter is complete crap. I admit it. It is the definition of filler. But I couldn't move forward unless this was posted. I am so sorry. The next one is much better and makes up for this one though, I promise. Anyway, I love how right in the begging of the chapter, BAM, make-out. **

**On to my shout-outs: **

**Music and Reading Lover: Whoa. That is the first time I've ever seen you say something different and I'm honored. No sarcasm.**

**Sami Jo: Haha, if you were disappointed in the last chapter, you're going to hate this one. And yeah lately I've had some pretty crazy stuff messing with my head. I like that last one though. I like how you push me. That way I have something to push off of.**

**Sin-Of-Virtue: You motivate me. And I'm glad you feel for Tori, as do I. Anyone who makes who you love unhappy should be torn in half, that's just how it goes sometimes.**

**xXLordOfInglipsXx: *sigh* You just get me.**

**shmankingowner44: I am SO honored that you said that. You have no idea.**

**21 reviews. Holy crap you guys are awesome. Seriously, I love you guys. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you all but know that you are all loved. And welcome to all my new readers.**

**Ok, I had a review that kind of irked me. I'm not mentioning names, but I had someone comment about the chapter names not being descriptive enough and being potentially misleading. I wanna address that because I think make it blatantly obvious why EVERY chapter has its name. The chapter name is said in every chapter in the context of which it was intended. Maybe some people just don't hear the rhythm I'm playing, I don't know, but I think I do a pretty good job.**

**Ok sorry for that, it's just been bothering me. But hey, speak up if I'm wrong. **

**Alrighty, that's all for this update. The next one is almost done but till then, review, motivate, and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	14. What are we doing?

She hit him.

Cat hit Robbie. She knocked the guy out cold. I feel good and bad about it. I feel good because he deserved it, I have no idea what he did, but if it upset Cat then he deserved it. I feel bad because Robbie is still a person. He was probably dragged to the nurse's office by a few students who won't ever let him live it down. Not to mention, Jade's taking the blame for it. I still have no idea why she'd do that. I mean, Jade hates me, she's always hated me. Then again she _is_ afraid of Cat, whether she admits it or not.

I managed to steer Cat and I clear of anything that was even close to Robbie the rest of the day. She was already feeling terrible about it and hearing almost every kid at this school talk about "That Goth chick who clocked Robbie" didn't make it any better. She got kind of numbed out about an hour after that though, so I don't think she's feeling much of anything right now.

We're walking through the parking lot at the moment, on the way to my house. Cat's hand is tightly around mine and her eyes are on the ground.

"Vega!" I hear a particularly dark voice yell. Somebody shoot me. In the face. I turn around to see Jade about 15 feet behind us beckoning me over to her slowly.

"Cat I'll be right back, ok?" I say. She nods slowly and lets go of my hand. I swallow hard and make my way over to Jade.

"Hey… buddy" I say hesitantly. She rolls her eyes.

"That was some pretty crazy sh-stuff that was pulled back there" She says.

"I know. And again thanks for covering for us. I know it's not easy being nice to someone you hate… which poses the question of, why?"

"Look I may hate you, but your smfddd….." She mumbles off"

"What?" I ask. Jade clenches her jaw and gets this uncomfortable look on her face.

"I may hate you, but… you're still a good person. For helping Cat and all." She quickly adds on the last part. It takes everything in me not to smile. This is probably the first time she's ever complemented someone before. I'm honored.

"Right so…"

"So, consider this the one nice thing I'll ever do for you."

"Ok, are you gonna tell anyone?" I ask referring to Cat and I's relationship status. I know she saw us kiss and I know that she knows what feelings lay behind it.

"No. If it was going to be anyone then I'm… glad it's you." She says seriously. Wow. Did that really just come out of Jade?

"Uh, thanks Jade. That means a lot."

"That's not why I wanted to talk to you."

"Ok, what is it?" I ask. I'm a little scared of what she's going to say. Jade's like the extreme opposite of Cat. Just as crazy, just as unpredictable.

"Robbie doesn't know what he's doing. I didn't only see you and Cat, I saw Robbie and Cat too. They were arguing over something I couldn't hear but I didn't need to hear anything to get the point."

"Yeah…" I say urging her to continue.

"Well, it started with arguing then it escalated to him grabbing her arms (upper arms). All I could make out from it was "You're hurting me". He shook her and yelled a few times. You know I would've done something but it turns out that Cat has a pretty nice right hook." Jade says smirking at that last comment.

**He did what? **

I want to kill him. I want to push him in front of a bus. Cat is the least of Robbie's worries.

I don't care if this is mild compared to other things in this world. It's not mild to Cat. So don't go belittling something like this because you've been hurt worse or you've seen worse. There's always something worse. I hate when people say that something's not that bad. No, it **is** that bad. This is the most pain that she's ever felt, so yeah, it's equivalent to the wife who gets beaten daily by her husband. The quantity may be different but the quality of the pain stays the same. She's still gonna hurt and have nightmares about this. She's still gonna cry the same way anyone else would. Different situations but the feeling stays the same. I'm not saying to over exaggerate or belittle someone else, I'm saying take into consideration everything around you. Don't act as if you're the only one that's been down this road, don't think you're the last one to go down it, and don't think for a second that even though you're not that far, that it doesn't count. You could be down it a foot or a mile, but regardless of where you are, it still hurts the same.

So why am I ranting about this? Because that was my first thought. I started to think that it could've been worse. That he could've hit her. I started to think that it wasn't that bad. It's not as big as she thinks. No, it's not as bad as_**I**_ think. To her however, this is life changing. So yeah, there's always worse, but who am I to tell her that? Her hurt still counts.

It always counts.

…. ….. … ….. ….. ….. …. … ….. ….. … …..

"How's your hand?" I ask.

"Sore" Cat says. She hasn't said much since we got to my house. I got her some ice and we've been in my room sitting here quietly for about an hour now. She just has this far off look in her eyes. I'm surprised she hasn't- oh wait… there she goes.

It started with on tear and a quivering lip. Then a few more tears followed and now she's crying her eyes out into my chest. I swear all Robbie knows how to do is make her cry. God I hate him so much. I mean, I thought I hated him before, but now, I don't think I've ever loathed someone's existence so much in my entire life. Again, I'm not a fighter, but it's scary how badly I want to hurt him.

He hurt Cat. The more I say it the more this… fire burns in me. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. I've never felt such a wide range of emotions (negative ones might I add) before. I mean, I'm mad, pissed off, angry, frustrated, and maybe even a little hurt. Whatever the emotion, the one they can all agree on is hatred.

Cat's sobs have quieted into sniffles and I'm about to ask her what Robbie said to her, when my text tone goes off. I pick up my phone as Cat cuddles closer and read the message.

_Is Cat ok? -Jade _

Since when has Jade ever texted me? She must be really worried about Cat. Wait, since when did Jade have my number?

_She's a little shaken up but she's ok_. I quickly jot down then send.

_Good. If u need anything, just say.-Jade _

_Kk,_ I send back.

Huh, if I need anything, just say? This one odd day. First innocent little Cat decks Robbie, then Jade covers for her, I'm in the mood to murder someone, and now Jade's being a… friend? That's the part that weirds me out the most. The fact that Jade pretty much just said she was here if I needed anything. She supposedly hates me and I don't see how Cat would make a difference in that. I guess it goes a little deeper than that.

As much as I'm afraid of Jade, I also respect her. I'd help her if she needed me too. Like when she dumped Beck or when she needed help with her play. I may not like her but I don't want her to fail. Maybe that's what she has for me. She doesn't necessarily like me and enjoys seeing me fail at a lot of things, but when it comes to something as sensitive as this, she doesn't want to see me fail. She has a deep respect for me. I say deep because you can't see it, ever, unless it's a situation like this one. When we see each other again it'll be like none of this happened, but we'll still have the understanding that if we ever need each other, we'll be there. We have each others backs.

"What did he say to you?" I ask randomly.

"He was just upset" Cat sniffles.

"I know that, but what did he say?"

"He was mad at you" She says. I can imagine the face she had saying that. Furrowed brows, slightly confused.

"Why was he mad at me?"

"Well, he was mad at me too. He didn't know why we were hanging out so much but he doesn't like it. He thinks you're taking me away from him. I tried to talk about it but he didn't want to listen."

"So this happened… because of me?" I ask. He's hurting her because of me? That's one thing I really didn't consider. I figured if anything Robbie would just hate me… but Cat is innocent in all this. Collateral damage was the last thing I was worried about. Maybe me trying to protect her is actually hurting her… maybe-

"It wasn't because of you Tori, it was _for_ you. And I'd gladly do it again if it meant another moment like this. It's not often an ocean is still and I wouldn't trade this for a thousand Robbies." She says.

I can't even…

"Do you have any idea what you do to my heart?" I ask quietly. That… was actually supposed to stay inside of my head. Cat looks up at me and deep into my eyes. She was right, calm waters.

"Absolutely." She says without a doubt. I give a small smile and we sit in silence for a while longer.

We hear the doorbell go off and I kiss the side of Cat's head. She moves off of me and cuddles into my sheets. I think she likes the way I smell and I think that that's absolutely adorable. I hear the doorbell again and make my way down the stairs. When I reach the front door it goes off again.

"It's not gonna make me walk any faster-" I yell as I open the door.

"Robbie" I finish. It's like I could feel the anger inside of me darken my eyes. I lean against the doorframe and wait for him to say something. The left side of his face looks so messed up right now.

Good.

"Can I talk to Cat?" He asks more like a demand.

"No."

"Come on Tori, just let me talk to her"

"No."

"Look Tori-"

"How **dare **you? You show up here after what you did and you really expect me to let you see her?" I cut him off.

"It's not that big" He tries to defend. It takes every muscle in my body to not strangle him where he stands.

"It's big to her, and right now, she's all that matters."

"She's _my_ girlfriend, just let me talk to her" he tries.

"No" I say sternly.

"Tori, Cat isn't the only victim here. She hit-"

"Robbie" I cut him off. I take a step towards him and get right in his face.

"You're lucky she got to you before I did." I say in a dark tone. His face goes from horrified to challenging. He doesn't think I'm serious.

"Is that a threat?" He asks sounding cocky.

"Absolutely" And with that I close the door, but not before catching a glimpse of the horrified look that returned to his face. I smirk to myself then sigh and turn around to see Cat at the bottom of my stairs.

"I'm guessing you heard all that?" I ask. She nods. "Look, I'm sorry you if you feel like I'm being unfair to him or-" I don't get to finish. Cat takes three big strides over to me and smashes her lips against mine. Now this, _this_ is definitely an "I want you" kiss. Our tongues are instantly intertwined and her hands are on the sides of my face. I pull her hips to mine and… can you really blame me for having a firm grasp on her butt?

We only pull away from each other when we hear someone come down the stairs, which causes Cat to let out a frustrated growl. My parents are god knows where till tomorrow so I know it's Trina.

"Are you sure you're just fr-" I don't let her finish.

"Tina, out" I say pointing to the door. I am in no mood to argue with her. Right now my body is on fire and aching for Cat. The last thing I'm going to do is deny it of that or let Trina get the front row to it, again.

Trina simply smirks and puts her hands up in defeat. "Try arching more this time" She says as she passes me and makes her way to the front door. What I would give to tear her face off right now. The second the door shuts Cat and I are all over each other. My hands go up her shirt but she quickly pulls away, confusing me a bit.

"Bedroom" She breathes. Well lucky for you Cat, I know right where that is.

I guess Cat wants this a lot more than I do. Why? Because she basically dragged me up the stairs and into my room. Once there I fumble with the light switch but successfully turn the lights off after a moment. Sunset yet again. Cat reattaches her lips to mine and walks me backward to my bed. Generally you'd expect the back of my knees to hit the bed, then I fall on it pulling her with me right? Well this… is not at all how I saw it going in my head. When we reach my bed, Cat pushes me back on it, almost a little harshly, then straddles me. Her lips are back on mine, my hands are up her shirt, her fingers are tangled in my hair, and… what are we doing?

Out of any time for my reason to bite me in the ass, it _had_ to be now.

Yeah, it has to be now. It's now because whether I like it or not Cat still has a boyfriend. She's still attached to that bastard. This first time this happened it was out of innocent intentions, this time it's because she hates him. Because _we_ hate him. Strangling Robbie is one thing, but sleeping with his girlfriend just to get back at him would be a new low. This wouldn't be about me or Cat, it's about Robbie. Am I really gonna give that to him? Let our second time together be for him?

No. Of course not.

"Cat- stop" I say through the kiss. It's like she doesn't even hear me. She just continues her assault on my lips and then pops the button on my jeans. At that I manage to get my hands onto her shoulders and pry her face off of mine. At first she stares at me wide eyed, then she just grows confused.

"What's wrong?" she asks breathing heavy.

"We can't do this" I say between breaths.

"Why not?"

"Because," I say sitting up, her getting off of me "it's not right"

"What do you mean? We both want it so why not?" She tries to reason.

"It's not for the right reasons. We'd be doing it for Robbie, not for us"

"But I don't want Robbie"

"I know"

"I want you"

"I know" And I do know. It seems like a big shock to you right? She wants me. It should be a shock for me too, but it's not. It's not because I've **known**. I don't know if it was radiating off of me or if she just finally caught on, but after the past month and especially from earlier today, I knew she felt it. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I knew she felt the way I've been. She had too. Us wanting each other is just scratching the surface. There's something much deeper going on here and it's deeper than any want we could ever have for each other.

"Then what's the problem?" She breathes at a loss.

"You're still with him. You can't be mine until you're not his" I say quietly.

"I don't want to be his… I never did"

…**.. ….. ….. … …. …. ….. ….. … … … … ….**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter for you.**

**So… I know I said I would make up for last chapter with this one, but as you can see… I didn't. But heed not upon your own understanding, for I have reason. I started writing this one and before I knew it, I had almost 3,000 words of nothing. It's nothing, but important nothing. Next chapter is gonna be the one you want.**

**Sad to say… this story is drawing to a close. I feel it's premature, but I only planned on 15 chapters to begin with. Now of course it'll be more than that, but I just wanted to give you all a heads up.**

**On to my shout-outs:**

** eyes134: You're awesome. Nuff said.**

**506thpir: Glad I could entertain. I loved that part as well.**

**Fizbanoz: I am right there with you. I'm actually dreading having to end this one, I wish it could last forever. And I'm honored that you feel that way about my story.**

**K9GM3: Trust is all I ask brother. Just trust me.**

**AriaSpirit: Well thanks, you're awesome too.**

**Shmankingowner44: If you're trying to make me blush you're doing an excellent job. I am beyond flattered.**

**Thanks to all of you for sticking with me and welcome to all my new readers. You know I love you all. Alright loves, not too much more to go. **

**Till the next chapter, review, inspire and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	15. Let it be this one

_**Previously**_

"_But I don't want Robbie" _

"_I know"_

"_I want you"_

"_I know" And I do know. It seems like a big shock to you right? She wants me. It should be a shock for me too, but it's not. It's not because I've __**known**__. I don't know if it was radiating off of me or if she just finally caught on, but after the past month and especially from earlier today, I knew she felt it. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I knew she felt the way I've been. She had too. Us wanting each other is just scratching the surface. There's something much deeper going on here and it's deeper than any want we could ever have for each other._

"_Then what's the problem?" She breathes at a loss._

"_You're still with him. You can't be mine until you're not his" I say quietly. _

"_I don't want to be his… I never did"_

_**Present**_

"You never wanted too…?" I repeat what she said. Cat looks down at her lap and I see a guilty expression wash over her features.

"I just wanted to be normal." She says quietly. What?

"Explain"

"I just… I wanted to be like you guys for a little while. If being me was so bad then what's so good about the world you see? Why is mine bad? I didn't understand why no one liked what I saw. It hurt. I… I just wanted to be like you guys. If I had known that things could be like _this_ between us then I never would've said yes when Robbie asked me out." She says moving closer to me.

"Wait… so let me get this straight, you basically used Robbie to become normal?" Mind blown.

"Well, I really did want to like him… but that was before you"

"You used _Robbie_ to become normal?" I ask again.

"It sounds worse when you say it like that." She says furrowing her eye brows.

"Yeah, but, you used _Robbie to-_"

"Tori." Cat cuts me off annoyed.

"I'm sorry but, out of anyone, Robbie is the least normal. Well, besides Sinjin but Robbie's not far off." Come on, she used _Robbie_ of all people.

"Well it's not like anyone else was exactly jumping up to help me." She says sharply. That's new… "I don't know what normal is Tori, Robbie is just like everyone else to me" She finishes.

"I thought you liked being the way you are"

"I do. I love it, but no one else does. That's what I'm trying to tell you, no one else gets it. It's like… you can study the ocean your entire life and time it down to a science, but it's still unpredictable. One minute it's calm, then the next it's on dangerous waters. It's so misunderstood that most write it off as just the ocean. They don't understand. Most don't even try." She says.

"Well yeah, it can't be studied and predicted. You can't know what's happening unless you dive in and feel it. You move with it and you know exactly what's happening. The only way to actually see the wonder of it all is to dive under and look. Even then you're still at the currents mercy but at least then you can feel it. At least then you know what to do and how to handle it." I rant. And it's true. You can't look at it or hear it and know everything.

"Exactly" Cat says smirking at me.

Oh… wow.

I actually feel like passing out. This entire time I was studying Cat. I was watching her and trying to figure her out. It confused the hell out of me. I mean, you saw how confused I was over her… all this time it was that easy. It was right in front of my face. There is no key or code that unlocks every part of her. She's just as complex as the next guy, just in a different way. It took me this long to figure that out but… it's better than never right? I understood her and was able to change her. I figured her out. I understand her. Wow. Just dive in.

"Tori… you look a little pail" Cat says worried.

"Yeah… it'll pass"

"Are you sure?" She asks intertwining our fingers. I nod, a smile forming on my face.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Good. Because I heard when people are pale, it means that a ghost is-" I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. I can feel her smiling.

I pull back and she her eyes open a moment later.

"I'm gonna go break up with Robbie" She says getting up.

And just like that… a wave tossed in the ocean… she's gone. I shouldn't let her face him alone, but I know she can do it. I'm not needed there. If I'm lucky his face will be swelled into a bowling ball after she's done with him. I trust that she'll do whatever she needs to do. I trust her and I understand her.

…. …. … … …. … …. …. ….. ….. …. …. ….

You wanna know what I hate more than hearing Trina belt out songs in the shower on a Saturday morning?

Being woken up in the literal morning by a million texts. When I say literal morning, it's 4 am. The sun isn't even awake yet. I groan and roll over to grab my phone.

_15 New Messages from Cat_

_What are you doing? 3:45 am_

_It's cold out here. 3:46 am_

_Open your door. 3:47 am_

_Look a kitten! 3:48 am_

_It wasn't it kitten, it was a raccoon. 3:49 am_

_Raccoons look and growl a lot like kittens. 3:50 am_

And there are ten more just like that. A text a minute for fifteen minutes. Wow, she really wants to get a hold of- did she say open the door? I scan through the messages again then quickly hop out of bed. I quietly make my way down the stairs and to my front door. I unlock it, count to 43, then open the door.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper yell.

"I broke up with Robbie" she whispers back with a smile.

"At 4 a.m.? That's kind of harsh"

"Well no, I did it after I left your house then I went back to my house and had dinner with my family but my brother started choking on a meatball so my parents had to call 911 so now he's in the ER but I'm sure he'll be fine but they left me at home and it got really late so I decided to go to sleep but I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of you and that kept giving me butterflies and you know how I feel about butterflies so I had to come see you" She whispers in one breathe. I'm impressed. Besides her incredible talking abilities, she came all the way over here in the middle of the night just to see me.

I step back and let her in before shutting the door and locking it. When I turn around to tell her how adorable she is, she's gone. How does she even…?

I make my way back up to my room and when I get in I see Cat sitting on my bed.

"So I'm guessing it went well?" I ask.

"I guess, I just told him that it wasn't working between us. I couldn't be me when I was with him but now I've found someone I can be me with." She says with a smile.

"Oh really? And who might this lucky person be?" I smirk.

"You might have heard of her. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen… and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm cute too."

"Does she now?"

"Yeah. Ya know she used to be a sailor."

"She did?" I ask with a smile. I love it when we go into our little metaphors. It's like our own language. A secret code that only we can understand.

"Yeah, but she loves diving now."

"So I've heard. You wanna know what else I've heard?" I say sitting on my bed facing her.

"What?" she asks intertwining our fingers.

"That she loves you" Cat looks down for a moment then back up at me. Aww she's blushing.

"I love you too" She says. "And you look good in that grey tank top" She finishes with a smile. Only Cat could say something as random as that and not ruin the moment.

"Right… so…" I trail off.

"So…" She repeats.

Oh come on, you know we're both thinking it. Not only thinking it, _wanting _it. Cat and I want each other. I'm finally admitting it and she's doing the same. We love each other and we're finally able to be together. So… what on earth are we waiting for?

I slowly slide on of my hands out of Cat's, then rest it on her leg. I am so glad she wore a skirt today. I slide my hand up her leg and under her skirt to where I just brush her panties. She sucks in a sharp breath and looks like she's about to explode already. But then… she gets this dark look in her eyes. One I haven't seen before. It's actually a little intimidating that I can't quite read it. So I swim. I swim till I can see it clearly.

Desire.

"Uh…" I start but I don't get to finish.

Cat presses her lips firmly against mine and I crumble under that. Her hands easily find my chest, which by the way, feels a-freaking-mazing. I rake my nails over her thighs and it takes everything in me to not just rip her panties of and take her without warning. She pulls back for a moment and looks me dead in the eyes. Now this look, I can definitely read.

These clothes need to come off.

And they do.

You know what I find funny? That my parents are never home when my friends are over. They're always god knows where doing god knows what. Well, except for that one time. But other than that they're never here. I'm very thankful for that tonight though. Apparently their taking a long weekend at the beach.

Anyway, it seems like this is happening so fast right? I'd like to say that and believe it, but I can't. This has been a long time coming. The tension between us has been almost unbearable. I don't think it's possible for us to trust each other more than we do right now. I mean, we care about each other so deeply and passionately this just… _had_ to happen. I want her and I understand her.

At this point for you it's just a bunch of blurry images and intense breathing. For old time's sake, you don't need to know everything, just that it was intimate. Well, intimate and kind of rough. It was… amazing. Lots of writhing, moaning, scratching, and I think I wanna tattoo that bite mark into my collar bone.

Yeah, you know how I always comment on how innocent she is? Well the things she's doing to me would challenge that in every aspect. And the fact that she still looks so innocent makes me wanna… I don't even know. She has the lead on this one.

To be honest, I'm surprised she didn't tear my tank top off. It seems to be the only piece of clothing that managed to stay on my body (although she's completely naked, not that I mind… at all). And that brings us to now, us laying next to each other, staring at the ceiling wide eyed.

"Wow…" I breathe.

"Yeah…"

"That was…"

"…Amazing" She finishes for me.

It really was. I mean, I thought the first time was good. _This_… I don't even know how to classify it. If Trina had heard it, she'd be proud. My god Tori, why did you think that?

"I feel really… good" Cat says with a lazy smile.

"Me too" I really, _really_ do. I could easily get used to this.

"I'm happy" Cat says looking over at me.

"I'm happy too" I say matching her gaze. Cat moves closer to me and throws a leg over mine before cuddling into my shoulder. I return my gaze to the ceiling and hear Cat breathe in deeply.

"I like the way you smell" She says. I laugh lightly. I knew it. "Tori?" I hear her say. I look over at her and she gives a small smile.

"I love you" She says.

"I love you too" I say. Cat leans up and presses her lips against mine then pulls away a few seconds later. She lays her head on my shoulder and I lean my head against it.

I'm not a religious person, but right now I find myself praying, no, _begging_ to God;

If any moment could last forever, let it be this one.

….. …. ….. ….. …. ….. … …. ….. … …

I'm in love and it's amazing.

It's Monday and I hate Mondays. But I don't hate today. No no, not this Monday. I get to see my beautiful love today and that alone is enough to brighten any day.

"So I take it you told her?"

"What gave it away?" I ask putting my history book back into my locker.

"That smile that just doesn't seem to go away. So, how'd ya do it?" Beck asks.

"I didn't. We both just kind of knew"

"So does that mean…" he trails off. Ok, he could be asking a number of things… I'm really hoping it's not what I think it is.

"What?" I ask.

"Does that mean you two are a couple?"

"Oh, uh, yeah." Thank God.

"Huh" Beck says furrowing his brow.

"What's wrong? Shouldn't you be happy over this?"

"Yeah… of course and I don't mean to rain on your parade but Robbie's trying to get your attention." Beck says pointing behind me. I turn around and sure enough, there's Robbie trying to wave me over.

"You want me to talk to him?" Beck asks. Aww, he's such a big brother.

"No I got it. See you at lunch." I say turning to walk towards Robbie. After I make it over to him I can still clearly see that half of his face is purple. It still amazes me that Cat did that with one punch.

"What do you want Robbie?"

"She left me for you" He says monotone.

"And?"

"So you admit it?"

"Yeah, I do"

"Why did you take her from me?" He asks getting angry.

"I didn't _take_ anything. She came running to me to get away from the asshole you are." I say sternly. I can already see that he wants to challenge me. He wants to play. I will tear his eyes out before he can even think about getting near Cat again. If he wants to play, then we'll play. He wants a challenge, he's got one.

Bring it on bitch.

…**.. …. ….. … … … ….. ….. ….. …. … …**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter up for you.**

**Ok, I wanna start off with, yes, the last line is a bit out of character for Tori, but I think we can all relate when I say that as long as we're around, NOTHING will hurt the ones we love. This is not an uncommon attitude when threats come our way. I'm generally a peaceful person, but I would absolutely tear Robbie's face off if I was in that position. **

**Anyway. I felt rushed with this chapter. I'm just really not feeling it right now. I'm trying to find my rhythm again for the final chapters. My life right now is blah blah blah and I feel it's affecting my writing. Prayers are appreciated. **

**As for my shout outs:**

**Crazier: Hope this satisfies your need for Cori, and all will be explained.**

**DramaHunny101: You are awesome. I'm grateful that you understand where I'm coming from. **

**Sami Jo: This should also satisfy your need for Cori. And that quote is gold.**

**Fizbanoz: You can count on it.**

**Lightningsnow66: You make me go, "Aww ^.^". Thank you for that.**

**Ok, HUGE shout out to Ms. Green Eyes 134 for being my 200****th**** review. I am honored to have you all reading and liking this. I absolutely love you all.**

**Alright loves, not much more to go. Welcome to all my new readers. Till the next chapter, review, inspire, and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	16. You absolute idiot

_**Previously**_

"_She left me for you" He says monotone._

"_And?"_

"_So you admit it?"_

"_Yeah, I do"_

"_Why did you take her from me?" He asks getting angry._

"_I didn't take anything. She came running to me to get away from the asshole you are." I say sternly. I can already see that he wants to challenge me. He wants to play. I will tear his eyes out before he can even think about getting near Cat again. If he wants to play, then we'll play. He wants a challenge, he's got one._

_Bring it on bitch. _

_**Present**_

"Tori, she's my girlfriend I-"

"Was, Robbie. She _was_ your girlfriend." I cut him off.

"If we didn't work out, what makes you think that you two will?"

"Where do you want me to start?" I ask smirking at him.

"I love her" he says.

"And I love her too."

"No you don't, you wouldn't of taken her from me if you loved her!" he raises his voice.

"Again, I didn't take her and I love her more than you ever could."

"No you don't, I was helping her Tori. She was gonna be normal" By now we've drawn a small crowd.

"That's the problem Robbie, you weren't helping her, you were hiding her. She needs someone to help her understand all the parts of her that she can't. You were trying to control her. You can't control the ocean." I say the last line a bit quieter.

"Exactly. If I can't control her then how can she control herself? Tori, Cat is not who you think she is. She not some innocent little flower that you keep seeing her as. She's crazy and she's sick."

"You have some nerve…" I trail off in a low tone.

"I'm being serious. She's on eight different medications and has seen more social aids than movies in her life. What she did to my face is nothing compared to what she could do to you. And there have been others just like me. She's dangerous Tori."

"Yeah, and unfortunately she missed your nose." I get a few "ooo's" from the group behind me.

I shouldn't let him get to me, but something about what he just said makes me second guess myself. 8 different medications? And I knew about Jade but… Cat's hurt more than just Robbie and Jade? So… maybe she hasn't been as upfront and honest as I thought… but I mean, I didn't ask either. So… she loves me right? She wouldn't hurt me… I think. What if she does though… what if- Tori are you really letting him get in your head?

**You love Cat.**

That's all that matters. Now get your head out of your ass, and put Robbie in the ground.

"Why do you encourage her behavior? Do you get off on it Tori? Are you just that selfish?" he says staring me dead in the eyes.

"I want her to be who she is and I don't understand how you can blame me for that. That's the exact reason why she left you Robbie. She found someone to love her just the way she is. How am I selfish when you were the one controlling her?"

"She asked me to help her be normal"

"Only because _we_ wanted her to be. Just let it go Robbie. Let _her _go. She was never yours to begin with and she definitely isn't now. That fact may not stop you from trying, but know that if it doesn't, I will. If you weren't so pathetic I'd beg you to let her go, because I** will** fight for Cat. Unlike you, I would tear anyone in half who so much as looked at her the wrong way and that includes you."

"So you're threatening me again?" He scoffs.

"I'm telling you to back off before I make you" at that I hear a few more "ooo's" go off behind me. High school kids are really starting to bug me.

"And I'm telling you that your bark is worse than your bite" he retaliates. Ok, now this is ridicules and going nowhere. He doesn't even actually want to fight me. He's just arguing for good measure. What the heck is wrong with him?

"Robbie… what happened to you?" I ask. Really, what happened to this guy? What happened to the nerdy strange kid with a puppet? Why is he acting like this?

"What happened to me? What everyone wanted" He says quietly. On that he turns around and walks off.

What everyone wanted? As much as I'd love to stay and decode that. I'm not sure he deserves my thoughts. No one really does.

Just Cat.

… …**.. ….. … … …. ….. … ….. ….. … …**

There are some things in life you should always do. Keeping a spare pair of clothes in places you are the most is one of them.

I don't think Jade's ever laughed harder at me. Well at least _she_ got a kick out of it. Unfortunately right after school ended I was walking back to my locker when, out of nowhere, I run right into Sinjin who was carrying a bucket of something green and gooey. I don't know what it was and I'm not sure I want to know but what I do know, is that it ended up all over my shirt. My **white** shirt. Thank God I'm wearing a tank top under it.

Anyway, that brings us to now. Beck almost had to carry Jade here because she was laughing so hard. See what I mean? Back to normal. Like none of that almost friendly moment happened.

"Is that roses?" Beck asks. I peel off my shirt then smell it.

"Yeah… it is." I say with a confused look. How is that even…? We both hear a thud and turn to see Jade on the ground grabbing her stomach, still laughing.

"So how'd it go Robbie?" Beck asks ignoring Jade.

"Confusing. That and he was just being his usual jerk self."

"I wouldn't call it usual" Beck says.

"Why not? He's been acting this way for a while."

"Well yeah, but if you think about it, it was kind of random. He was fine one day then not the next."

Hmmm. He has a point. Robbie's douche bag-ness was pretty abrupt. Something must've really set him off to have this drastic of an impact on him. And as much as I'd like to explore that train of thought, I won't. He still doesn't deserve it.

"Well whatever the problem, he needs to fix it. I'm tired of dealing with the result of whatever he did." I say grabbing my clean shirt and turning back to him.

"Uh..." Beck trails off looking at me.

"What?"

"Is that a bite mark?" Beck says focusing on my collar bone.

Tori you absolute idiot.

I quickly swing my clean shirt over my shoulder and cover the mark. Beck's eyebrows shoot up and his eyes start scanning mine. Annnnnnnnnd he knows.

His jaw starts to drop but I quickly close it for him at seeing Andre and Cat come around the corner. We both turn and acknowledge them with fake smiles. Jade's still on the ground gasping for air and at this point I hope she suffocates.

"Hey... what's up with Jade?" Andre asks.

"It's actually a funny story, we were-" Beck goes on to explain what happened and I try to listen... but something catches my eye.

Cat. At first she just double takes but then she starts staring at me. I look over at her and I notice that she's not necessarily staring at me, but at my tank top. Oh... my grey tank top. **The** tank top. The one I wore when we... ya know.

I see a smirk form on her face and her eyes meet mine. That look is unmistakable. I suddenly find myself really, really wanting to go home and tell everyone that Cat and I need to study. Yeah, study each other's bodies very, _very_ thoroughly. I let my mind linger on those thoughts till I hear something that makes me choke on my heart.

"So Tori, you got bit by Cat huh?" I hear Andre ask.

"H-huh?" I stutter.

"Beck told me you got bit by a cat. Did it hurt?" he asks. Oh thank God I heard him wrong. But reguarless I'm going to kill Beck.

"Uh... not really." I say slowly.

"Really? You'd think it'd at least leave a mark." Andre says. He turns back to Beck and starts going on about how he's never been stung by a bee and that he's adding "bitten by a cat" to the list.

I look back over at Cat and her eyes are extremely dark and filled with lust. You know how she usually has that cute kitten look to her? Well when she gets this way, which I've only seen one other time, she looks like a lion and I'm the prey. My god that is so hot…

Out of the corner of my eye I see Andre helping Jade up and Beck looking back and forth between Cat and I. Perfect… Cat and I are obviously making heavenly eye sex and Beck's here to witness it. Cat notices my discomfort and furrows her brows slightly. I tilt my head towards Beck and her eyes soon find him. Yes, Beck and his stupid knowing smile. Cat's confused face immediately stone walls and she looks at me wide eyed.

I try to give her a comforting smile but she averts her eyes to the floor and holds her books closer to her chest.

"Did we miss something awkward?" Andre asks finally getting Jade off of the floor. I nod slowly.

"When isn't it awkward with Tori?" Jade says monotone. How does she go from dying from laughter to monotone in 2.5 seconds?

"Right well, we should really get going. You and Cat have to study. Anatomy, right Tori?" Beck says.

"Yeah, should be fun" I say glaring at him. He shakes his head then sighs. It's weird. His expression just changed with his sigh. He's looking at me with sympathy now, like the fun is over.

"So… why are we still here?" Jade says annoyed. Beck rolls his eyes and puts his arm around her. They both exit the school with a confused Andre tagging along. Poor Andre, he's been so lost in all his. He has no idea what's going on.

"So… Beck knows that we…?" I hear Cat say quietly.

"Well… he encouraged me to do it"

"He what?" Cat says surprised.

"Well yeah… he was actually the one to tell me to go for it. He knew before I did really"

"So we've been having sex because Beck told you to?" She exclaims. My eyes practically bug out of my head when I hear that.

"What? No! I mean he knew that I liked you and… and… I misread your question" I say giving an apologetic smile. Wow I was really lost there for a moment.

"Oh" Cat says in a sigh of relief. "But Beck knows we have sex?"

I cringe at hearing her say that.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just weird hearing you say that" I say.

"But that's what it is…" She trails off.

"Well yeah but you don't have to say it like that"

"Would you rather me say make love?"

I cringe again. "No…"

"Right…" Cat says rolling her eyes. "So Beck knows that we "study""

"Yeah, he literally just found out." I say accepting her studying term. I'm sorry but something so innocent just looks so wrong saying things like that.

"How'd he find out?" She asks.

"Because of you, or rather this." I say moving my shirt off my shoulder. I expected her eyes to be the size of Jupiter at the sight of the mark she left, but again, Cat only lives up to **her** expectations. Instead, she licks her lips then smirks. Her smirks will be the end of me one day.

"You should get that tattooed." She says. My thoughts exactly. Well… not my thoughts right now. My thoughts right now are revolving around… things I won't explain.

"I was thinking about it"

"Well you should. I like it. However if you don't want a tattoo I can see to it that it's always there anyway" She says tilting her head. I can't even answer that. I just bite my lip and nod. Good god I love this woman.

"Speechless already? Can't wait to see what our study session does to you then." She says walking past me. It takes a second before it clicks in my head and I put my shirt on faster than superman. I slam my locker closed then sprint out of the school after Cat. I love this side of her. The naughty side that only I get to see. I mean, I love everything about her, but something about that specific thing really reels me in.

Then again, come on, I'm still a teenager.

….. … …. ….. ….. …. ….. ….

"I think I could get used to this" Cat says cuddling into my side.

"It wouldn't be hard at all" I say with a laugh.

If you haven't already guessed, our studying went quite well. We're currently in Cat's bed and guess what? It is indeed sunset. I like how it's kind of our thing. Also, yes, I said **Cat's** bed. We decided a change of scenery would be nice. Granted her room is basically covered in unicorn barf but it's what makes her perfectly Cat. The Cat I love and wouldn't change for anything.

We hear a door shut somewhere in the house then footsteps on the stairs.

"Tori… you locked the door right? You know, when I said "Make sure you lock the door" when we came in? You did it right?" Cat asks slowly.

"Uh…" To be quite honest, I was more focused on tearing Cat's shirt off than locking the door. But can you really blame me?

We hear her door knob turn and Cat easily shoves me out of her bed, only, on the wrong side. So now I'm naked, on the floor, on the door side. Smooth move Cat. I quickly grab her comforter and pull it down over me just as the door opens. We are so dead. They're going to burn me then lock Cat in a closet for the rest of her life. Who wouldn't at finding their daughter naked in bed with another girl?

The first thing I see is freshly manicured pink toenails. Great. It's her mom.

"What are you doing Kitty Cat?" I hear… in a man voice? I look up to see not Cat's mom, but her brother with a confused expression.

"Uh… studying?" Cat says.

"Studying what?" He asks looking down at me.

This is beyond a deer caught in headlights moment. So I panic and say the first thing that comes to mind.

"Sexual education?"

You absolute idiot.

I can clearly hear Cat's palm meeting her forehead along with a frustrated sigh.

"Ok then, have fun!" he says then prances out.

I get up, close the door, make sure to lock it, then look over at Cat slowly. She's giving me a "you're an idiot" look. Yeah, I deserve that.

"Heh heh… my bad?" I say with a smile.

…. ….. … … … …. …. …. …. ….. …

The rest of the night went pretty well at Cat's. Her brother, who is a lot weirder than Cat was, didn't say anything to their parents thank God. Speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Valentine, they're actually pretty cool. Cat definitely didn't come from a broken home. Her dad is probably the most normal out of all of them. He gets a little annoyed with Cat every once in a while but he definitely loves her.

Cat and her brother are extremely close. It makes me look at Trina and I's relationship. I wish we understood each other like that. Then there's Cat's mom who is like the bridge between Mr. Valentine and the rest of them. She's a little weird too but the kind of weird that's just awesome. They're all just one big happy family.

I had dinner with them which was definitely interesting but I had a great time. That brings us to now. Cat and I just finished a very nice make-out session on my front porch.

"You know you could come inside" I say.

"I could, but I'm incredibly tired. You wore me out today."

"I look at that as a good thing"

"It's a very good thing" Cat says then pecks my on the lips. "I'll see you tomorrow"

"Ok, love you"

"Love you too" she says walking back to her brother's car. Normally I wouldn't pull something like that while her brother is in the driveway, but he so focused on pulling out his eye lashes that we decided to chance it.

I watch till they drive away and make a noise that would be the definition of "sqeee". After I calm down I open my door and walk in to find… Andre, Beck, Jade, and Trina looking at me with worried expressions, well, Jade just looks bored but that's normal.

"Was there a slumber party I wasn't invited to?" I joke. Their looks don't change.

Beck sighs then opens his mouth to say something,

"Think of it as more of an… intervention"

…**. …. ….. … … …. …. … …**

**Once again, another chapter up for you my Lotus Blossoms.**

**Sorry it took a bit longer to get this one out. It's the last month of school so it's been pretty intense lately. Man I can't wait for summer.**

**Anyway, I know you were expecting more of a showdown between Robbie and Tori but it was more of just a "let's see who can outsmart who" for reasons of which only I will know for now.**

**As for my shout-outs:**

**AliasSpyCrazy: Glad to see that I helped widen your interests. **

**August Jade: As well as widening your interests. One of my goals was to help people see Cori how I see it, I'm glad to see that it's working.**

**Sami Jo: Hearts to you too and I will take it into consideration. Also, you should set yourself up an account here. **

**Moving on, there are only about two chapters left. I have too much for the original 18 but too less for the 20 and there was no way I was going to go 19. So I'm back to 18. I'm super excited for the next chapter though. **

**Alright loves, till the second to last chapter which by the way is already written, review, motivate, inspire, and spread the love around. Thick. **

**A.Y.P.**


	17. Tidal Wave

_**Previously**_

_I watch till they drive away and make a noise that would be the definition of "sqeee". After I calm down I open my door and walk in to find… Andre, Beck, Jade, and Trina looking at me with worried expressions, well, Jade just looks bored but that's normal._

"_Was there a slumber party I wasn't invited to?" I joke. Their looks don't change._

_Beck sighs then opens his mouth to say something,_

"_Think of it as more of an… intervention"_

_**Present**_

An intervention?

"Last time I checked I wasn't on drugs, then again Jade knows where I sleep" I say sending a half assed smile to Jade. She shoots a glare back at me.

"Tori, just come sit down" Beck says. Man this really is like an intervention. I go sit on the couch and all eyes are on me. Awkward…

"So what is this about?" I ask.

"You" Andre says.

"Really?" I ask shooting him a "duh" look.

"We told Andre about you and Cat" Beck says.

"Ok" I say. I'm not mad. He would've found out eventually anyway. "But again, I'm not on any drugs so is this really necessary? The only thing I'm high from would be Cat"

"Which is exactly why this is an intervention" He says. "Tori… you haven't been you lately." I furrow my brows.

"And as much as you don't want to believe it, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't true" Trina cuts in. That's true… Trina only cares about Trina. Maybe this is worth listening to.

"Well… what do you mean I haven't been me? Is it Cat?" I ask.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but yeah, it's Cat" Beck says.

"Don't get me wrong I love little red, but we don't need two." Andre says.

"So… you're saying you don't want me to hang around Cat?" I ask.

"Not exactly, we just you back." Beck says.

"But that doesn't make any sense, these past few months have been amazing. I mean I've heard you guys laughing at her finally understandable stories for the past few months now. What's so bad about that?" I ask.

"We were laughing because you were. At first we thought it was just pity laughing but then we realized… you were serious." Andre says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Part of the answer to that question is in what you just said. Tori… you didn't change Cat, she changed you" Beck says slowly.

"That's impossible… what about when you were talking about how normal Cat was? You were like "Wow, that was really normal" or something like that" I say starting to panic.

"Yeah, it was normal. **Between you and Cat.** It was like you were born on the same planet she was." Jade cuts in.

I run my hands through my hair slowly and focus on the ground.

Cat changed me? No… she couldn't have. _I_ changed _her._ They have to be playing some sort of joke on me. You've seen the improvement from where she was to where she is now. There is no way that that was all in my head. She opened up to me, she trusted me, she let me guide her to land. There's… there's just no way.

"That's… that's impossible. You've seen the change in her." I say.

"The only change we saw was in you. It's been ridiculously hard to understand you lately. At first it wasn't that bad, but then you started acting really off and now that you and Cat are together, we didn't know if we'd ever see the real you again." Beck says.

I don't even…

"And Tori… I know I may not be the best sister, but I'm the prettiest." Trina says in a heartfelt tone. Everyone's faces just go confused. "Oh right, I mean, I might not be the best sister, but I still care. In a way." She finishes.

"I don't care at all, but Cat alone is annoying and we don't need another one." Jade says.

"We just want ya back Tori" Andre finishes off.

"Right… can I just… think about this for a while." I say quietly.

"Yeah of course. We should get going anyway. If you need anything, we're all here for you, except for Jade" Beck says sweetly. I nod and they all get up then leave.

It's all locking into place. My conversations with Cat have been so normal the past few months. It's as if I was talking to your average Jane. Like Cat wasn't Cat. But that wasn't the case at all, I wasn't me.

I am devastated. I don't… I don't even know what to do. I am so lost right now. I thought… no… I was _sure_, I knew I had changed Cat. How could I not have? I dove in, I understood her, and I changed her. I made her normal. How would she change me? There's no way that I would let that happen. How would I not notice that? I… don't know what to do.

"Are you ok?" Trina asks? Sitting down next to me. Am I ok? I just found out that the past few months of my life haven't been real. They weren't what I thought they were. It's like a kick to the chest. The wind is knocked out of me and I feel like I can't breathe back in. My lungs are on fire. Maybe my tears will put them out.

Yeah, I cry. I can't help but cry. I have no idea what's happening or what happened. There's so many emotions rushing through me and I can't stop them. I can't control them. It's like…

A tidal wave.

A tidal wave of emotions. I'm feeling so many things but the one that's screaming is fear. I am so afraid. I'm afraid of where all that invested time went. I'm afraid that I've lost who I am. I'm afraid because I have no idea what I've become. And I have no one to help me through it. I have no one to tell me where to go or what to do next. I'm lost and alone.

It's surprising what people do when you're hurting. I say this because Trina's arm just went around my back and she's pulling me closer to her. That's right, I cry and I cry and she holds me the entire time. She's never been that sister. The one I needed or wanted. But right now, she's being that sister. I don't know why she would care now when she never has before. She's rubbing my back and whispering comforting things. That just makes me cry harder. I really needed her and here she is. This **doesn't** happen. It just doesn't.

We may not be close, but like Jade, Trina's always gonna have my back. She'll be here when I really need her. The difference between the two is that this is going to bring Trina and I closer together. I know she can be horrible and at times I don't want to be associated with her, but regardless she's my sister. We love each other no matter how much we fight it.

Again I'm not a religious person, but right now, I'm thanking God for every second of this moment.

….. …. ….. … … … ….. …. ….. ….. …. …

I've avoided Cat all day. I know I need to talk to her… but I just can't.

I'm afraid that if I talk to her I'll get stuck in… in whatever I'm in when I'm with her. This day has been unbearable. My heart hurts so bad. It's like someone's squeezing it and they just won't let go. I can't face her. I'm not strong enough. I won't be able to look into her eyes without drowning.

So here I am at home, laying in my bed, eyes closed, and breathing deeply. I've only gotten out of bed for school today. After that I came home I got right back on it and have been here since. So this is what it's like when your entire world is flipped upside down in an instant. It had been slowly turning for a while, enough to where I didn't realize it. Then out of nowhere it was violently turned back. It's like getting a rug pulled out from under you.

I hear a knock on my door and sigh.

"Come in" I say. It's obvious I've been crying and on top of that, I'm not in the mood to see anyone, so I don't even bother to open my eyes.

I hear footsteps shuffle towards me then feel the bed dip next to me. Whoever they are they're sitting next to me lightly stroking my arm.

"Did I do something wrong?"

I know that voice anywhere. I'm surprised I couldn't already tell with the physical contact.

"I don't know" I say opening my eyes and looking up at the ceiling. I still can't look at her.

"Please tell me if I did something. I want to fix it." She says.

"You can't"

"Tori… look at me" She says. I hesitate big time. It takes a bit but I manage to drag my eyes to hers. That was a mistake. The second I see them, I crumble. She looks so worried. Like she might break me if she's not careful.

"What's wrong?" She asks. I can feel myself wanting to cry again. You'd think I'm all cried out by now but I am most certainly not.

"I'm scared" I whisper. My voice refuses to work.

"Of me?" She asks.

"No, of me" I say sitting up.

"What's there to be afraid of? There's nothing wrong with you." She says with a light laugh. I quickly stand up and turn away from her. These tears aren't gonna hold out much longer, and I really don't want her to see me cry.

"That's because you can't see it." I say turning back around.

"Can't see what?"

"Me." I say quietly.

"I can see you just fine." She says standing up.

"No Cat, you can't see me. I can't even see me. I don't what happened." I say as a few tears come out.

"Then talk to me. I'm right here. Let me help you." She says taking my hands.

"You can't help me Cat. I thought you were different" I say, my voice wavering.

"What do you mean?"

"You spend your whole life trying to find out who you are, at times you feel that you know so little. But when you lose yourself completely, you realize how much of yourself you really had." I say quoting her.

_**Flashback**_

"_People like me better this way… Robbie likes me better this way" She says looking at the ground._

_That stupid son of a b-"And besides, maybe I even like me this way. It's kind of funny actually" She finishes._

"_How so?"_

"_You spend your whole life trying to find out who you are, at times you feel that you know so little. But when you lose yourself completely, you realize how much of yourself you really had." She says with a far off look in her eyes. Wow. That… was deep._

_It's not worth it. Whether she's finally being normal or not, it's not worth losing yourself. No one should to be lost in their own life. Screw what we want her to be. There's a difference between constructive criticism and being controlling. No one can tell you who to be and you can only be happy when you're you. I guess it's just up to you to decide what you'll be._

_**End Flashback**_

"I thought I changed you. I thought that I somehow made you normal. That I…"

"Tori, I haven't changed a bit. You _saved_ me from being normal remember?" She says cutting me off.

"I thought… I thought I was changing you without actually hiding who you were." I say.

"You honestly didn't see it?" She asks quietly. "You wanted to understand me and you did Tori. I thought you wanted to see what I saw. I figured that's why you changed" Even she knew. Even Cat saw that I was the one changing. I'm the only one who didn't see it.

"I didn't know what was happening. I was trying to find you and I lost me somewhere in the process. And that's why I'm afraid. I don't know where I am. It's like I dove in to find you but now I'm drowning Cat. I'm drowning and I don't know which way is up." I say finally letting myself cry.

"Then let me show you" she says simply.

"How? What do you see that I can't?"

"You Tori. You may have lost sight of you but I haven't. I've gotten to know you, the real you and you're still there. I know you just like you know me."

"The real me? How would you know the real me?" I say shaking my head.

"Because just like in mine, I can see the storm in your eyes. I've seen every one roll in like back when you used to look at Robbie and get jealous. I saw that Tori. This is the worst one yet but I'm not gonna stop swimming. Your ocean is just as calm or violent as mine. You can drag me under or sweep me away, whatever the case, but I'm not gonna stop until you're above water and strong enough to continue." She says, her eyes welling up as well.

"No… this is all backwards. I'm the one diving in Cat, not you. I'm the one helping you, not the other way around" I try to reason.

"Tori you're not the only diver here. You never were. The more you understood me the more I did the same to you. I wanted to know you and I did. I needed saving and you saved me. You did that for me. Now let me do that for you. I know you're lost, but let me take you back to land." She says brushing my tears away with her thumbs.

I can't help it. I literally collapse onto her in hysterics and she holds me. This is still so backwards. I was the one holding her when she cried, and now she's holding me.

I get it now. Cat's my person. She's the one who understands me. She's the one who gets me like no one else. She knew there was more to me than what met the eye and she found it. She explored every depth of the ocean and understood the way it moved. She's the one I go to when I'm not sure of who I am. She's the one I look to to find myself. That's what she is for me.

And that's what I am for her.

…**.. …. ….. ….. …. … … ….. …. … ….. ….**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter up for you. **

**Bet you didn't see that coming.**

**This one was hard and easy to write. Easy because it all spilled out in about an hour. That is incredibly fast compared to my usual week or two. It was hard because I was really trying to make sure all the emotions of this chapter were what I wanted. The part between Trina and Tori was probably the hardest. I've been there and I know how it's supposed to feel so it took a lot to get it to where I wanted it. But none the less I'm proud of this chapter.**

**As for my shout-outs:**

**Roxy4vamp: Yay, I'm glad to have you on board. I'm also insanely honored that I rank above Pocky.**

**DramaHunny101: Glad you liked it. I'm trying to make this a memorable end.**

**Sami Jo: I love marathon reviews. They make me happy. Twas quite a chapter, and don't hesitate for the same on this one.**

**So that's it for the shout outs. I actually already had this chapter and the final chapter done two weeks ago, but I didn't get as many as reviews as I had hoped, so I decided to wait.**

**Thank you to all that reviewed and welcome to all my new readers. Really, I love you guys.**

**Alright loves, one chapter left. Are you all ready for the final chapter of this story? I know I'm not. It's been quite a ride. Reviews; lots and lots of reviews, inspire, motivate, and spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	18. Undisclosed Desires

**Ok guys, here it is, the last chapter you've all been waiting for. **

… …**. ….. … …. …. ….. … … ….. … **

"I still can't believe it worked" Cat laughs.

"Neither can I." I laugh with her.

"So how was that?" She asks looking up at me.

"It was perfect. They're all definitely gonna laugh"

Cat just got done telling me a story about something that her brother did during the week. She wanted to run it by me so I could help her say it in a way that the rest of our group would understand. I have to say, she's getting quite good at it.

Right now we're sitting outside the school waiting for her mom to come pick us up. Cat's in my lap and leaning back on me. Man does this feel good. I love holding her. Her peace brings me peace.

So if you already haven't noticed, I'm back to my normal self now. It took two and a half months to swim back to shore but Cat was there the entire time. Sometimes I would get really frustrated or want to give up, but she was always there to help me through every storm. Sure enough we did find land and I became Tori again. I'm Tori, and she's still Cat. The only difference now is that we understand each other.

I sparked a revolution. Everyone in the school saw what had happened to Cat and I and what's still happening. They want to be a part of it. They're all divers now. It's quite the crazy thing to think about. I even saw Trina hanging out with Sinjin yesterday. Now that, it some extreme diving. I never knew Trina had it in her.

However, of course Jade's still Jade and refuses to be a part of our diving movement. But if I think about it, I'd be worried if she did support it.

Beck and Andre are just as simple as they were. They've really been enjoying finally being able to understand Cat. For real this time, it's not in my head.

My parents were a little hesitant when I told them about Cat and I. Heck, they still are but they love me and they love Cat. There was nothing more to say after that.

Trina and I are trying to get a little closer but she'd still rather be looking in a mirror than talking to me. Eh, she'll come around right?

Cat's parents weren't hard to tell at all. They were actually proud that Cat found "someone like me" to quote them. Cat's brother shaved his head because he was so happy… then he ate his hair.

And Robbie… oh Robbie. He returned back to his sweet dorky self. I finally gave him some of my thoughts in case you were wondering. Honestly, what happened to him was the same thing that had happened to Cat. We always got on him for being "weird" and it finally got to him. He tried to be normal, so he got rid of Rex.

Rex. That's what happened.

Something I later understood about Robbie is that he needs Rex. Rex is kind of like his alter ego. Without having Rex as an outlet for the asshole in Robbie, it became a part of him. Robbie and Rex were one person at the time, that's why he was so irritating and irrational. Bottom line, Robbie needs Rex to be "normal". If someone had caught it sooner, then we could've avoided all that havoc. But then again, because no one noticed it, Cat and I are together. Beautiful things come out of painful times. Anyway, Robbie apologized thoroughly to the both of us and even made Rex apologize. Our little group is back to normal… er... well, our version of normal that is.

"Cat?" I say.

"Yeah?" She answers looking back at me.

"You're beautiful" I say. She smiles and shakes her head.

"That's the eighth time you've said that today."

"And the eighth time I've meant it today" I say. She blushes then lays back against me.

Right after that her mom pulls up to take us back to their place. They wanted a family dinner and insisted that I come. They actually said they don't mind if I call them mom and dad. Of course… I don't think we're quite there yet.

Mr. Valentine asked what my intentions were with his daughter and I made sure that he knew that I was here for the long haul. I fully intend on marrying her after high school.

Cat Vega. Now that, sounds good.

… ….. ….. ….. … …. …. ….. … …

Cat and I were going to go out to the movies tonight after dinner but at the last minute I decided that we would just watch the sunset on the roof or something. You know, I'm trying to be romantic. Mrs. Valentine volunteered to take us to the beach to watch it instead and I immediately agreed. The beach and the sunset? It's perfect.

We pull up and Cat immediately jumps out and lands flat in the sand giggling. Yeah, and I still love her. She gets up to walk closer to the water and notices I'm not with her.

"You coming?" she asks. 

"Yeah go ahead. I'll be right there." I say.

Cat skips off to the beach then out of nowhere starts sprinting. I turn back around and Mrs. Valentine rolls down the window.

"Is something wrong?" she asks.

"How do you do it?" I ask. She looks confused for a minute then it clicks in her head of what I'm talking about. I wanna know how she does it. She raised Cat and knows her better than anyone. How does she do it every day, going back and forth between her world and Cat's?

"I do it the same way you do. You don't dive into one world or another. You're the bridge between the two. Look at yourself as more of... the beach. Where the ocean meets the land." she says with a smile.

I smile back. Huh, I think it's more than just irony that she suggested taking us to the beach. Either or, I love that she understands me."But I mean every day? Isn't that hard?"

She looks down for a moment than back up to me. "Do you love my daughter?" she asks.

"Yes Ma'am"

"Do you believe that she's worth it?"

"Absolutely" I answer.

"Then that's how you do it. Sometimes it's hard when the waves beat down on the shore, but when the weather's like this, you remember why you do it and that you wouldn't trade it for the world." She says. I smile again turn back towards Cat.

"Just call when you two are ready to leave. I heard there's a new sushi place about a mile down the coast and I'm feeling hungry" She says before pulling off.

I run up to where Cat is and sit in the sand behind her. She slides back and leans against me as we look out over the water and onto the sunset. Something about it calms her and it calms me too. It's so beautiful. The sky looks like it's on fire with the bold orange colors and then it looks softer with the bright pink parts. It's our time and what makes it even better is that the beach is totally secluded.

I love this. I love her. I'm finally at peace.

But there's one thing that's still on my mind…

"Cat?" I ask.

"Yeah?" She asks turning her head to look at me.

"I know this might seem kind of random…" I trail off.

"No it's not" She says flatly. I still forget that nothing is random to her.

"Right." I sigh. "How many medications are you on?" I ask quickly. It's like ripping off a band aid.

Cat's eyes widen for a moment then she turns completely around to face me with a serious expression. Nice, now you've done it Vega. You upset her and now you should go drown yourself in the ocean. Go go.

"Ok, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have mentioned it, but it's just been on my mind since Robbie and I fought a few months back and I didn't know if it was the truth or not and-" I ramble.

"Tori" She says pressing her finger to my lips. I stop and look into her eyes hesitantly. "Calm your storm" she says softly. I take a deep breath and she moves her hands into mine.

"Sorry" I apologize.

"It's ok." She says with a laugh. "You honestly wanna know how many medications I'm on?" she asks.

I swallow hard. "Yes" please don't be more than 10…

"I'm not on any." She says with a small smile. What…?

"Huh?" I say beyond confused.

"It's true that I was on eight back when I started dating Robbie but… after you... after I got to know you and after you understood me, I didn't need them anymore. I haven't been to a doctor, I haven't seen any social aids, I got off of my medication… Tori, you changed me." She says.

If that doesn't knock the wind out of you I don't know what will. "For how long now?" I ask.

"About two weeks after I hit Jade. They downed my prescriptions to four and what happened was a… reaction I guess you could say. After that I continued taking less and less and… here I am. Haven't been on them for almost six months."

Wow. I guess I wasn't as crazy as I thought. I did change Cat. Not necessarily in the way I wanted or in any visible way but… I did change her. I helped her. I still completed my mission and came out with a better ending that I could've imagined.

This is what I live for. Understanding. Understanding and Cat. I love her more than anything and I understand her. I docked my boat and became a diver. I navigated my way through uncharted waters. I did it.

Out of everything I wanted to do, I just wanted to understand her. I knew there was so much more to her than being adorable. I did it and I was right. There is more to an ocean than its names.

"Cat?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you" I say.

"I love you too" She giggles. She leans forward against me and pushes me so I'm laying back the sand. She is so beautiful. The look in her eyes and the sunset behind her make this moment perfect.

"So, after all of this, would you say that I've satisfied you're wants, hopes, and dreams?" I ask brushing her hair behind her ear.

"Not those" she says simply.

"No? Then what did I satisfy exactly?"

"My… Undisclosed Desires" She says then pecks me on the lips.

"Undisclosed Desires?" I ask.

"Mhm" She says gazing into my eyes.

"Cat" I laugh then continue,

"You're adorable."

…**.. ….. ….. ….. … … …. ….. ….. …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. **

**There it is. The final chapter. I hate being emotional over these things but how can I not be? This story was and is very important to me. It's kind of like a part of me.**

**I've never been called a terrorist and a communist in less than five minutes by two different people, so that definitely helped me update today. But I deserved it for pretend updating which gave you hope, then seeing as it was an A/N shredded your hope like a bunny through a wood chipper. I hadn't updated for a while so I wanted to make sure you were all still with me. And boy were you with your rants and… colorful wording. But none the less you know I love you all.**

**I want to thank you all for being here throughout this and keeping me sane. It was quite the ride. And I also wanted to thank the group of you that really just trusted where I was going with this story and all the characters. **

**To a few special people:**

**Farmerg1214:** You're my #1 fangirl. You know I couldn't end a story without your proper shout out.

**ImthePelican:** I always loved reading what you had to say. Cheers.

**Freudian Slips Cause Problems:** You're the reason I changed and corrected my formatting and for that, I thank you.

**Crazier**: You're reviews crack me up and always brighten my day.

**Shmankingowner44:** You just said the right thing at the right time and it stuck with me.

**Sami Jo: You my friend keep me grounded. I hope that you'll continue to follow my stories.**

**To 506thpir and elitemassacre6: You two are awesome for being my first readers and sticking with me tto the end. **

**I was going to give a shout out to everyone who reviewed. But I soon found that it was impossible. Just know that I appreciate every word sent to me by every one of you. **

**To anyone who finds this story post completion, don't hesitate to leave a review and tell me what you thought, I'm always up for it and they brighten my day. **

**Alrighty then loves. That's all for now. You've been amazing and I'm honored to have had you with me. Thanks for letting me share my heart. This is the last time you can review and give your thoughts for this story, make it count. So, review like never before, inspire me to write again, motivate me with your words, and don't forget to (say it with me) spread the love around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


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